Father of the Bride was on some crappy cable movie channel the other day and watching the five minutes of it that I did made me realize something. I am in lust with almost every Diane in Hollywood, or like, three. Daine Lane, even though Untraceable sucked a dryer full of dicks and she is Brolin’s current fuck pillow, I fucking love her.
I feel almost the same way about Keaton, mainly because I think I’m better in bed than Steve Martin and, if we are to believe Father of the Bride 2, she likes to do it in the kitchen, which is H O T. A side note, every time I see one of those films I cry inside at the absolute fuck-stick joke that Martin Short has become.
The third Diane would be Franklin, that chick in Better off Dead. She’s cute too, but stands nowhere near the pedestal of Lane, fo sho.
The noted exceptions would be characters named Daine, Shelly long is NOT fuckable AT ALL. Also, the every terrifying Daine Ladd, whose performance in Lynch’s Wild at Heart scared the liquid shit right out of me. I re-bought that DVD recently, and I haven’t even taken it out of the box because I can’t stomach the thought of watching that crazy bitch smear lipstick all over her face again. Ew.
Are there any Diane’s that I’m missing? Are three celebrity crushes with the same name enough of a coincidence to write about?