Dan Vinton

Victoria, Secrets and the Art of Liquefy

My wife’s a big believer in Victoria’s Secret. And apparently, by the volume of catalogs we receive on a weekly basis, Victoria’s Secret is a big believer in her. They arrive faster than we can throw them away and now have semi-permanent residence in our room, magazine stand, bathrooms, and living room. They’ve become our … Continue reading

Utah: Strife Elevated

Aside from slathering over CHUD’s WILF-ability two months ago, I haven’t been able to come up with a single thing to write about since. News and movies are covered and I’m not usually self-aggrandizing to think anyone gives more than 3 Charcharadon shits for anything going on in my life right now because A) I’m no Barry … Continue reading

I Heart CHUD

CHUD.com is fantastic and knows it… even if not everyone else does (or even needs to). It’s even fantastic enough to smugly tell you so with one of the most subjectively accurate title tags ever committed to META: “CHUD.com-A film site for the brilliant.” I’m not disgorging praise because I wrote* for CHUD or was … Continue reading

LIFE AFTER HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

Zac Efron. Mr. Heartthrob. Mr. High School Musical. Mr. "Bet On It". Disney-preened and polished to a sheen impervious to even the most fiery darts of teen scandal: apparently, the kid’s girlfriend showed up all naked and exposed by way of leaked camera phone(?) stills, and if he didn’t do it, who did!? It’s the … Continue reading

JOE NAMATH COULD JUST KISS JAKE GYLLENHAAL

Say what you like about Jake Gyllenhaal’s acting chops, but the dude is fit. So fit in fact, ex-Jets Quarterback and 70’s product schiller THE Broadway Joe Namath has given the greenlight to a cinematic biography potentially starring the brother o’ Maggie himself– thanks in part to ol’ Joe feeling that Jake measures up to … Continue reading

THE MUMMY SYNOPSYSIZED

The Mummy 3, or as it’s been officially monikered, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor has officially been given a full plot synopsis. It’s a plot you may be familiar with, but a plot nonetheless. Thanks to an update on Rob Cohen’s production blog, you’ll be comforted to know the threequel’s narrative isn’t straying … Continue reading

IT’S APPLESEED, BUT NO RELATION TO THAT PUSS JOHNNY

A couple years ago I picked up the DVD for Shinji Aramaki’s 2004 take on Masamune Shirow’s Appleseed, based purely on the spectacle of the trailers shootin’, explodin’ and robot violence. I’m no manga/anime conniseur but yeah, I’m a sucker like that. The film attempted full integration of manga style while overlaying the traditionally animated … Continue reading

NEIL ARMSTRONG PHONE HOME.

New Line may still be looking for its next Prestige Picture (and a little something to get audiences through the turnstiles- The Last Mimzy, Shoot ‘Em Up, Mr. Woodcock, Martian Child, Rendition… well, you get the picture), but you’ve got to give them credit for extending their reach. How so, you ask? In a 40-year … Continue reading

UPDATED: AVATAR ALIEN LEAKED?

I must have missed the whole "chicks with phallic fun growing out of their perfectly sculpted asses is the new hotness bandwagon", because it’s rolling all through town and I’m still stuck on the tail-excluding "perfectly sculpted ass" wagon of 2006. 2007 case in point: Angelina Jolie and her tail-tacle of golden glory spawning king … Continue reading