I used to answer each and every odd and fun question posed on the
message
boards in the old days in these “Your Questions For” threads,
and
the results were often a lot of fun. Basically folks could ask me
anything
they want and I’d answer it honestly, jokingly, or with tons
of
snark. Either way it was fun and it helped to illustrate the
personality
of the site, the readers and their opinions, and answer
questions
for new readers who don’t know what makes the site tick, who
I am,
and why the fuck I am only five foot seven. So, I’ve resurrected
it!
It’d be great to run one of these a week, but that’s up to you! use
the
links at the bottom of the article to contribute.

Note: I now have put my answers directly below the questions in the multiple question entries. My answers are green.

Paul Allen asks:

You’re at a dinner party and somebody you’ve just met asks you “what’s your favourite film”. You can’t be arsed pointing out what a stupid question that is. What movie do you tell them to shut them up. 

Goodfellas. Then again if I wanted to shut them up I’d say Snuff Film of You Tonight.


Are there any youthful ambitions or dreams that you’re surprised you’ve achieved? 

I haven’t realized any of my dreams yet, but sometimes I’m surprised I get to talk about The Ghoulies and sorta make a living doing it.


Dre mentioned in the Box Office thread that you want him to go by his real name. Why is that if you don’t mind my asking?


I think anonymity is the worst thing the internet has brought us. I think you should live and die on your own name. There are exceptions for some folks for professional reasons but Damon’s a good writer with a voice and I’d rather he capitalize on that.

 


Ryan CB
asks:

I’d like the second the idea posited in the talkback of pairing multiple questions & answers together. Or just ask Barry Woodward to stop asking so many damn questions.

Solved!




Sam Strange asks:

Do many people read the Sam Strange articles, or is it just Chudfan?


Of course they do. But, while articles like the Sam Strange stuff has rabid fans and hateful enemies it’s always the haters who shout the loudest.



Matt Hindmarch asks:

So what’s this “new site” all about?



Everything! Well, not Politics and Religion. But nearly everything else.



Princess Kate asks:


Will the new version of CHUD keep the white on black text format? It is extremely classy, not to mention the fact it reduces eye strain

Yep.



MrTyres asks:

If you and the CHUD staff were Mad Men characters who is who?

Don Draper
Bert Cooper
Roger Sterling
Lane Pryce
Pete Cambell
Joan Harris
Peggy Olsen
Betty Draper
Freddy Rumsen
Carla
Duck Phillips




We’re all Sal Romano.



HunterTarantino asks:


1. Everett McGill in Silver Bullet or Everett McGill in The People Under the Stairs?

Silver Bullet, baby. I loathe The People Under the Stairs.


2. Definitive Krazy Lithgow: Ricochet, Raising Cain, Cliffhanger, or Dexter?

Ricochet of the ones you mentioned but none compete with Dr. Emilio Lizardo.


3. Red Heat or Dead Heat?

That’s like choosing between a punch to the sternum or coccyx.


4. We all know Donald Gibb was the best Bee Gee. With that in mind, is Thomas F. Wilson the best Beach Boy?

Absolutely, though Peta gave him a run for his money.


5. Top three candidates for the worst movies of 2010 so far?

A Prophet, The Town, and Inception.


6. How do we destroy Katherine Heigl?

If I wanted to be generic and easy I’d say to nuke her from orbit, only way to be sure. Because I really, REALLY don’t like her I’d say to let her self-destruct on her own and then give her a series of roles that are demeaning to women so she can bitch and moan when no tabloid’ll give her the time of day.


7. Twilight or Jersey Shore, the worse pop culture phenomenon of the past few years?

Twilight.


8. You’ve told us the secret to training our dragons, Dagons, and Dragos, but how do I train my Billy Drago?

Keep him away from mirrors.


9. Does Genesis indeed do what Nintendon’t? (Answer is subjective, be it Sega Genesis or the band Genesis, but I’d prefer the one that had Altered Beast.)

Nintendo is and always has been the most overrated video game company in the world. I loved my Master System so much, my Genesis so much, and both Sony and Microsoft machines better. I still treasure some of my older Nintendo titles but yes, Sega did better stuff with inferior titles for most of the time, though Nintendo’s “Killer Apps” tend to be just that.


10. Why would my parents want to go to the Olive Garden in Colorado and not a restuarant you can’t go to at home?

Because your parents are wax figures gone horribly right.



Barry Woodward asks:

1. What are your favorite documentaries? 

Anything the BBC does involving sea beasts. The Last Waltz. The Thin Blue Line. The Manitou.


2. What do you think of the new FX show “Terriers”? 

I dig it lots.


3. What are five films you feel people are too kind to out of nostalgia? 

The Goonies. Fantasia. The Monster Squad. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. The Lion King


4. Other than “The Thing”, what remakes do you prefer to the originals? 

Well, Heat is actually a remake o LA Crackdown… but other than that, The Ring and War of the Worlds.


5. What film genres would you least like to see Quentin Tarantino dabble in? 

Grindhouse, martial arts, and idol worship. I want to see him do fresh stuff.


6. Should the Coen brothers consider making a sequel to “The Big Lebowski”?

Nah.


 7. What are your thoughts on the final season of “Nip/Tuck” and the series as a whole? 

It all blends together for me. I remember the ending being surprisingly not as soap opera-y as I expected. By the third season of that show I watched with glazed eyes. It was a car crash I sort of enjoyed.


8. Should Tom Cruise put aside his film career for a few years to star in a cable series?

Nope. Regardless of what people say, the guy is a great movie star and a damn good actor.


 9. Is there any truth to the rumors that Kurt Russell directed significant portions of “Tombstone”? 

Apparently. Which explains the three hour Goldie Hawn subplot.


10. Have you ever seen the Canadian television series “Trailer Park Boys” and if so, what did you think?

No. We get the DVDs in for review and I look at the cover and cannot send it away to a reviewer fast enough.


 11. Would you be game for Rian Johnson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt teaming up again for a sequel to “Brick”? 

I’d be game, but would rather new stuff. I am one that liked The Brothers Bloom more than Brick.


12. What do you think of the band that provided the music for the “Full Throttle” PC game, The Gone Jackals? 

I don’t. I liked the game but remember none of the music.


13. Do you think Kevin Smith can stop the downward spiral of his career and knock “Red State” out of the park? 

Nope.


14. Would you be interested in a Paul Thomas Anderson directed remake of “Apocalypse Now” set in present day Afghanistan and Pakistan? 

No, but an original film on the subject could be great under his watch.


15. If Mike Judge decided to direct a live-action “Beavis And Butt-Head” film and you were put in charge of the casting, who would you pick to play the title characters? 

I hate Beavis and Butthead and there’s no performers I’d want for it, unless it was Jon Heder and Russell Brand and there was a horrible Twilight Zone tragedy on the first day.


16. Have you seen the brilliant but canceled 1996 Fox show “Profit” and if so, do you think it would be worthwhile for the creators to pitch an updated version of the series to AMC or FX? 

I  haven’t seen it because Adrian Pasdar was the star and I have self-defense mechanisms in place. That said, the FX (and to a lesser extent AMC) model is a good one and would enhance nearly ANY material.

17. There was talk of teaming up Jack Bauer (from “24”) with John McClane for the new “Die Hard” movie. Would you have wanted to see that? What film/television crossovers would you like to see? 

I’d have watched that, but John McClane has already had two too many films. I’d like to see a Roots/Event Horizon crossover. Maybe a little Family Ties/Jack-O flick. The Cosby Show vs. The Smog Monster. Stillwater Meets the Phantom of the Park. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Dolemite? And so on…

18. Joss Whedon is on record as wanting to direct a “Terminator” film, most likely a reboot. If the success of “The Avengers” affords him the opportunity to do so, do you think he has what it takes to make a film in the same league as the first two in the series?


Nick
Answers:



No.



Pvt. Spunkmeyer asks:

Nick – I know you’re a Monster Magnet fan (or at least used to be). Any thoughts on the new album Mastermind, if you’ve heard it? It’s streaming at AOL music and is being released this week.


Nick Answers:

It’s ok. They will never match God Says No and Dopes to Infinity.



Princess Kate asks:


Nick,  Feel free to pick and choose, but these are the questions that were on my mind this morning: 

1) First movie you remember strongly disliking?

Grease 2.


 2) If you were exiled from the present and forbidden to travel to the future, where and when in Earth’s history would you choose to make your home? 

Dinosaur times. I think they are misunderstood and only want to befriend me.


3) Can you foresee the REP ‘GREEN BOX’ system making a triumphant return when CHUD relaunches? 

Nope.


4) Favorite ice cream flavor(s)? Feel free to throw out a limited edition flavor (like Ben and Jerry’s KEY LIME PIE from earlier this year) if you’re so inclined 

Peppermint!


5) What are your thoughts on HBO’s ROME? Is Titus Pullo ‘CHUD Man’ material? 

I am not a big fan, honestly. And the CHUD Man is going away.


6) What is your opinion of Alexander III of Macedon (the individual known as ‘Alexander the Great’)? 

I wrote my thesis on him. He’s dumb.


7) In your opinion, what now curable but until recently deadly illness would you least want to die from? (Cholera, ETC)

Pterodactyl Cough.


 8) When are you going to post up the CHUD POSTCARD COLLECTION? 

We have three up and I posted them in the Steady Leak that not enough people commented on.


9) BK or McDonalds? 

No.


10) 3D: “The way of the future”? 

The way of the present.


11) Do you appreciate caviar?

To some extent. In sushi or a hummus/tiramasada type of mix.


12) Do you watch MAN VS WILD with Bear Grylls? If so, are you pro Bear? There seems to exist some animosity towards him on the boards 


I don’t watch it, but what a dumb damn name.

 
 


Rene (Mr. Eko) asks:


1. Do you like The X-Files?

Love.


2. What was your favorite season?

It’s more episodes than seasons, but the show’s prime is probably 3-5.


3. Favorite episode?

Probably one of the famous ones, like Clyde Bruckman, Home, or Humbug.


4. Would you want to see another X-Files movie?

I wish. I’d pay to see one every two or three years until death.


5. What type of iPhone do you have?

4.


6. What’s your favorite app on the iPhone?

Scrabble.


7. What’s your favorite feature on the iPhone?

Sarcastic: The ability for AT&T’s service to work in this one corner of the office. Legit: It’s ability to do so much so well.


8. What’s the one movie you’d want a Digital Copy of?

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.


9. If you were asked to choose a movie to make a sequel to, what would it be?

Prince of Darkness.


10. What are your thoughts on David Fincher’s The Game??


It’s decent but with no rewatchability.



Matalo asks:

On a scale from 1 to 10, what is the answer? 

Fruit.




Anderson asks:



1) Is there really no money left in Internet based entertainment reporting?

There is, but I’m the wrong guy to ask. We are steady, but not traffic monsters and we are built to almost break even as a business.


2) If you had to remove one person from space/time…who would it be?

It changes every day. I’d like to do one a day if possible. Today it’d be some Fox News executive.


3) Which would you punch first? A puppy or an infant?

Infant. Puppies are innocent.


4) How did Andrea Rothe come to CHUD? That lady’s artistic temperament is awesome.

She was left in a basket outside our office. It was a tall, skinny basket and it stunk of cheeseburgers and vagina.


5) Can the modern nerd overcome their lust for negativity?

Nope.


6) Whatever happened to James Tolkan?


He’s old as bags but still out there being the Tolkan White Person.



Tati asks:


1) Can i beta test the new site?

Yep.


2) Would you consider giving the B Action crew a front page feature?

Way to steal our thunder but with the relaunch there will be a weekly column.


3) How much traffic, if any, did the site lose when Devin left?

To my surprise, none. Here’s our Google Analytics snapshot from his last day today:






Chris Miller asks:

Is this ever too much? In other words, do you ever look at all you do, they results you get, and feel like saying “Fuck it, I’m gonna do something else”?



Nick
Answers:



Yeah. Especially in recent months.




Paul Allen asks:


1) Thoughts on soccer?

Hate.


2) I’m curious about how ‘hits’ benefit the site. How much does a popular article like The Meaning and Secret of Inception help in terms of income? What’s a good number of hits for an article/list etc?

It doesn’t help much on its own. Sites like mine are sold to advertises in blocks based on traffic numbers for the month, an estimate based on research. They sell our ‘brand’ and market. I don’t really like the results for the tactic for the most part, because I’m a big ‘quality over quantity’ guy will take this site’s energy over so many of our higher trafficked peers and if I was smarter and greedier feel we could do a lot better as a business. But where the hits really matter (and articles that are popular, though BY FAR the biggest articles this site has ever run where Star Wars prequels scoops in 1998) is in the new readers they bring in and keep. In a given month, you need a few high traffic articles to balance things out. CHUD’s a weird animal in that it is very consistent but never going to compete with the big boys by virtue of the fact we indulge a lot of stuff others don’t and have a lot of fun goofing off. I think. Who knows? Maybe Earth will realize we’re great and sea change will happen.


3) With the success of THE WALKING DEAD, which movie monster would you like to be given the premium cable treatment?


I’d go for a weekly ‘Sea Beast of the Week’ show.



Andrew Hawkins asks:


What is the best Cigar/Drink/Jazz combination you can think of right now?


Eyeball Kid asks:


Though I tremble in fear at the terrible possibilities, I simply must know: what were the fates of Skeletons I-III?


I could tell a story of space doubt, failed promises, lost energy oblongs, and twenty-eyed monsters with faces for feet but instead I’ll just say Skeleton IV was a Halo character Steve came up with that was great and now there’s a silly column authored by the character.



Patrick Ripoll asks:


What’s your favorite Roger Corman directed film?  Your favorite Roger Corman produced film?


X: The Man with X-Ray Eyes. Humanoids from the Deep.




Blulouboyle asks:


1. Are you still watching TERRIERS? It keeps getting better and better.

I’m a little behind.


2. Are you fan of Michael Connellly’s Harry Bosch novels?

Not really. I read one or two.


3. When was the last time you visited the UK? Where? Did you like it?

Never. It’s the number one spot in the world I want to go.


4. Favourite beer?

Allagash White or Guinness.


5. Should Arnold return to movies? If yes, what type of character?

Nope. Tired of him.


6. Is it me, or has SONS OF ANARCHY been full of plot-dragging, time-wasting contrivences this season?

It’s not a great season.


7. What exactly was Steve doing between his lay-off and his welcome return to CHUD? Some sort of night welder?

He worked at Lowe’s. As Skeleton IV.


8. Do you listen to any other podcasts? If so, what?

Nope.


9. Thoughts on the first season of TREME?

What I saw I loved.


10. Do you still watch DVD / Bluray special features?

For work yes. Recreationally, rarely.


11. If I already own the ALIEN QUADRILOGY DVD set, is it worth buying the ANTHOLOGY? thanks.


Because Charlie de Lauzirika is one of the best people in the film business I’ve met and the best there is at what he does, I have no doubts it’s worth the money and effort.



Schwartz asks:



What actor/director combo you would bar from ever working together again? 

Depp/Burton.


What director/genre combo? 

Rodriguez/Family.


What actor/role (generic, i.e. Bruce Willis/grizzled cop)? 

Russell Brand/Anything.


You have been given the greatest gift of all: the ability to travel back in time exactly long enough to punch one currently living person in the face at their 10th birthday party and make them cry in front of all their shitty little friends. Who do you target, where do you expect to find them, and what moment do you choose to strike?


Rafael Nadal.


Andrew Hawkins asks:


What are you looking forward to most between now and next summer?


No new sites to launch or redesigns to finish.


Raspberry Leper asks:


Due to circumstances beyond your control, travel via automobile is no longer a viable option. It’s not that it is illegal, per say, but it isn’t advisable (though perfectly safe). Shortly after learning of this, a relative that you like, but aren’t especially close to, falls ill with a very treatable malady. Problem is you are about 40 miles away, and the treatment must be administered within 12-18 minutes. It is a balmy Sunday in February. Unseasonably warm, but given recent events not completely unexpected. That being said, if money is no object, what do you snack on whilst trying to formulate a plan?


A nice shank of Osso Bucco.


Lloyd Dobler asks:



Is Christian Bale over once The Dark Knight Rises? 

No. Because he’s a very good actor who has been good since he was like 8 and hasn’t milked the Batman thing much at all.


Who would YOU like to see as the villain in the threequel? 

The mob.


Are you still passive aggressive?

I never was.


How’s that going for you?


Bitchin’!









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