Why is it that Republicans don’t set themselves on fire for causes they believe in? I was working on my Dad’s lawnmower today and while changing the fuel filter I happened to get a dose of gasoline all over my arms. While joking about having a quick smoke and getting back to work it occurred to me that I’ve never heard of the Republican version of a Buddhist Monk lighting himself on fire in order to bring attention to a problem.

Why not? I’m not opposed to the idea myself, as long as I don’t have to do it. I’m just a little too happy with my life to give it up for a single cause that will change a dozen times in the next 30 years. My girlfriend would be less than understanding, as would my daughter and ex-wife. Some family members would probably be relieved. Certainly I will get some comments from the troll community encouraging me to change my mind.

Why is it that liberal causes and Muslims seem to have no problem getting people to sacrifice themselves for their their purposes? I think that the reason is that those causes tend to attract the mentally unstable and personally unsatisfied. Buddhist monks never get laid. Given that all humans were born with the equipment I have to believe we were meant to use it. Not using it goes against everything intended by nature and makes people insane.

Terrorists convince people that live in mud huts, with nothing more than the sand between their toes that if they kill themselves and take out infidels they will go to heaven, and by the way, the terrorist organization will give the surviving family members more money than they could ever imagine making on their own (usually 30,000 USD). I’m sure that the cause is just and that the money is purely incidental…

For some reason all radicals seem to either be miserable, or prey upon the miserable as fodder for their cause. You never see a Ted Kennedy, or Diane Feinstein walk into a public square, denounce the war in Iraq and light themselves on fire. You just see the poor, miserable followers of their cause doing the “dirty work”, or riding shotgun over the Chappaquiddick.

I think the problem is that there just aren’t enough poor, miserable, psychotic Republicans out there.