Rice Bubbles are great. They are the height of blandness and still somehow manage to be wonderful. Every now and then though, comes along a box of puffed rice that rises (rices) above the already dizzying high bar set for it, and provides a delight. This is a tale of one such delight.

On sacred rare occasions cereal companies will sweeten the pot by adding a toy to the mix, 99 times out of 100 these are little Chinese made, balls of hatred. The other Day this happened.

The box claims it’s some sort of squid based helicopter. Are they really trying to convince me that it’s not an adorable Cthulhu? They have placed an Old One in my breakfast, there is no getting around that. It’s something we’ll both have to live with, and try to deal. It warns “Contains small parts not suitable for young children.” Are you kidding me? It wants to defile your young child’s mind into a blizzard of chaos, out of boredom, and he’s determined to look cute as shit while doing it.