As I prepare to say goodbye to New Mexico, a land I’ve spent many a year living (some would say trapped) in, I feel an odd lack of nostalgia or even a twinge of sadness for the dry desert air. It’s been a goal of mine to leave this place by the time I was 30. Or, more specifically, get my feet on New York soil permanently by then. And I’m proud to say that I’ve conquered my goal with a few years to spare. New York still awaits, but I’ll take any credit I can get right now.

This is, of course, not to say we won’t be back. Our stuff, a word I use to encompass those things that were so important to me at one point (furniture, kitchen utensils, electronics, 12-inch dildoes) now lack any real meaning as we venture out with a handful of books, some clothes and a select group of repeat worthy films (a list to follow). The assorted stuff now cooks away in a storage facility in Albuquerque, along with many friends and family (not in the storage facility, but cooking all the same), so a return trip and perhaps stay of some length are definitely in the cards. But the world is whispering in my ear and I’m finally able (with the help of my trusty steed Becca, an incredible cook and world’s best travel companion) to tell the life I’ve been expected to live for so many years that I have no use for it any longer.

So we’ll be off, traveling across this expansive, sometimes desolate, occasionally bleak but largely beautiful country of ours. Stops will be made in Joplin, Missouri and Wheeling, West Virginia. A quick fill up in South Philly for a Pat’s Famous Cheesesteak or four (that’s right, fuck Gino’s) and then Cape Cod awaits. And I tell you what, I couldn’t have picked a better weekend to make the trip, according to the movie theaters anyway (sadly, a large factor in any weekend plan I’ve made since I was 13). With the only wide release films this week arriving in the form of The Incredible Hulk: Part Two, But Not Really and The Crapening, I’m more than pleased with our decision to hop in the car and drive, content at having only to concern ourselves with the nearest White Castle as we cross the empty stretch of Midwest best reserved for cows, corn and 12-inch dildoes (what, you thought I’d actually pack that shit away?). By the way, would I be arrested if stopped by a cop in Oklahoma with one of those in my car? I guess we’ll find out!

So even though I won’t be seeing either of these choice cinematic bowel movements (in the theater at least, Netflix is a curse at times), there are many a film on my radar for the summer. Hopefully, many of these will be viewed at the local drive-in theater up in Wellfleet, and I’ve already got my fingers crossed for a double feature of Wall*E and The Dark Knight at that glorious playground for film nerds. And while I spent the past few weeks with bated breath, hoping for the arrival of Danny McBride’s sure to be masterpiece, I suppose I’ll have to continue to wait for The Foot Fist Way to grace a theater nearby. Becca and I have already decided that the film will be worth the hour and a half car ride to Boston, so I needn’t worry too much, unless it never arrives, in which case I’ll be walking around like a sad Charlie Brown for several days.

Aside from our plans to see an independent comedy, our summer is otherwise a largely blank slate, save for another trip to South Philly not only for another Pat’s, but because the Gods have combined their powers and brought us a concert that will join the forces of not only The Hold Steady but also Devo.

So it is with this, dear reader, that I tell you I might not be seeing you in the next few days, aside from perhaps a quick check in or two from shitty hotel rooms, so enjoy your internets and I’ll be back in full swing next week.

In the meantime, I pose this question for you to mull over in my absence: Are we not men?

Answer: We are Devo!


And now for…

The Incomplete List of Films Making the Trip With Us:


Caddyshack
The 40-Year-Old Virgin
Superbad
Hot Rod
The Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy
Juno
The Indiana Jones Trilogy
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Ghostbusters
Bottle Rocket
Rushmore
The Royal Tenenbaums
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
The Darjeeling Limited
Anchorman
Talladega Nights
Knocked Up
Escape From New York
Shaun of the Dead
Hot Fuzz
The Departed
American Beauty
Three Kings
The Jungle Book
Fight Club


…and the rest are packed away in the car, so you’ll have to use your imagination. Guessing a comedy title would probably lead you in the right direction.