For my first post, I wanted to keep it nice and simple. Kind of like a McDonald’s meal. Quick, cheap, and somewhat edible…exiting is a different story. Here’s my super-sized (I mean ‘GO LARGE’) version of a post.

Babies. Small. Mushy.  Smelly. Occasionally cute. We have many places to enjoy babies. Your own house if you’re a proud parent, but can’t afford a nanny. Your friend’s house, if you enjoy listening to “Look at that face he/she’s making” 50 times within an hour. Your local Wal-Mart, if you enjoy navigating multiple babies with soiled diapers, fudge covered hands, and non-attentive parents. Heck, you can even go to Babies’ R Us and just stand against the wall with a soft drink, watching babies come and go all day to your heart’s content. Doing baby  things, in their own baby way. On second thought, scratch that last idea (it’s so much easier to stay incognito in the parking lot).

My point being, we can enjoy the miracle of a child screaming just about anywhere in society. We basically have no choice as they have invaded every aspect of our life. We have no shelter from our future generation. They are in houses, stores, parks, workplaces, street corners, bars, and strip clubs (I’m from a rough side of town). Now don’t get me wrong. I can tune out the sound of a child whimpering just as well as any self-respecting, dead beat parent… but why do I have to do it in the movie theatre?

This past Father’s day, I went with my family to watch The Happening. It was me, my wife, and my ‘Teen Nick’ watching son (give the gift of violence to your pre-teen). We began to enjoy the events in the movie unfold until…it happened (M. Knight is somewhere smiling). A baby stroller parked in the front of the theatre decided to make itself known to the audience. It started with a whimper, was followed by a brief silence, and closed with all hell being unleashed. The baby cried, screamed, and whined for a solid 10 minutes. The audience shushed and yelled random comments at the parents to no avail. Some comments were explicit, but all were amusing. Regardless, that baby was not leaving the theatre!

I still haven’t decided what’s more ridiculous about that scenario. The idea of a baby being taken to a dark/ loud movie theatre and expected to remain silent, or the parent who think it’s ok to try and calm down the crying baby during the movie. I enjoy seeing a movie when it premieres, but having to drag along ‘Soft-Spot McCoy’ would seriously kill that desire. What triggers these people to think this behavior is ok?

Is the cost of babysitting now higher than gas prices?  Is the allure of Mark Wahlberg acting like Nyquil induced Mark Wahlberg that great? How long can a baby scream without needing boob? Why can’t rampant boob feeding in the theatre be the actual problem at hand? Would it even be an issue? I don’t know the answers. I can only present more questions. After all, I went to public school.

Now go play with your happy meal toy.