I used to answer each and every odd and fun question posed on the
message boards in the old days in these “Your Questions For” threads,
and the results were often a lot of fun. Basically folks could ask me
anything they want and I’d answer it honestly, jokingly, or with tons
of snark. Either way it was fun and it helped to illustrate the
personality of the site, the readers and their opinions, and answer
questions for new readers who don’t know what makes the site tick, who
I am, and why the fuck I am only five foot seven. So, I’ve resurrected
it! It’d be great to run one of these a week, but that’s up to you! use
the links at the bottom of the article to contribute.

Martin Savage asks:

Nick, who in your opinion is overdue for a comeback?



And between these guys, who should have a chance to get under the
spotlight again: Sean Patrick Flannery, Matthew Modine or Michael Biehn?



Nick Answers:

Jason Patric. Not that he ever became a huge star or “go to” guy, but he’s such a gifted actor I’ve never understood why he wasn’t often mentioned in the same breath as others of his age group. His work in Narc, Your Friends & Neighbors, and Rush alone deserves him the same kind of love given to many inferior actors. He’s got a reputation, but he’s worth it. I’d love to see him come back as a second lead in a handful of big movies, maybe even a juicy lead of his own.

Modine. It’s not even close. And the Band Played On and Full Metal Jacket are two of my favorites and in no small part due to Modine’s subtle but vital work. I love the guy and though he’s never been able to shed the WASPy vibe, I can’t help but root for him.



Humanoid asks:

Who, in your opinion, is the most underrated filmmaker working today?



Who’s the most overrated filmmaker?




If you could director-parole any director out of director-jail which director would it be?




Have you ever read a sentence that used the word “director” more times than the previous one?


Nick Answers:



Underrated: Offhand, I think John Dahl gets nowhere near the respect he deserves for his smaller but superbly directed stuff like Rounders, Red Rock West, The Last Seduction, and Joyride.

Overrated: Jonathan Demme.

John McTiernan.

Probably on IMDB’s message boards!

.


Alan “Nordling” Cerny asks:

What constructive criticism of the LOTR films would you give to Guillermo Del Toro for him not to repeat in his Hobbit films?

Nick Answers:



Since I worship those movies and have utmost confidence in both formerly fat filmmakers running the show there’s little I can offer other than to steer clear of overly sentimental stuff (which scared some of the “macho” types away) and frivolous material if possible. Also, since people are going to see these no matter what and they’re going to be huge… push the envelope a little.


BarkattheMoon asks:

Dear Nick,



The blow job scene in
The Brown Bunny: Brave or stupid? On a scale from 1 to 10, what would you give Chloe’s technique?

Nick Answers:


Brave AND stupid. I have no respect for Vincent Gallo as a man or filmmaker, so I’m not really that attached. I’d give Chloe a 3 out of 10. She looks uncomfortable (and she should, since it’s Gallo’s cock in her mouth) and blowjobs are beautiful and amazing things. They need to be handled with a sense of joy and wonder. That said, I’m sure she sucks magnificently these days and would love to see her technique in 2009. Personally.


Ogre asks:

Great set Nick. I’d really love to hear more about what your grand scheme for Prince of Darkness would be sometime.

Nick Answers:



I’m tempted but holding out hope the heavens part and allow me my chance. Suffice it to say the characters would actually be interesting and the sense of dread would be preserved if not upped.


Bobby Bear asks:

1.) Do you listen to episodes of The CHUD Show after they’ve been released?

2.) Which is the best installment?


3.) Which was the most fun to make?


4.) Are there any segment proposals that we may not know about that didn’t make the cut or that may emerge at some point?


5.) Will cajoling alone bring interviews back into the equation?


Nick Answers:



1.) Sure do. I find them entertaining and look for things to improve or do away with from them. Justin and I often IM each other little jokes or references from them.

2.) Probably #6 (The Levine Episode). That segment is the best thing we’ll ever do. As close to improv comedy as I’ll ever get I think.

3.) Same as above. That segment worked better than it ever should have. We all were in stitches. It had no right being as successful and consistent as it was.

4.) We have deleted and shitcanned many, but all for a reason.

5.) We may TRY them, but they won’t see the light of day unless they’re really worthy


The Lucas asks:

1. What is your favorite Michael Mann movie besides Heat


2. Favorite written or directed (or both) David Mamet movie


3. Who do you wish had a bigger carrer (besides Dinklage)


4. Who do you wish had a smaller carrer (besides the guy from Big Fish)


5. If you could pick any director to direct any adaptation of anything of your choosing, what would it be.


6. Favorite Paul Greengrass

7. Favorite movie magazine

8. Have you shown your daughter a movie you wish you wouldn’t have?


9. Favorite Ang Lee film


10. Are you a 2001: A Space Oddesey fan?


10b. What is your favorite Kubrick


Nick Answers:



1. Collateral.
2. Glengarry Glen Ross and The Edge as far as his written or adapted work and either The Winslow Boy or The Spanish Prisoner as a director.
3. Robert John Burke.
4. Zac Efron and Robert Pattinson.
5. Well, other than my own stuff (because it seems the only way to guarantee you’ll be truly protected is to originate it), I’d like to see Guillermo tackle his Lovecraft story and my number one choice of director for a project I spearheaded is very close to doing it. When it’s official (fingers crossed), the pairing will be kismet. Truly. In a less cryptic, direct answer to your question, how’s about the Coens doing Preacher?
6. Black Sunday, though he would have made the perfect Watchmen.
7. Empire.
8. Selfishly, Mary Poppins. That bitch was heavy rotation for a while.
9. Still Hulk.
10. I am now after many years of calling it the most overrated film of all time.
10b. My favorite Kubrick is the one that made movies. My favorite of his movies is The Shining, his best is 2001, and his least appreciated is Paths of Glory.


Matt Turner asks:

I noticed in one of your responses this last Friday that you watch
Shark Week. I don’t know how often you make it to the beach, but do you
find your watching shark programs greatly effects your willingness to
get in the water? I’m not a huge beach person, but I always went
swimming in the beach when I was younger (and wasn’t absolutely
disgusted by the beaches in Galveston here). These days, with all I
have seen on shark programs and with super slow mo seal deaths on
Planet Earth, I don’t think I could get the intellectual part of my
brain to convince my fear side to set even a toe in that water.


Nick Answers:


I am so in love and awe of the sea I could never let the fear of anything keep me from it. I’m not a graceful swimmer, have difficulty with my ears while SCUBA diving, and am a bit of a puss when potential danger lurks ahead but sharks are worth it. We are soft, slow, lazy creatures and the sea is their domain. We have no rights there. Respect the shark, love the shark, and fear the shark, but never should that prohibit you from experiencing the most fantastic and glorious place on Earth.


Jesse the Mind asks:

What’s your take on drill instructor-turned-non-actor-actor R. Lee
Ermey? For me it’s mostly jealousy – I wish I could walk onto a set (or
in front of a microphone, in the case of voice acting), be myself (and
have myself be that fucking bad-ass, while I’m at it) for a little
while, and collect a hefty paycheck.


Nick Answers:



I like him but got tired of folks using his schtick over and over again. I like when he plays different characters, like in Dead Man Walking. That said, his breakthrough performance is still the stuff of legend.


Bucho asks:

I hate that you harbor a burning hatred for New Zealand as evidenced by
not having Flight Of The Conchords on your TV list, but I love that you
insist on calling the monster from Cloverfield Cloverfield and that as
a slasher you’d use a rib from your previous victim as your weapon.


Nick Answers:



I like Conchords but in small doses and I love New Zealand and want to visit there this or next year. Thank you for liking my jokes. Also thank you for not asking a question.


JessetheMind asks:

City of Industry – Any good? It has a fantastic soundtrack.

Nick Answers:



It’s OK. Forgettable. But Famke is in it!


The Lucas asks:

I know you are a big Soderbergh fan, so have you seen The Girlfriend Experience yet? If so did you like it?

Nick Answers:



I have not. Plan to though!


YT asks:

Will we ever see the return of CHUD obits?

Which is the greatest Kurt Russell character of all time and why he over all the others?


What do you like better, comics or novels and why?


What is the book/story you love above all others, or closest to the top?


If you could observe your life like Woody Allen in Annie Hall, what would you point to as the moment that most explains you?




I hope none of these has been asked already!


Nick Answers:



Probably, yeah.

He’s not as fun as Jack Burton or as brilliantly coiffed like Captain Ron, but R.J. MacReady.

Novels, for their depth and ability to convey inner monologue and because there’s more gifted and disciplined writers there, as a whole.

I have always had a very personal and important connection with The Stand, though much of that is about timing and that it found me at a very open and malleable stage and stuck to my cortex. It’s not the best, but it’s the most important to me. In fact, I’m toying with revisiting it in the near future.

Other people can answer that much better than I could, but offhand either a moment where I’m in the nature section of a book store going apeshit over some primordial deep-sea beast with my daughter, when I wasn’t liking the movie I took my pants off and threw them at the screen in the theater showing Richard III, or when I’m sitting with two computers bouncing between projects while the ballgame plays on the TV and some space funk is playing from my Ipod.


Chris Meyers asks:

1) What is the status of 11 Colonals Attack?



2) What of these two can we expect first: An announcement that MEG is
actually entering pre-production and being made, or seeing Rick Moranis
in theatres again?




3) What will your kid see first: Jaws, Videodrome or 12 Angry Men?




4) And if Richard Dreyfuss punched you, what would you do to him?


Nick Answers:



1) It is written and awaiting new producers and financing. Andrew and I plan to direct it but we need someone else to step in and steer the ship.

2) I’m sure Rick Moranis will take his family to the movies sometime soon. But MEG is stirring.

3) Jaws.

4) Laugh at.




Tati asks:

If face transplants become more common and they start actually working. Who’s celebrity’s face would you like to get?




When The Governator finishes his term, should he go back to starring in films? Or has his time passed already?




What’s the best movie site out there (besides CHUD, obviously)


Nick Answers:



Mothra.

He should go on a peacekeeping mission, apologizing for The Sixth Day.

Here’s a cop-out. IMDB.


Tati asks:

What’s your favorite Ang Lee film?

Nick Answers:



Ang Lee’s AMALGAM. I love the part when the Tai Chi student notices that Kevin Kline has a dysfunctional family and goes to the desert and smashes rockets into gay cowboys.


sunwukong asks:

1) In order of descending profitability, what single actions best benefits CHUD financially? [i.e., Amazon, ad views, etc.]



2) In order of descending profitability, which of the above made the
most, in aggregate, for CHUD? [i.e., which of the above were used to
CHUD’s best benefit]




3) The less hair you have on top of your head, does the beard have to grow proportionally?




4) You’re a huge baseball fan — that said, if given a chance at the
first game of the World Series, would a) you flub the opening pitch ,
b) take the chance and bean someone famous (who?), or c) prove that
you’re the bastard child of Nolan Ryan and Phil Niekro?


Nick Answers:



1) Ads. Paypal donations. Amazon. When folks buy music off iTunes.

2) It’s pretty much the ads. Nothing else yields much.

3) No, but these days there is no shortage of hair.

4) I would deliver a gorgeous strike from the mound, wowing everyone until they realize that were there a batter there he’d have smashed the ball through my face nerves.


Hammerhead asks:

Why didn’t Adventureland get more attention?



Is it a good or bad thing that people outside our internet bubble still
use the titles ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Star Wars’ interchangeably?




Virginia Madsen or Phoebe Cates?


Nick Answers:



Because it’s a minor film.

It’s bad because it shows how dumb they are.

Phoebe Cates every day of the week.


nekkerbee asks:

1) Name 5 actors whose performances you always appreciate, even if the
film itself is subpar; actors whose very presence pleases you.




2) When you hear the phrase “banality of evil”, who springs to mind?




3a) Give me five of your favorite words (real words, please.) Foreign words are fine (I’m fond of
lustmord), but they must be recognized words.



3b) Now give me five of your favorite made-up words, whether invented by you or another wordsmith.


Nick Answers:



1) Alec Baldwin. Paddy Considine. John Hawkes. John Cusack. Kevin Kline.

2). Primetime Television.

3a). Naprapathy, Fishmonger, Meander, Detritus, and Poop.

3b) Sleepass, Ponyerkmoos, Sharkinson’s, Bot!, and Shobba.


Jakespeare asks:

I disagree with you about Eraserhead and Mulholland Drive but I’m dying to know your opinion on my other favorite filmmaker:




Woody Allen. Which films do you consider his best? Which films are
underrated? Which films are the failures that nobody mentions (We all
know Hollywood Ending and Anything Else blow, but it seems like very
few actually realize that Deconstructing Harry does too.).


Nick Answers:



I love Annie Hall, Crimes and Misdemeanors, and Bananas. I think Zelig, though praised, as a rather stunning underappreciated little film and a nice stretch for Woody. I also find Mighty Aphrodite and Curse of the Jade Scorpion solid recent efforts. I don’t like Mia Farrow at all, so I tend to shy away from the films in which she was Woody’s Muse/Annoyingface. A great script like Alice loses a lot to me with her in the lead, though it is a good movie. I felt Match Point was balls and find a lot of his latter stuff to be decent at best. I’m not a fan of Sleeper though I understand why it’s important. Still, I hope the guy makes movies for another twenty years. Also, I’m the guy who doesn’t like Sweet and Lowdown.

Eyeball Kid asks:

1. A word problem: You’re traveling on a train from New York City to
Atlanta. Steve is on another train from Phoenix to Atlanta. You intend
to return to Atlanta from your respective trips (You: Beard enhancement
surgery. Steve: Having his “Mr. Deeds” poster restored) within 30
minutes of one another. Steve is to be your ride home. You board your
train at 9:15 AM exactly, depart from the station 12 minutes later, and
maintain an average speed of 50 miles per hour. Steve misses his train
because goddammit Steve. He gets the next scheduled train at 4:37 in
the afternoon and departs 17 minutes later, maintaining an average
speed of 52 miles per hour. How much do you drink during your train
trip, and how many times do you drunk call Justin to bitch about Steve?
Show your work.




2. Guillermo offers to produce and finance any project you want. Film,
book, comic, music, whatever. What do you birth upon an unsuspecting
populace?




3. If you could live anywhere in the US besides Atlanta, where would you live?




4. Flooring: carpet, wood, engineered wood, laminate, tile, or sawdust and cigarette butts?




5. Do all of the questions about the director of Hulk make you anglee?


Nick Answers:



1. Steve sucks.

2. If it were one of mine, Pain. There’s a book I’m working on adapting that may actually have a chance so I won’t mention it. Otherwise, I’d love to be involved in doing something small. Maybe Johnny Dynamite, Max Allan Collins’ mini-series. Fuck, all the stuff I really want to do I’m trying to actually do and to mention it could squander them! Sorry to be so cagey.

3. San Diego.

4. Wood, Evan Rachel.

5. No, they fill me with lust. And caution.


nekkerbee asks:

A few more…



4) As a man of intellect and taste you recognize that the horror genre didn’t begin with
Halloween or The Exorcist. What are 5 of your favorite horror films from the 60s or earlier?



5) If you could resurrect one extinct animal species via genetic engineering, what would it be?




6) What do you think is the funniest sexual perversion? The most disgusting?




7) You’ve mentioned that you have caught and released poisonous spiders
rather than executing them merely for being weirdly shaped trespassers.
Would you be so understanding if you woke up with this?:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v3…kingspider.jpg



8) Who inherits your beard when you pass on? Would you gift it to someone who has lost the use of their beard?


Eh, two more for an even ten:



9a) While nuking a contaminated Hot Pocket in an American microwave
oven, the inevitable mishap occurs and floods you with radiation
turning you into a mutant freak who should be KILLED WITH FIRE. What
are your powers, freak?




9b) Assuming you did the prudent thing and chose “shapeshifting” as the
answer to 9a, you discover you can only shapeshift into one thing; what
is it?




10) Robert Pattinson has assassinated President Obama, burned down a
rescue shelter full of puppies, and managed to collect and permanently
destroy every existing film, vhs, beta, laserdisc, dvd, and digital
copy of The Thing (’82) (plus any other formats I may have overlooked.)
He has been caught and sentenced to death, and an enraged nation
selects your name from the phone book to be the executioner. How do you
Fuck This Face?


Nick Answers:



4) Carnival of Souls. Nosferatu. Creature from the Black Lagoon. Bride of Frankenstein. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

5) This list hurts so much to read, just layers upon layers of creatures that are gone. I know we aren’t responsible for the majority of them, but I still wonder how many we could save. Then again at at what cost? Anyhow, professionally I’d like to see the Meg brought back into reality but realistically it be something like the Baiji dolphin or something. An animal that actually is a positive force in their  environment and beautiful to boot!

6) Funniest: People who hang glide into pussies. Most Disgusting: When they overshoot and plummetfuck into stalagmites.

7) I’d high-five that fucking spider eight times and take it to lunch!

8) Maggots.

9a) I would have the ability to liquefy my bones and slide into arcade coin slots where I would lie in wait only to reform inside the machine and break it just as someone is about to get the high score. Also, I’d be invisible, invincible, and able to fly as lesser powers next to my coin slot sneak attack.

9b) I’d like to be able to shapeshift into horrible creatures but as cute anamorphic geometrical shapes. Imagine the most fearsomely adorable hexagonal werewolf rolling sideways at you under the light of the full moon.

10) Shatter his mirror and mousse container.


EdHocken asks:

Will Ted Levine ever make a return and face down Steve “Daggertown” Murphy?

Nick Answers:



Could happen!


HunterTarantino asks:

Favorite trailer for a movie?



Which early Michael Mann movie do you prefer:
Thief or Manhunter?



Why the fuck is
Dancing with the Stars so goddamn popular, and why have they not called Ernie Hudson for an appearance yet?



Does Susan Boyle your anger?




Cobra. Tango & Cash. What’s the better bloated 80’s Stallone action movie?



Best fast food?


Nick Answers:



Off the top of my head, I remember Goodfellas and T2 getting me awfully excited.

Manhunter. Thief is also good but the pace and somewhat weak 3rd act (yeah I know, Mann’s Achilles Heel on many films) hurts it. Manhunter was one of the early ‘grown up films’ that latched on to me and I still love it.

It’s popular people human beings are oftentimes dumb sheep and would rather watch other people do shit than experience it themselves. That said, I hate dancing, so I wouldn’t even watch it if every celebrity I love was on the damn thing. As for Ernie Hudson, who cares? It’s Ernie Hudson for Mako’s sake.

All flash in the pans do.

Tango & Cash. Cobra‘s a more 80’s film and it features an irritated Brian Thomspon, but Tango & Cash is loaded with great one liners from Stallone and Russell AND features Robert Z’Dar and Brion James. It’s a no-brainer. Literally.

Chick Fil-A.


The Mechanic asks:

1. I’m curious, What’s your process on this feature? Do you answer the
questions as they come up and then post them on friday, or is there a
lot of rumination before you tackle the whole deal?




2. Breakfast Club is on tv,and I realize it’s a really good movie. Who’s your favorite member?


Nick Answers:



1. Typically I plug them in here and attack them at once. This installment was plagued by a myriad of obstacles, some unfortunate and some not. I tend to get on a roll if I address it as a whole. This one took five days. That won’t happen again.
2. Judd Nelson owns that film.


Fat Elvis asks:

1. Any funny 96 Rock/CNN stories? (Was your tenure on 96 after Christopher Rude?)

2. Braves vs Yankees in the Series, who’d ya root for?


3. Enjoy watching movies at the Fox? Go much? (Think I saw you at GOODFELLAS, you were pretty blasted!)


4. John Wayne-a fan?


5. Paul Newman’s food products-yay or nay?


6. Favorite Western? Musical? War movie?


7. Magic or Bird?


8. Most egregious exclusion from the Hall of Fame–Pete Rose or Shoeless Joe?


9. Favorite American President or politician?


10. Led Zep or The Who?


11. Favorite 3-D movie?


12. Worst fashion era (error) of your lifetime?


Nick Answers:



1. Not really. My time at CNN was largely unremarkable both in my delivery, the resulting traffic, and the value of time spent. It was fun and there were some great people there but since I wasn’t a part of official staff it was a fun thing to do for a while but wearing makeup and dress clothes were never my favorite things and there was an awful lot of downtime where I was hard-pressed to be either productive or entertained. I am glad I did it but have no brilliant stories other than the fact I secretly would IM Matchstick and we’d come up with words I was to drop on air. 96 Rock was always a “show up, do your thing, and leave” situation but I did judge a few live competitions for them and I think I did a good job of holding my own against Larry, whose views and mine almost never meshed. I loved doing The Regular Guys. I am not a fan of Chris Rude and have never dealt with him professionally.
2. Braves.
3.I haven’t seen a movie at the Fox since the early 80’s.
4. He’s fine. I don’t go out of my way to revisit his stuff.
5. Case by case. I think their pretzels taste like Himmler’s drawers.
6. Once Upon a Time in the West. Grease. Full Metal Jacket.
7. Even though everything he’s done since sucks ass, Magic.
8. Rose. I am baffled how boneheaded everyone regarding the Rose situation has been boneheaded fools, Rose included.
9. Lincoln I suppose. In my lifetime, each one aside from the last one had their values. I have strong belief that Obama will end up at the top of the heap.
10. I like Led Zeppelin. I don’t like The Who. That said, I’d be just never hearing either again.
11. Beowulf.
12. The 80’s was EVERYONE’S worst moment.


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