Whenever I lecture at college campuses (the best way for a man my age to get scratch & strange), film students all ask me the same thing: how do you make a good movie? I always give them the same answer because it is simply the best non-lying answer I know. To make a good … Continue reading
Good Will Hunting is about how much I hate academia. The main character, Goodwill Hunting (original name: Dumpsterdive Diving), is not only kind of a con-man, but he’s also the biggest asshole in the history of really smart people pretending to be really dumb people. The point is that the academics are even bigger assholes, … Continue reading
Pretty in Pink is my attempt to make a movie for girls using all the tricks I picked up after ten years of making movies for boys. If any of you guys out there found yourselves oddly attracted to this movie, there’s your reason why. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you like … Continue reading
I like assassins, always wanted to be one. The idea of impersonally killing people for money sits well with me. And, while we could all write books about what “might have been,” I live in Hollywood and can sometimes write screenplays that bring a blurry version of what “might have been” to reality. Such was … Continue reading
You might think I made Notting Hill for the ladies of the world. You’d be about half right. I certainly wanted their big fat box office money. But underneath the happy love story is a subtle warning for men. While the ladies sit there purring, “I wish this would happen to me,” us guys should … Continue reading
The nineties were a weird time for us old white folks. Political correctness overtook the nation and all of our best jokes had to be retired. So many groups became off limits..foreigners, homos, women, atheists, vegetarians…the list goes on and on. But it was a list we had to learn if we still wanted a … Continue reading
I hate my kids. I’m not sure how many of the little bastards I have anymore, but they all wander around the house, making fun of my age and treating me like King Lear when I don’t give them enough spending money. I wish they’d just die or go away, but it rarely happens. Everytime … Continue reading
Stupidity has run rampant in our country. Even our great president is kind of a knucklehead. I find this to be a very tragic turn of events. Not because I feel sorry for us smart people, but because I know how bad is sucks to be stupid. I got hit in the head once. It … Continue reading
Dancer in the Dark is an example of what it looks like when a filmmaker tries to appease financial backers. We got half our budget from anti-capital punishment people. Their only demand was to see a gut-wrenching execution scene. The other half came from NASA. They wanted me to hire an alien as my lead … Continue reading
Demolition Man is this kick-ass action movie I made to make fun of Christians. I figure it’s probably about the best punch in the soul those wieners ever got. Four out of five Christians disagree, so I know I must have done something right. Before we get to the wimpy future, we have to visit … Continue reading