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STUDIO: Disney
MSRP: $19.95 RATED: G
RUNNING TIME: 94 Minutes
• Commentary
• Survival Game

The Pitch

“It’s like the family you’ve always wanted… To bludgeon and disembowel.”

The Humans

Christy Carlson Romano (Kim Possible, Cadet Kelly &… Well, my dreams), Shia LaBeouf (Constantine, I Robot), Tim Meadows (SNL, The Ladies Man) & Dave Coulier (Full House & pretty much nothing else).

I don’t usually endorse beating children. In this case, I’ll make an exception.

The Nutshell

Spinning off from the short running TV sitcom of the same name, the Even Stevens Movie begins with the family winning a contest to an exotic island for a week. Naively and without question, the family accepts the prize and ventures off for a no doubt wacky adventure of ‘G’ rated proportions. After arriving on the island they are greeted by Miles McDermott (Meadows) who instructs them on the ways of the natives. A few played ‘I’m an American in a different country!’ bits later, the Stevens are shunned by the Natives once Louis (LaBeouf) destroys a sacred temple. Alone and without food or shelter, the Stevens are forced to survive on the island for the rest of the week until their plane arrives to take them home.

The kicker is that the Stevens already are home – in a sense. As victims of a new reality TV series ‘Family Fake-out!’, the Stevens have been chosen to endure a week of torment for the viewing public, all the while staying on an island not too far from the coast where they live. One mischievous plot after another unfolds as McDermott makes it his mission to tear the family apart for the sake of ratings.

"So what exactly is the ‘gangbang’ you are taking me to?"

The Package

Just as expected, this DVD is tame and uneventful. The commentary by LaBeouf and Romano is extremely spacious, considering that they obviously did their tracks separate from one and other. Extras such as the Stevens Survival Game is as awkward and choppy as any other game I’ve played with my DVD remote (to anyone reading this, if you have figured out the game on the Dark City DVD, please e-mail me!). Other than that, nadda.

The cover art of course, features the cast as shits and giggles on a beach. Quaint.

The Lowdown

"How does one summon the god of cunalingus, anyways?"

As unneeded as this DVD is, it still features a few shinning moments. Christy Carlson Romano has this whole Jamie Lynn DiScala thing going on, which isn’t all bad. Shia LaBeouf continues show that he has enough charisma to eventually break away from these dinky supporting roles. Perhaps in a few years or so he’ll get that chance, so in the mean time it is safe to leave him alone to hone his craft.

But not everyone deserves a pass. In particular a certain little character called Beans (played by Steven Anthony Lawrence), which he does not so much as act as he does annoy. It is unfortunate, really. He is just heading for a type cast career of ‘Fat, bratty kid #3’ in the coming years. Also, what ever happened to Tim Meadows? Sure, the Ladies Man had its faults, but has he been reduced to this? I hope not. I think he needs to hook up with a solid partner and do a nice ‘R’ rated comedy to jump start that career again.

The plot is hollow and predictable, so don’t expect any surprises. Watching movies like make me wonder whether kids are getting dumber or if people just think they are. Who knows?

3 out of 10