I used to answer each and every odd and fun question posed on the
message boards in the old days in these “Your Questions For” threads,
and the results were often a lot of fun. Basically folks could ask me
anything they want and I’d answer it honestly, jokingly, or with tons
of snark. Either way it was fun and it helped to illustrate the
personality of the site, the readers and their opinions, and answer
questions for new readers who don’t know what makes the site tick, who
I am, and why the fuck I am only five foot seven. So, I’ve resurrected
it! It’d be great to run one of these a week, but that’s up to you! use
the links at the bottom of the article to contribute.

Phil asks:

In polite company, when asked “What do you do for a living?”, what is
the answer you give, when you are answering honestly and not in

Nick Answers:

“I’m diversely mediocre in many aspects of the film industry!”

The answer really depends on the person. If it’s a casual situation with someone I don’t know I tell them I run a movie website and that I have a few projects cooking. If it’s someone I actually plan on engaging I give them a quick rundown. For the most part I say that I work in the film industry somewhere in the annoying non-lucrative world between covering movies and making movies.

Bryan O’Donnell asks:

Which show would you be more successful as a contestant on? Jeopardy(!) or Wheel of Fortune?

Nick Answers:

I’d be good at either, because of the sheer amount of games and word puzzles I tend to do. I have played many incarnations of each and actually have them on my iPhone (both apps are medicore). Wheel of Fortune is probably easier since I spend a lot of time with words and don’t go out of my way to know some of the stupid random shit on Jeopardy. Some of the contestants on Wheel of Fortune are borderline retarded.

Schwartz asks:

You’re sent upstate for stabbing Robert Pattison with the sharpened rib
of Zac Effron. What 5 people, living or dead, past or present, do you
pick to watch your back in the yard?

Canada is demanding we cede them one state in tribute or they will stop
supplying us with delicious maple syrup and shitty, shitty beer. Which
state do you give up?

Any difference if it’s going to Mexico?

We all know now that success smells like Jeff Fahey (so obvious in retrospect). What does failure smell like?

Ferris Bueller introduced us to the Sausage King of Chicago, 30 Rock
brought us NYC’s Beeper King. Everyone knows these titans of industry.
But can you give us a quick guide to lesser-known urban royalty of
America and the products of questionable quality they provide?

Nick Answers:

Andre the Giant, Jesus Christ, Chuck Zito, Sho Kosugi, and Batroc. Pretty much one dude under five different names.

Alabama. Yuck!

Nope. I’ll trade Mexico Alabama, Utah, Mississippi, and Arkansas for Mexico.

Failure smells like Coors Light.

Lesser-Known Urban Royalty:

The Fear Prince of Sarasota
Caramel Dan, the Court Jester of Molars
The Onion Monarch of Earth + Half the Moon
Shrunken Head Guy from Over There
The Poop Steward of Birmingham
The Deer Lick Bestiality Brigand
The Coca-Cola Asshole
King Meaty of Boar’s Head Meat Town
The Pope of Checkin’ Shit Out
Holistic Healer Salt, Arch Rival of Dr. Pepper

Tati asks:

Tell me everything you know about Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Nick Answers:

Juan Peron and his broad fucked up.

Sunwukong asks:

1. Any appreciation for the non-top three sports (football, baseball, basketball), e.g., soccer, hockey, cricket, rugby?

2. It’s bottom of the ninth, game 7 of the World Series between the
Braves and the Yankees. A ring of the doorbell reveals Jesus Christ,
Buddha and Morpheus each wanting to talk to you about “something
important”. Who gets the finger, the candy and the spare change?

3. Did CHUD ever produce swag (free or not) that you’d try to do again?

Nick Answers:

1. Nope!

2. If they can’t wait a few more minutes, I ain’t interested in what they’re selling.

3. I love the CHUD swag we’ve done either on our own or ON THE CAFEPRESS store. I have some of it and don it with affection. I don’t see me having the resources to invest any time or money towards creating new stuff but you never know.

Feral Akodon asks:

If you have to push Brad Bird to do an adaptation with live actors, which one?

Do you think we will see a decent Darwin biopic soon?

Nick Answers:

He could probably rock the shit out of Creature Tech.

Are people really that interested in another SeaQuest spinoff?

Bluelouboyle asks:

Which is better:
Saving Private Ryan or The Thin Red Line? For me, it’s Line.
A little pretentious and haphazard, but it all comes together to create
an amazing movie. Ryan has that amazing opening sequence, a great end
battle but also many slow parts and Giovanni Ribisi.

Nick Answers:

Because I am not deep and all that shit, I don’t much like Malick’s film.

Forsaken No More asks:

1) In a movie-verse duel-to-the-death battle royale; who wins out of these combatants:

A- Matt Damon as Jason Bourne

B- Jason Statham as Frank Martin

C- Kippei Shiinaas John Rain

D- Daniel Craig as James Bond

E- Liam Neeson as Bryan Mills

Six more combatants have entered the equation:

F- Wesley Snipes as John Cutter

G- Javier Bardem as Anton Chigurh

H- Christian Bale as John Preston

I- Tom Cruise as Vincent

J- Vin Diesel as Xander Cage

K- Nick Nunziata as *Hung Lo

*A new breed of killer!

2) Have you ever seen KING OF NEW YORK with Christopher Walken?

3) Will there be an uber-cool contest where Chewers can enter to do cameos for MEG?

4) Ratings are through the roof for a brand new televised AMERICAN
GLADIATORS (fuck the movie); you’ve been called to be a gladiator. What
will be your moniker?

Nick Answers:

1) Neeson, Bardem, or Bale. If it was a firefight, Bale. If his daughter were at stake, Neeson. If it were about being a weird and sneaky fuckface, Bardem.

2) Many, MANY times. Where’s my mothafuckin’ root beer?

3) No. Even if it gets made, the casting department would never let that fly.


The Lucas asks:

1. What movies (current or non) have you seen recently that you liked.

2. Same as above but disliked

3. Favorite commentary tracks?

4. Why do people look down on going to the movies alone?

Nick Answers:

1. Star Trek in theaters, Eden Log on DVD.

2. I haven’t really put myself in a situation to watch shitty movies lately.

3. Offhand, Blade II, Joyride, The Thing, and Armageddon. Also, The Specials for mentioning CHUD.com and the banned by Fox one for The Fly 2 because I was on it.

4. Because they are insecure.

Forsaken No More asks:

With the likes of Russell Mulcahy doing a shark movie in 3D, no less:

A Russell Mulcahy 3-D Shark Movie Should Really Be Bigger News



Do you get mad, motivated &/or is it just dirt off your shoulders
(brush’em off, Nick, brush’em off) knowing that *MEG’s day will
eventually come?

*With the resurrected/legendary voice of Don LaFontaine: And this
day will be filled with wrath and no mercy… MEG in theatres EVERYWHERE!

Nick Answers:

My concept of time has altered in relation to that movie. I feel it will happen, but it’s sort of divorced from the periphery.

Bucho asks:

1.) If you were hired to put together a gig comprised of three
currently active bands/artists and one stand-up comic to open, what
would the line up of Nickaplaooza be?

b.) What are your two favourite comedic films you can watch over and over and still laugh your bollocks off?

charlie the first.) Did young Nick ever record movies into audio so he could listen on his walkman?

charlie the second.) Which ones?

4.) Not including Collateral, what are Tom Cruise’s three best roles?

Nick Answers:

1.) The New Mastersounds, Faith no More, and Ween with Louis C.K.

b.) The Big Lebowski & A Fish Called Wanda. Not that I laugh real hard or anything, but I smile a beacon of smilebeams when I watch them.

charlie the first.) Yes, except I listened to them on my car tape deck.

charlie the second.) We made mix tapes of quotes from movie. Sound bytes from all sorts of great shit, like Kevin Dillon’s
Platoon ranting, the sound of Andy Garcia biting Joe Mantegna’s ear off, quotes from the unappreciated and hilarious Charlie Sheen/Clint Eastwood romp The Rookie, and tons of other shit.

4.) Lestat. Ron Kovic. Frank T.J. Mackey.

El Wack asks:

How did the trifecta of you, Justin, and Steve come to be? You guys
make a great team as evidenced by the podcast, and if Hollywood has
taught us anything, it’s that all great teams need an origin story.

Nick Answers:

I felt our regular conversations were worth recording and sharing.

Schwartz asks:

1. Who is your favorite dragon (Don Wilson excluded)?

2. As a twenty-something male, what is the worst fashion decision I am currently able to make?

3. cormac mccarthy. best book, best as yet unadapted, and could he still kick your ass at 80?

4. Best working music composer?

Nick Answers:

1. Vermithrax.

2. Anything where the name of the manufacturer is bigger than your thumb. And if it reads “HOLLISTER”, you are fucked.

3. The Road, Blood Meridian, and no.

4. Why is Jerry Goldsmith dead, dammit! Howard Shore, I suppose.

Hunter Tarantino asks:

1. What horror or action film in the 80’s had the most badass VHS cover art?

2. You kidnap the Jonas Brothers and Robert Pattinson and lock them in
a Thunderdome. Who do you have take care of these vaginas: the
Warriors, the Baseball Furies, or Gene Hackman’s squad of awesome from
Uncommon Valor?

3. What 80’s night-based comedy is your favorite:
Night Shift, Into the Night, or After Hours?

4. Worst 80’s one hit wonder?

5. They’re remaking
Fright Night and They Live. What is this shit?! If they remake Night of the Creeps I’ll be mega-pissed.

6. Favorite nude scene?

7. Movie you saw most times in theaters?

Falling Down is Joel Schumacher’s finest hour, agree or disagree?

Nick Answers:

1. Duh…

2. Reb Brown alone from Uncommon Valor trumps all, but the unit of Tim Thomerson, Fred Ward, Brown, Hackman, and gang is unstoppable amazingness incarnate!

3. Surprisingly, Into the Night.

4. Musical Youth and ‘Pass the Dutchie’.

5. Just assume eventually they’ll remake your cock and ambition and lose the bumpy, viscous qualities of those as well.

6. For nostalgia, Kelly Preston’s Mischief bush-share. Otherwise, I appreciate many forms and strands of nakedperson display but am more of a case-by-case guy.

7. Time Bandits.

8.Absolutely agree.

Renn Brown asks:

Logistically, how does a Tag-Team review come to be?

Nick Answers:

I think about who I saw a film with and figure if they make sense as a collective and ask them.

Tati asks:

Why hasn’t there been an article on the casting of Katie Holmes in a certain horror movie familiar to the site?

Nick Answers:

I wanted to wait until I was able to go into more detail. Unfortunately I cannot, because there are things in the air that affect my being able to really go into detail. In retrospect we should have just run a generic news story about it but I ASSUMED I’d have some cool shit to share (especially if the actor that may happen happens). I will no longer assume and prefer to remain mum on the project until I truly have something to say that is grounded 100% in fact.

But yes, Katie Holmes is starring in Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark and from all perspectives she looks to be really excited about kicking all sorts of ass in the role.

My involvement, well… it’s complicated. Or very simple. We’ll see

Fat Elvis asks:

1. Favorite album of the decade?

2. Favorite board game of all time?

3. Ever play Dungeons & Dragons?

4. Worst celebrity experience in the history of CHUD?

5. Sinatra- a fan? Who plays him in the movie?

6. 80’s Hanks or Keaton?

7. Ever suckered into selling Amway?

8. Favorite non-shark Scheider movie?

9. Most memorable audience reaction during a movie?

10. Mad Max 4?

11. The Goonies, over the years the primary CHUD nostalgia
whipping boy. Does it still wear the crown of shame or has another more
embarrassing movie emerged to take its place?

12. Bruce Lee-did you dig his stuff at all?

13. Any chance Michael Vick rehabilitates his image and/or salvages his career?

14. As a baseball fan, what was the more shameful occurrence-strike canceled World Series or rampant steroid era?

Sidebar: do you believe Clemens?

Nick Answers:

1. Other than our own phenomenal Too Trapped to Care, A Lesson With Each Broken Bone, Lobster, and Christmas is Fucked you mean? Maybe Aimee Mann’s Bachelor No. 2. Maybe Launchpad by Particle. Maybe Stanton Moore’s III. Maybe Ween’s White Pepper.

2. Monop! Play it five times a week on average, whether it be online, on my phone, or in the real.

3. Shit yeah I did! I loved it!

4. Morgan Freeman was kind of a dick.

5. I appreciate him, but am very not a fan. Someone to play him? Not Harry goddamn Connick goddamn Jr. As for who to play him, I have no idea. Maybe Karl Urban.

6. Keaton.

7. My parents did! No, I get suckered a lot though. For example, by web designers claiming to be able to evolve this site!

8. Marathon Man.

9. Most memorable reaction during a movie? The first time I saw Airplane! in a theater, opening weekend with my parents. It was like eyes were being opened to a new world of comedy. We ended up seeing it three times that weekend. Most memorable reaction during a concert? Great White.

10. Don’t care. The third one was balls.

11. Nah, The Goonies still sucks coxxyx!

12. A little bit, but not to a great extent.

13. I hope not. I hope he falls down and breaks his entire body.

14. The MEDIA COVERAGE of the Steroid Era.

Nope. He’s lying.

The Lucas asks:

What movies have you revisited that you used to love but now hate or dislike.

Same as above but the opposite.

Nick Answers:

Too many to mention. I really can’t tolerate ANY Star Wars movies any more. I no longer enjoy many of the Farrelly Bros. flicks. I don’t enjoy Tarantino’s movies much any more.

I find myself revisiting Hitchcock and Kubrick films I used to believe were their lesser works.

Schwartz asks:

Off the top of your head, what’s the funniest thing you can remember reading on the boards?

Do you use a service like netflix, and if so, what does the top of your queue look like?

What sport(s) has yet to receive a really proper onscreen treatment?

You’ve been accused of murder. Which chewer do you have represent you
in court? Which do you call as character witnesses? Which do you have
stricken from jury selection?

You’ve been sentenced to life (what the hell did you expect, you put
chewers in charge of your defense). Which chewers do you recruit to
watch your back in the yard? Who do you request as your bunkmate? Who
do you sell into sexual slavery to the Aryans so they leave you alone?

Nick Answers:

Board Member X talking about what a tough guy they are in the real world.

I do not.

You what we need? Finally a sports movie based on a true story about an underdog that rises to the top amidst tough circumstances.

My representative would either by Smilin’ Jack or Micah. Both have a way of working words like vorpal weapons of yore. Character witnesses? Fuck. I’ve burned too many bridges! I guess Matchstick and Misfit Will Mason. I’d have Bob Clark, Kirby Drummond, and Django forbidden, lest they out me as a not-great human.

Chewers to protect me? Board Member X, in case they weren’t full of shit. Bunkmate… one of the lady Chewers. Sexual Slavery? That honor goes to good ol’ Steve Murphy, because he’s a huge fan of both slavery and sexual.

The Lucas asks:

You a big Herzog fan? What are some of your favorites of his?

Nick Answers:

Not a big fan, though the 00’s Herzog is easy to love.

Anakin’s Dad asks:

God has chosen you, Nick Nunziata. You get to decide how the world ends. What is you method of destruction?

Nick Answers:

A weapon that only kills humans and man-made things. That way, the good shit about the planet can go on being good shit unmolested by the scourge known as you and me and those other fuckers with shirts.

Dross asks:

Jane’s Addiction vs. Smashing Pumpkins. Who wins?

Nick Answers:

Jane’s Addiction, because the band is really, REALLY good. That said, both lead singers suck so hard it hurts.

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