I used to answer each and every odd and fun question posed on the
message boards in the old days in these “Your Questions For” threads,
and the results were often a lot of fun. Basically folks could ask me
anything they want and I’d answer it honestly, jokingly, or with tons
of snark. Either way it was fun and it helped to illustrate the
personality of the site, the readers and their opinions, and answer
questions for new readers who don’t know what makes the site tick, who
I am, and why the fuck I am only five foot seven. So, I’ve resurrected
it! It’d be great to run one of these a week, but that’s up to you! use
the links at the bottom of the article to contribute.

Hammerhead asks:

Do you periodically sigh with relief knowing that Mel Gibson’s Fahrenheit 451 will probably never happen?

Nick Answers:

Not really. Gibson’s not a bad filmmaker and the material is due a visit. Plus there’s no Jesus in it. Bring it on Mel! 

Humanoid asks:

What’s the story with you and Australia?

Nick Answers:

It was late. We were drunk. I went Down Under.

In reality, I am here as a producer on Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. I’m working with an amazing group of Australian filmmakers and craftsmen and truly great producers in Mark Johnson, Guillermo del Toro, Tom Williams, Stephen Jones, and Bill Horberg. Katie Holmes, Guy Pearce, Bailee Madison, and Jack Hawkins star and they are all absolutely wonderful. It’s also my buddy Troy’s feature debut and I’m the idiot who put he and Guillermo together. All in all it’s a wonderful time and each day reassures me how great the finished film is going to be.

Phil asks:

Will you describe Katie Holmes’ scent to us when you’re able?

Nick Answers:

No, but she’s a really charming and cool person and Suri is adorable.

Chris Miller asks:

What exactly does a Producer, not a Bigwig yet, but still a Producer do?

Nick Answers:

Everything, nothing, something and then a portion of things. I’ve not been at a loss of things to work on, that’s for sure. There’s many things experience will help me be better at and more useful with but I’m getting there. My real fun and challenge is going to happen in post-production and I am salivating at the idea.

88 Inches asks:

1. What is the worst, most disappointing piece of technology you have ever purchased?

2. What is the best, most life-altering piece of technology you ever purchased?

3. Worst pet peeves about other drivers?

4. What’s something you’d like to learn how to do, like speak Arabic or
skiing or something… something YOU think is worthwhile because fuck
my suggestions.

5. If you could tame any animal, past or present to ride around town
on, which beast would you be saddling and mounting? (No sybian jokes,

6. Where do you find out about news and current events? Any websites
you have bookmarked? Because I can’t see you reading a paper or
watching the news.

7. What TV series are you into right now?

8. Do you have a favorite children’s book, either that your kid has or that you had as a kid?

9. Is there a period in history, place and time, that you wish you could go back to just to explore?

Nick Answers:

1. As a gadget freak I have bought many dumb things, The Xavix game thing you plug into your TV and simulate hitting a baseball. The Dragon Naturally Mobile Speech Recognition thing. My Kathy Bates Real Doll…
2. Other than PC’s, because they literally enable my creativity… I’d say that my iPhone has become my sweetest and most charming little digital friend of all time.
3. Were I superpowered I would spend a lot of my time simply killing people in cars. The folks who change lanes without a turn signal chafe me to no end because I’ve lost track of the times they’ve endangered me or others. The worst wreck I ever saw was a result of a lady trying to merge into another car without looking at 80mph. I don’t like when there are three or four cars that coast out into the middle of the road when a light is yellow so [inevitably] the short green light I get is delayed by three of four fuckfaces being selfish. I also hate it when Asian women drive.
4. I want to learn languages of people who are always around me because I know they’re talking about taking America over every time. Also, I want to learn how to sit normally without feeling uncomfortable. I’m always curled up and contorted because it makes me happy.
5. I want to have a seaworthy steed. Something like a sweet dolphin or a supercharged shark that zips around the sea and warns me before it’s going into the depths for water yummies.
6. I’ll pop on CNN.com every once in a while, get depressed, and then go back to the Bang Bus to cleanse.
7. Top Gear. Sons of Anarchy. Rescue Me. Curb Your Enthusiasm. Every MLB game.
8. Bunnicula. Watership Down. Are You There God? It’s Me Lemmy Kilmeister.
9. I’d like to go on a tell-all fact finding mission about all that Bible shit.

Mark T asks:

If the Church of Scientology offered to bankroll CHUD in return for you
making favourable mention of Battlefield Earth in each and every
article, would you sell your soul?

Nick Answers:

Yes I would. If I had someone bankrolling CHUD, I’d smile tears of joy and gladly endorse the blowing off of cow legs with energy weapons.

ForsakenNoMore asks:

1- With you pulling boss moves and whatnot… Will you be able to
supply premiere tickets, swag prizes, and such for your flock that be
the Chewer(s)?

2- Will you be producer on a Jackie Chan movie just to slap-the-fuck-outta-him?

3- Is MEG immenient?

Nick Answers:

1- Since my contract allows premiere tickets for just me and my wife… NO. But I think there will be swag for the film that will make its way into the Chewer contingent. In fact, I may be doing some REALLY cool shit for the flick.

2- Nope, because I don’t want him to be in ANY movies.

3- No, but she’s circling the depths, waiting for her moment to rise to eat the world.

SunWuKong asks:

Have/are there any good film critics who have never worked in the industry?

Nick Answers:

I don’t understand the question. How would I know if they’ve never worked in the industry?

Horrid asks:

1) (Australian themed question) Yahoo Serious was the star of 3 motion
pictures, with smaller roles building up to, or leading away from them.
How is such a career possible?

2) Favourite Lovecraft adaption outside of Walmart?

3) Have you ever made a music video for one of your bands?

4) You can confirm this with Steve. In Star Trek the Next Generation
there are no longer movies, Baseball, or cigars. How would you exist in
such an environment?

5) Did you get that thing I sent you?

6) would you prefer to see scientist focus more attention on exploring space, or the ocean depths?

7) Out of all the various projects you have cooking which one would you most like to see come to fruition?

Nick Answers:

1) Inexplicable careers is hardly just an Australian phenomenon.

2) Of the ADAPTATIONS, I think Re-Animator though it is highly changed from the source. Of the UNOFFICIAL homages, either The Mist or In the Mouth of Madness. That said, Guillermo still plans to do THE BIG ONE at some point in the next decade or so. That will overrule ALL.

3) No. You need to have listeners first.

4) I would lay Miss Saldana down and run roughshod over her curvy ebony form until I cared nothing for sports and the arts.

5) I did. Good stuff. You are an appropriately sick fuck. I’d be interested to see what you could do with a budget.

6) I think we should do both, even if it comes at the expense of the military and education. In fact, the world should just team up for OPERATION: CHECK SHIT OUT and put our troubles aside and look around and poke shit in the deep low and tall high.

7) Of the ones I originated, either PAIN or People Smasher though 11 Colonels ATTACK! needs to be made. Of the ones I’m shepherding or involved with as a producer, Runoff.

Chappers asks:

1) If Steven Spielberg, James Cameron and Peter Jackson only had one
more shot at genre films who would bring the spicy mustard to the
cinematic sandwich?

2) If vintage Mike Tyson met vintage Joe Frazier in the ring who would win and would it be a contest?

3) Does your recent tweet about next year’s Comic-Con have a 50/50 shot
at being about a certain movie adaptation of a book that begins with
the letter M?

4) As a single male would you have had at it with Sienna Miller or Emily Blunt?

5) Have you ever watched NBC’s Chuck and is not great or just fluff?

Nick Answers:

1) Jackson.

2) Tyson and no.

3) It has zero shot at being about Meg. The release date we decide upon for Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark will determine the strength of my Comic Con presence. Who knows? I may be busy somewhere else at the time.

4) Emily.

5) I tried, it was too “cute” for me.

Hunter Tarantino asks:

1. Do you find it disgraceful that the fuckers at Bravo had to make an installment of the Real Housewives in Atlanta?

2. Ricochet with Denzel Washington and John Lithgow. Are you a fan?

3. The Last Boy Scout or The Long Kiss Goodnight, preferred Shane Black vehicle not involving Mel Gibson or Robert Downey Jr.?

4. Excluding his post-Gladiator work, Alien and Blade Runner, favorite Ridley Scott?

5. How hard is Iron Man 2 gonna rock?

6. Robert Pattinson, the other mangina from Twilight, Zac Efron, the Jonas
Brothers, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Octomom, Spencer Pratt, and Heidi Montag
have aligned as a new Legion of Doom, threatening humanity with their
toxic presence and feeding off the fetishes the media has for them.
Unable to deal with this shit, you’ve rounded up your own Dirty Dozen
of badass movie characters, superheroes and villains, and movie
monsters to take them all down and purify the world of these disgusting
people. Who do you recruit?

Nick Answers:

1. I find it disgraceful there are any ‘Real Housewives’ shows at all.

2. Absolutely.

Did you floss?

“Yes, with your wife’s pubic hair….”

3. Even though Geena irritates me at times, The Long Kiss Goodnight.

4. Black Hawk Down or the director’s cut of Kingdom of Heaven.

Bucho asks:

1. What’s the coolest aircraft (not including spacecraft) ever made in real life?

2. What’s the coolest spaceship in movies?

3. Which would you least like to have to face down – unarmed – a drunken grizzly, a rabid racoon or a bipolar octopus?

4. Does Anne Hathaway really have the chops to be around for Streep/Sarandon-ages?

5. Which three living actors have the best voices in the land?

Nick Answers:

1. I’m a huge fan of the A-10 Tank Killer.

2. The Cygnus.

3. Harriet Tubman.

4. Nope.

5. I don’t want to just choose British dudes with booming Shakespearean honkers, so… Alec Baldwin, Ian McKellan, and Morgan Freeman (Sorry Mr. Earl Jones).


The Princess Kate asks:

nick what are you doing to stop the twilight movement? would you
consider writing a book for teens so completely awesome that kids
everywhere will be forced to abandon glittery vampire fiction?

Nick Answers:

Get me a book deal and yes!

Phil asks:

What is your favorite light bulb joke?

Nick Answers:

Thirteen light bulbs were raping a German girl and she said ‘Nein! Nein!”. So four of them left.

Sairus asks:

If Nick Nunziata had to ask Nick Nunziata 5 questions, what would they be?

Nick Answers:

1. Are you going to touch me in an impure manner today?

2. Are those breasts real?
ANSWER: Mostly.

3. a/l?
ANSWER: 37. Sitting

4. Why do you do it, sir?
ANSWER: Because it’s all I know.

5. If you could get away with it, would you kill Tyler Perry?

The Lucas asks:

What is your movie watching setup like at home?

Do you watch alot of movies with your wife?

Do you watch alot of movies with your brood?

Nick Answers:

1. It’s decent but hardly anything Earth-shattering. I’d bet I’m in the lower percentile if compared to most of you guys and your home theater setups.

2. No. Different tastes, schedules that don’t allow for much opportunity, and I need to see movies RIGHT NOW rather than schedule them a few days out.

3. A decent amount, yeah. My daughter’s old enough to be independent when she watches her horseshit and my son’s a few years off from really having that kind of stuff be a factor.

ForsakenNoMore asks:

In a different world parallel. The Interweb(s) have spoken and voted you as the 6th Bond.

In CASINO ROYALE is Martin Campbell asking you this:

How do you want to emerge from the water scene?

a. boxer w/ one guitar riff

b. speedo w/ a Julio Iglesias serenade

c. man thong w/ Sisqo – Thong Song blaring

d. buk-nikkid w/ Rambo knife in mouth carrying a mermaid w/ symphonic orchestra playing

Don LaFontaine bringing the passion:

Nick Nunziata as James Bond/007 in CASINO ROYALE

Ante up, motherbitches… 

Nick Answers:

Assuming, I have the budget and time to get back into shape…

None of the above. If I have the clout I’m coming out of the water dressed as the Creature from the Black Lagoon and no one fucks with me. In fact, my James Bond movie would be The Creature from the Black Lagoon and I will ravage anyone who dares interfere.

Fat Elvis asks:

1. When the remastered Beatles albums drop next month which (if any) will you pick up first?

2. First rock n roll/ rap record you turned your kid(s) on to?

3. Favorite/least favorite CHUD feud?

4. Favorite summer driving song?

5. Best jump scare of all time?

6. Deep Purple, Black Sabbath, or Blue Oyster Cult?

7. Joe Dante’s best movie?

8. Favorite moment in NIGHTHAWKS?


10. Who would you rather hang with in Australia-Russell Crowe or Mel Gibson?

11. Most cheese-tastic 80’s soundtrack choice?

12. Have you seen PRIME CUT?

13. Your quick final take on John Hughes?

14. Your quick final take on Michael Jackson?

15. INGLORIOUS BASTERDS, excited? Favorite man-on-a-mission flick?

Nick Answers:

1. I’ve had enough of the Beatles for this lifetime.
2. My daughter would come watch us record our stuff so she got into that stuff early.
3. I have no favorite. My least favorite is equally ALL OF THEM. Drama is balls.
4. Launchpad, by Particle.
5. The last moment in Birdy.
6. Don’t Fear the Goddamn Reaper.
7. Gremlins.
8. Most of them, though I did enjoy Lando Calrissian getting his face fucked.
9. They are both real good, but I’ll give the new one my endorsement by a large margin.
10. Crowe. I’d hang anywhere with that guy.
11. Any rock song with tinkly keyboards and either Mike Reno or Kenny Loggins being nowhere near as tough as they think.
12. A long time ago. I remember being indifferent.
13. I miss him. He made some great, GREAT flicks.
14. A caricature.
15. I wasn’t, but I loved it!

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