Pants is a very funny word. It’s short, it has that wonderful plosive sound that all good ‘P’ words have and it ends abruptly with a comical hiss. It can be an adjective “Mike! Your blog is pants” or a noun “Mr Crossey, please put some pants on”.

Throughout the ages many famous linguists have stated that Cellar Door is the most beautiful combination of words in the English language. But had they considered Cellar Pants or Pants Door? Or even Pants Pants? I don’t think so.

It’s a great word, yes, but it doesn’t make for the manliest nickname.

For the longest time I have had the nickname Mikeypants. Despite my best efforts my own requests; Skate, Crozza and The Artist Formally known as Daddy Bobby Washington never stuck, but a work superior calls you Mikeypants one day and you don’t hear the end of it.

Despite my protests I eventually grew to love the moniker. After all, pants IS a very funny word. When I finally got to joining the Chud forum there was no choice, I would be Mikeypants (or a slight variation out of respect to Joeypants).

But recently I have had my doubts. Maybe naming myself after my pants wasn’t such a great idea. Calling Pastor Terry Jones an idiot is a bit rich coming from a guy called Mike’s Pants (whose avatar is Chris Klein auditioning for Mamma Mia). What if people don’t take me seriously, or worse, what if people actually think I am a pair of my own pants sneaking onto my laptop to discuss films? In fact is it even grammatically correct? Or am I saying “Mike is Pants” every time I post something?

These are things I actually worry about.

I have been hovering over the name change thread lately. The lovely Eileen will change your name but there’s a catch. It’s a one way ticket, baby. Once you’re back to Joe Bloggs that’s it. It’s like standing over a precipice. If I do it, if I jump, maybe people will respect me. Maybe Peter Jackson will see my name on a post and respond “Mike you’d be perfect for Thranduil and while you’re at it, give this Spider-Man 4 script a once over would ya?”

Or maybe nothing will change. Maybe what’s inside a person is all that matters? Maybe Mike Crossey is the nickname and I’ve been Mike’s Pants all along.

Time will tell.