Brian Thompson

What I Learned from "Wall-E"

I learned a lot from Wall-E this weekend.  For one, there’s no reason to ever pay for snacks at a movie theater when the Wal-Mart down the street has a seven-foot-tall steel cage full of eighty-eight cent movie candy.  I loaded up on Cookie Dough Bites, Nerds, and off-brand Goobers, then bought a cooler on … Continue reading

My Star Trek

Last autumn, I visited the set of J.J. Abrams’ new Star Trek film.  Well, “visited” may not be the right word.  I hid behind a crate of hamdingers until I could sucker punch an extra and steal his clothes.  The trousers fit perfectly, though the spy-proof white robe squeezed around the chest.  In a move … Continue reading

Elitism, Wal-Mart, and Mrs. Halitosis

There was something about her water balloon breasts straining at the oft-washed white cotton of her three-sizes-too-small halter top that sent my bodily beverages bubbling.  I often experience such cognitive dissonance when walking through my Wal-Mart Supercenter.  To my left, I want that Pentecostal girl to do something about those split ends, burn the denim … Continue reading

So You Want to Be an Atheist…

I’m sure by now most of you have read Devin’s article about the fallacies of religious belief.  If you haven’t, why haven’t you?  It’s right here.  Just click it.  You know you want to click it.  It’s so easy.Maybe his reasoning makes sense to you, or maybe you’re simply a member of the Just Like … Continue reading

On Movie News

Do you remember the glory days of web-based movie news?  The thrilling tales of adventure as unemployed Australian twenty-year-olds snuck onto the blue screen sets of the new Star Wars film.  The glorious rumors about Evil Dead 4’s imminent lensing, Sean Penn’s negotiations to star in The Matrix, and Natalie Portman’s signing to the first … Continue reading

Arrakis, Dune, Desert Planet

I remember when I saw my first sandworm.  It’s vagina dentate maw seduced me from the cover of The Dune Encyclopedia at the public library.  I was hiding from a homeless gentleman who wanted to “choose my own adventure” while my mother worked on her dissertation, and the hefty volume fell from the top shelf, … Continue reading

Funeral for a Friend

I’m struggling to write this now, as I’ve just lost a dear friend.  To protect his family’s privacy, I’ll call him Steve Applewhite.  Steve was a video game designer by trade, though his interests were broad.  You were just as likely to find him digging up rare dinosaur fossils in the New Mexico desert as … Continue reading