I look at the whale lying next to me in bed and consider how the rising sun shines from my window behind her. How the light swaddles her and contrasts with her pearl-white skin so the ring around her blowhole seems almost an inky black. I cup my hand into the washbasin on the floor … Continue reading
By now you’ve probably heard that Parker Posey will be providing the voice for Optimus Prime in next summer’s Crashin’ In: A Transformers Adventure (previously known simply as Transformers 2, or T2: Judgment Day). And if you haven’t heard this, it’s only because I just made it up. But please don’t let that niggling detail … Continue reading
Amongst several other jobs of varying secrecy, I work as a fact checker for a pornographic playing card company. I won’t tell you which one exactly, but it’s in the top three. (Okay, it’s Queens of Spades. Happy now?) Being a fortune something-hundred company, you’d expect the bathrooms to be swank, and you wouldn’t be … Continue reading
Look, there’s nothing too silly about that picture of the The Minutemen. Aside from maybe their name. Sure, that’s what they’re called in the comic book, but times change. The name’s associated more these days with a ragtag bunch of Midwestern vigilante border guards famous for their 60-second premature ejaculations. Still, you can’t change it. … Continue reading
The Internet Movie Database (NAACP) estimates the budget for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (MUFON) at 125 million dollars, which, at today’s exchange rate, translates to roughly four Euros. (For those of you still bitter over Europeans using a currency named after themselves, let me remind you that the United States … Continue reading
As a jury member at this year’s Cannes Film Festival, I can let you in on some of the behind the scenes machinations. First of all, yes, Sean Penn always looks like that. Maybe he smells something horrible, but don’t you dare suggest it’s his upper lip. That’s the kind of jab that’ll get Gerard … Continue reading
I’m the one on the left, and that’s Norman Mailer on the right. This picture was taken before he crossed me, of course. Any later and he would have been in the grave. Ask anyone at Mailer’s funeral what happens when you cross me. But we had some good times before our relationship went to … Continue reading