I used to answer each and every odd and fun question posed on the
message boards in the old days in these “Your Questions For” threads,
and the results were often a lot of fun. Basically folks could ask me
anything they want and I’d answer it honestly, jokingly, or with tons
of snark. Either way it was fun and it helped to illustrate the
personality of the site, the readers and their opinions, and answer
questions for new readers who don’t know what makes the site tick, who
I am, and why the fuck I am only five foot seven. So, I’ve resurrected
it! It’d be great to run one of these a week, but that’s up to you! use
the links at the bottom of the article to contribute.

Jakespeare asks:

What TV do you watch on a week by week basis nowadays? You’ve mentioned
a love for Sons of Anarchy but what other current shows turn your crank?



Nick Answers:

Thanks to the (increasingly more expensive) magic of iTunes, I’m able to subscribe to the shows I plan to keep up with on a regular basis. Stuff like Sons of Anarchy (which I love despite knowing there’s a serious narrative flaw and a lead character I truly don’t care about), Breaking Bad (which I’m hoarding for some rainy day or a long plane trip across the world), Rescue Me (which I love to death, as evidenced by my ignored season preview), Lost (which lately made my eyes glaze over in indifference, Dexter (which sadly STILL hasn’t put season three on iTunes), Top Gear, etc.

Actually, looking through my iTunes library, here’s the shows I watch, aside from Major League Baseball, which I have on my television whenever I turn it on:

Breaking Bad, Burn Notice, Cities of the Underworld, Damages, Dexter, Entourage, Extreme Engineering, Fringe, The Henry Rollins Show, Lost, MonsterQuest, Psych, Rescue Me, Shark Week, The Shield, Sons of Anarchy, The Sporanos, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Top Gear, The Wire, 24, 30 Rock.



Chappers asks:

1.) If you had to put a percentage on MEG getting to screens in the next three years what would it be?



2.) If you, Devin and Harry Knowles entered The Thunderdome who comes
out standing and just how quickly does Knowles get slaughtered?




3.) What would Ed Wood say to Uwe Boll after watching House of the Dead?


Nick Answers:



1.) 10%. But, I feel that it’ll be in production within those three years. So, if you’d have said five years I’d have said something like 90%. In some ways the project is back at the starting blocks, but I think it’s a much stronger project now. More focused. Less compromised. I could be wrong. I just like the mindset and it seems real strides are being made, ones that will hopefully cut back on the politics and focus on bringing Steve’s story to life.

2.) These kind of questions always made someone look bad, but I’ll give it a shot. I think I’m the most active, so in a larger arena I should have the advantage. I’m pretty strong and fast and have had enough scraps to be able to hold my own. That said, I think Devin’s more capable of closing the deal than I because he’s a little more ‘street’, so where I might be one to go easy he’d probably be best suited to deliver the coup de grace. Harry would be rough in close-quarters and you’d have to avoid his reach because it’d be nighty-night if he got his arms around you. To compare us to Marvel characters past and present. I’m Batroc, Devin’s The Falcon, and Harry’s M.O.D.O.K.

So, I’m going to say Uwe Boll would win. In a moviemaking contest, we would win but apparently Uwe Boll’s had some boxing lessons so in a twist Harry, Devin, and I must form as one odd-looking, cheesy-smelling Devastator istead of war against each other.

3.) Whoa, Uwe Boll! I didn’t even read ahead! Ed Wood would say this to Uwe:

“Brrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnsssssssssssss!”

And then he’d eat the Lauren Hutton toothed auteur because Ed Wood is fuckin’ dead.


Judas Booth asks:

Any progress on the new CHUD site? Do you have any need for someone to provide some QA on it before it gets released?

Nick Answers:



Theoretically there is daily progress on the redesign. It’s code built entirely from scratch, which takes time. That said, there is no way we should still be talking about a fucking redesign of the site. If I knew three years ago I’d still be pulling my (gorgeous flowing) hair out over this issue I’d have just turned the site into a gay porn site (like it already isn’t) and called it a day.


HBarr asks:

1. Hitler, Bush, Stalin



2. What is the biggest problem facing the US?




3. What villian do you want to see in Spidey 4?


Nick Answers:


1. I don’t know what this means. Is this the new Rock, Scissors, Paper game? If so, Hitler beats Bush, Stalin beats Bush, and your uncle Teddy’s disfigured Vietnam hand beats Bush.

The sweet confines of Gwen Stefani’s vagina also beat Bush. Poor pussywhipped Gavin Rossdale…

2. Either our scatterbrained “police the world at all costs” dictum or Cloverfield (yes, I insist that the monster be called that).

3. Kraven.


Schwartz asks:

What does success smell like?

Nick Answers:



Jeff Fahey.


Eyeball Kid asks:

1. Your thoughts on this T-shirt please: http://www.threadless.com/product/844/Spoilt



2. You’ve mentioned your love of pick-up-and-play puzzle games like Zuma before. Have you tried Peggle yet?


Nick Answers:



1. It’s cute, just like much of the stuff on Threadless. The compulsion to be defined by t-shirts has become stronger in the day of ‘on demand’ printing where folks can skip actual interaction and communicate entirely through t-shirts. Maybe that’s where we’re going, like the rain forest birds with the flashy displays of color and choreography. I think clever t-shirts are great in concept and there are some brilliant ideas on displays. But to actually don one and walk around seems to turn the corner from clever to annoying.

2. Peggle has been a passion since it first became available for the iPod. I still check the Apps store every few days for it, since it was announced last fall.


Ogre asks:

1:Following the current trend in cinema, if you were to personally
remake/reboot any movie, what film do you think you could personally
improve upon.




2: Why?




3: What was the last movie that really REALLY made you emotional (scared, sad, angry, ecstatic)?


Nick Answers:



1: Since it looks like I’m having no luck in finding out the proper chain of rights, I’ll just say it. John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness.

2: I have a take on it and it’s fucking great. I like the movie, but it’s a failure in the grand scheme due to limited resources and less vision than it could have had to make it a truly unforgettable movie. Even in its current form it’s pretty fucking chilling. Nobody in mainstream horror was able to capture DREAD like Carpenter. But the movie is an unpolished diamond. If I could get my paws on the property I would slam dunk it so hard  Ike Turner’s corpse would get jealousy pangs.

3. Disney Nature’s Earth. Though it repurposes some stuff from Planet Earth, the scene where the polar bear gives up, lays down, and just dies really, REALLY does a number on me. With James Earl Jones narrating it? FUCK.


TzuDohNihm asks:

If MTV resurrected FANatic and did a few CHUD episodes, what message board denizens would you pair up with which site writers?



A real pairing and a pairing just to piss off that writer.




Yourself, Devin, Russ and Alex at the very least if you please.


Nick Answers:


I don’t know much about the show, but from the little information I could find I’d try the following:

Me: Real pairing would be Kevin Matchstick because we have such a great rapport and track record of amusing ourselves, everyone else be damned. A pairing to piss me off could easily be one of hundreds of Troll-types but they don’t deserve the attention. I’ll go with Bob Clark, because we agree very rarely, and he seems to truly have some vendetta against me to the point where he poo-poos on everything I do here even though it’s of no harm and cost to him. It’d be interesting at least.

Devin: It’d be too easy to go with one of his “Mini-Dev” types but I like the balance of knowledge and with he and Beaks/Jeremy Smith had and think they could do quite a bit of damage as a tandem and there’d be a nice balance of insider info and obscure miscellany to justify the endeavor. A pairing to piss him off? Diva/Sabrica. They have a history, they can’t not clash, and nothing lights up Nielsen boxes like the conflicts between loud, opinionated men and women.

Russ: I think he would have a good bit of rapport with someone like Spike Marshall. They both are encyclopedias of obscure stuff and they like to show it off. Would be a good source of info of ‘off the beaten path’ stuff. To piss him off, I have no idea. Someone who picks apart every little detail of what he does.

Alex: I really don’t know. The horror guys on the message boards I don’t know too much about and Alex has done a good job of not stirring too much shit.


The Lucas asks:

1. Your favorite Spike Lee joint



2. Favorite Linklater movie




3. Favorite Ang Lee




4. Favorite Gilliam


Nick Answers:



1. It’s not really a ‘joint’, but 25th Hour is his best movie. I cannot believe how special that film is to me. It’s his most mature as well. He’s made more important movies, but that is one to put on the tombstone.

2. Dazed and Confused. God, he’s made some films I loathe too.

3. Crouching Hulk.

4. Time Bandits.


donde asks:

A while back on one of the podcasts I think it was Steve, although it
may have been Justin, that pulled the first volume of Ghost In The
Shell TV series off your DVD shelves. You said you didn’t care much for
it. Did you ever get around to watching the whole thing? I always found
the show to be the best example of
entertaining (everyone has
their own judgments on what’s entertainment) anime out there for anyone
to get into (as long as they can get over the whole animation deal).


Nick Answers:



I never approached Ghost in the Shell again, because it simply didn’t work for me. I have the Shirow trades and I appreciate them. But I don’t like the story that much and still find a large percentage of anime to be completely not my cup of tea. Then I see Miyazaki’s work and I try to embrace it, only to be battered back by the large chunk of “me too” stuff that simply requires too much time I don’t have to find the nuances.


ElCapitanAmerica asks:

The CHUD Bar & Lounge. More details, and where can I make a donation?

Nick Answers:



Will Mason and I discussed opening a bar called The Sewer a year or two back and it was a sound idea. A combination of the the things that make us happy but in a relaxed setting. A hang-out. Not a movie theater, normal bar, or someone’s basement but a combination. A place where a variety of fun things work. Then, I started working at Smokers Paradise, the cigar bar I’m at all too often here on the North side of Atlanta. I have learned a good bit, realized I’m pretty good at it, and that if handled right, there’s a way The Sewer could work. Now some interesting new possibilities are making themselves available and we’ll see. Bottom line is that we have no capital and it’s impossible for us to get a loan right now. So, unless you have access to truly welathy folks who trust a bonehead like me, it’ll be a dream until reality catches up.


Anderson asks:

QUESTIONS QUINTUS MAXIMUS



1) When Steve Perry dies…will it be tasteful to call it “The Day We Stopped Believing”?




2) How would you revamp Ka-Zar?




3) Chev Chelios vs. Jason Voorhees. Who wins?




4) If times got rougher and you had to turn CHUD into an e-brothel. Who do you think is the best bitch in your stable?




5) Acapella Groups. Spawns of Satan, the third testicle of Shuma-Gorath
or pleasant background noise while the global economy crashes into the
ocean?


Nick Answers:



1) When Steve Perry dies absolutely nothing will be affected.

2) I wouldn’t! Though I like the Savage Land, I don’t like scantily dressed men running around stinking up the place with their dirty bare feet and silly blonde hair.

3) Jason. Because don’t need anything to get motivated other than his hate. Result: Hate is better than electricity.

4) Other than Devin?

5) They should have an A-Capella group made up of Louis Armstrong, Michelle Branch, Adam Duritz, Geddy Lee, Kate Pierson, and every Emo band frontman. Then all the voices that annoy me can be in one place at one time. Ideally a place on a faultline during the tremor season. And yes, I know Armstrong is dead already and that he’s a legend. His voice is still Muppet and must be forever silenced .


Schwartz asks:

What’s the deal with airplane food?

Nick Answers:



In my case, it makes me expand inside so that I’m really uncomfortable. I know that wasn’t the point of your question but I’m a renegade.


nekkerbee asks:

1) You have, for personal reasons, decided to go all Behind the Mask and become a slasher.

a) What’s your moniker?


b) What’s your weapon of choice?


c) Who are your victims of choice?


d) Where are your stomping grounds?




2) You’ve described your partner in artcrime as “the lovely and
retarded Andrea.” How lovely and retarded is she, using a scale of
Zelda Rubenstein with a Rhodes Scholarship on one end, and Kate
Beckinsale with Down’s Syndrome on the other.




If desired, you may use an alternative scale of fecal solidity, with
shiss being not lovely or retarded at all, and firm toilet-choking
rectobeasts as very lovely and extremely retarded.




3) What three not-so-great films would you remake, fixing the problems that made them not-so-great in the first place?


Nick Answers:



1) Ok!
a) Daggertown.
b) I use a rib from my previous victim.
c) People who tailgate at college football games.
d) The Deep South.

2)
She’s a lovely retard. She’s the best kind of best retard friend a retard friend could want. She’s up for anything, loves board games, cigars, movies, and is a great collaborator and she’s not bad to look at. What’s not to like? I’d say she’s the best retard friend ever. A blurry picture of her in mid-Monopoly action:



3) Since I did Prince of Darkness already I’ll do… Van Helsing the right way, Mr. Frost on a larger scale, and Godzilla MY WAY. I’d drop everything to do a Godzilla movie. As for the flaws, Van Helsing was rife with them from casting to concept to execution. Mr. Frost is a really good film that no one has seen but there’s a lot of great possibility in the concept. And Godzilla… well, the wrong people made that fucking movie.





TzuDohNihm asks:

Nick, do you like movies about gladiators?




Have you ever seen a grown man naked?




Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?


Nick Answers:



I only answer to Peter Graves on questions like these.


Troy n asks:

Will you name your son after me? Seriously…do it.

Nick Answers:



Troy? F-ing TROY? No way! Troy’s the name of the guy with the pastel sweater around his neck prancing about the tennis clubhouse. Troy’s the name of the guy in the sales meeting telling us to adhere to the writing of Stephen Covey. Troy’s… the… name… of… the… guy… directing many movies I want to work on… I’ll consider it.


Renn Brown asks:

What movie, that is currently not in production but you are certain
will be made in the foreseeable future, are you most looking forward to?




What movie, that is currently not in production but you are certain
will be made in the foreseeable future, are you most dreading?


Nick Answers:



Other than ones I’m involved in, of course. Because those obviously are the answer…

I have confidence that Guillermo’s Lovecraft movie will eventually get made. That’d be huge. I’m actually quite hopeful that Halo will happen and though it’s not the most original story I want to see it realized onscreen. I think someone will make another giant monster movie than makes an impact. I don’t have massive dreams and the best movies will always be the ones that sneak up on us, but I would like to see some visionary creatures show up sooner rather than later.

Aside from sequels, Tyler Perry movies,  and adaptations of horrible books and comics? Aside from teen vehicles, remakes, and musicals that forget what makes musicals great? Other than bad CGI cartoons from major studios? Hmmmmm, I have no idea.

As an aside that new Night at the Museum trailer hurt my free will hole.


Fat Elvis asks:

Hawks fan? Favorite player (current and classic).



Did you ever boo Koncak?




Favorite New York movie?




Mickey Rourke-love or hate? Best and worst flick?




Favorite Yankees team? Player?




Catholic school experience-anything like
Heaven Help Us?

Nick Answers:



Yes I am. Currently it’s Josh Smith despite his mental snafus (it was Josh Childress but he got fucked away to Greece didn’t he?). Past it was always Doc Rivers. I loved that guy and it pains me to see him coaching the enemy.

I booed the fuck out of Koncak, which is funny since I see the guy at the grocery store from time to time and he seems like a generally good chap.

Goodfellas.

Hate. Best is Diner. Worst is still to come I believe. I think the guy is going to parlay his newfound clout into bad places.

I’ll say the 2000 team, because they got to destroy the Mets. Paul O’Neill is my favorite player by a long stretch.

Nope. Catholic school was a boring, church-infused blur of everything I don’t need. Probably the worst year of my schoolgoing life.


Phil asks:

What’s it like being Italian in the South?



Do you go through manic, waxing and waning-type levels of enthusiasm for the site, or is it always fun, or always a grind?




Are you ever tempted to tap Devin on the shoulder and be all “I got
this set visit, Devin; grab some bench for this one”? If so, which set
visits? If not, why not?


Nick Answers:



I’m not really all that Italian other than the hair, the vowels, and the grease. I’m just a guy in the South and it’s just fine thank you.

I’m always enthusiastic for site CONTENT. I’m always enthusiastic about stuff that involves the readers or allows folks to be entertained or informed. The day-to-day stuff is difficult. I don’t like the business aspect, trying to make sure the staff is on point or using their time well, and all that jazz. It wears on me. I’m not a very good manager. I’m an idea guy. So, there’s always a glass is half great vibe to my day but still it’s a challenge. My goal within the next year is to dramatically improve the way the site is run and the behind the scenes aspect of it as well. Once a few things click into place…

I’ve done set visits and they’re fine. I don’t much care who does them. My main thing is that they are time consuming and sometimes don’t lead to massively great content. A lot of times it’s more about name-dropping “I was on the set of __________” and that has no value whatsoever. All things being equal, Devin’s the best at it. Aside from Smilin’ Jack of course.


Forsaken No More asks:

(1) Did Nick Nunziata ever pour out a little liqour for Pat Morita when he passed in 2005?




R.I.P. Mr. Miyagi: He was a soldier & a PIMP!!!!!




(2) If Michael Bay were to direct MEG?




(3) The Varsity: Have you ever eaten there?




(4) What did you think of John Frankenheimer’s car chases in Ronin?




(5) The surprise success of Taken: Was it unintentional and/or are the French up to something here?




(6) Your humble choice for directorial duties for Bond 23?




(7) Tony Scott: Is he adopted?


Nick Answers:



(1) Waste good liquor? ON AN ASIAN?

(2) I would be overjoyed if Michael Bay were to direct the shark flick. So would my bank account. Are you kidding me? It’d be the most memorable shoot ever, the movie would look great and be as fun as a shark movie could ever be. Plus, I could sneak in my dreams scenes of the shark having missile tubes in its abdomen, shooting napalm from its gill slits, and flying through the air and tunneling through the Earth to the core where it teams up with dinosaurs. Michaey Bay’s Meg would be legendary
.

(3) I have and it is very overrated. The Varsity sucks.

(4) Aside from the blinking headlights, it’s amazing stuff. Some of the best I’ve seen.

(5) Luck and good timing. It was a meaty, well marketed film that came out against NOTHING. That time of year is often untapped and since the whole country was fed up with nonstop political nonsense I think a film where a regular parent (sorta) takes matters into his own hands outside the law had a certain appeal. It’s nice to see, though the success of that film cannot be replicated artificially. Best case scenario: it reminds people how great Liam Neeson is and gets Spielberg’s Lincoln movie made. Because, you know… Spielberg has no clout to make the movie with whomever he wants…

(6) Like it matters. The big question is who the 2nd unit director is. I like when REAL directors do action movies, because it ensures that the stuff between the scenes has a better chance of being good. Like Phil Alden Robinson did with The Sum of All Fears. I don’t like stunt casting, whether it be actors or behind the scenes crews… so I’ll forgo the stupid “Tarantino needs to do it” fanboy shit and go with someone who can hold the fort between the overdone action scenes. How’s about Kevin MacDonald?

(7) Nope, but he needs Ritalin.

The Lucas asks:

1. Why was Taken so popular

2. How much is a ticket at your favorite theater


3. What do you hate most at the theater (besides the clan and nazis)


Nick Answers:



1. Scroll up a few questions.

2. $10.

3. I hate the people! I don’t mean that in a way meant to sound cruel, but the majority of the human race sucks and it seems that the choice members end up in theaters with me. Let me use last night as an example:

Foolishly I decided to see the midnight showing of X-Men Origins: Wolverine last night. I like midnight shows because there’s not much else to do, most of the people I know are sleeping or boringly at home with their wives and husbands, and there’s a slightly heightened sense of value to the showing. So I went. It wasn’t jam-packed as I suspected it would be, partially because it was on four screens. Fast and Furious was on one for the midnight showing and it was a madhouse. Dave (Wagner) and I get our seats. The commercials go on forever, including a five-minute long one for a horrendous looking new show on Cartoon Network. Then a couple sits next to me and the guy instantly think she has dominion on my armrest. He doesn’t. I win. Then this bizarre nuclear family arrives. Truly bizarre. There is no discernible father in the group save for a 350 pound THING that looks too young to be a father of the 6 or 7 young boys he accompanies along with a rather lean young woman (are they chaperones, host organisms, captors?) who MAY be the mother and if she is, her lower anatomy must look like the beach at Normandy. There are 6 or 7 kids that all look alike aged 7 – 14 who have one thing in common: HEFT. They aren’t fat per se, but are very solid. Chunky. All with short hair and looks on their faces that read “what is happening to my flesh?”. The whole unit is like 10 people deep and they all have lots of food. They also apparently need constant food and/or bathroom visits because every one of them stormed up and down the aisle at least twice during the film. What made this insanely massive group so damned intriguing was how they moved. Apparently the theater I was in wasn’t the most elegantly constructed, for just about everyone who walked down the aisle created a tremor. Even the petite ones. It wasn’t a structurally sound architectural achievement. That said, when these people went down the aisle it was like the puddle sequence in Jurassic Park. The world trembled. These kids would bounce down the steps and I’d feel my inner ear contemplate suicide. It was disastrous. It made me wonder what home life must be like for these folks. Imagine the wear and tear on the toilet! These are hardcore eaters who probably line up at the bathroom door like it was the TeaCup Ride at Disney World. I had a vision that the father won the lottery and just spent it all on food and housing for all his fuckchildren. It was astounding and worthy of a reality series. Lifetime Original, Jabba’s Palace.

The best was when one of the kids went down the aisle and totally wiped out. I mean, he fell hard and far. He went head over heels at least twice and it made an unholy sound. Like when wildebeasts mate in a wind tunnel. The little fucking kid got up and proceeded to get his second food heap. A few minutes later he comes around the corner with a big tub of popcorn holding his shoulder like a wounded bird. Gross, hilarious, and sad. he probably really hurt himself, but not enough to interfere with the intake and Marvel Studio’s lame prequel. When Blob appeared onscreen, the woman got nervous, did a head count of her crew, and then was able to go back to watching the film.

Logn and short of it, movie theaters are innocent and the prices make sense in the world we live in. Like many things, it’s PEOPLE that fuck it all up.


jmub asks:

1. Roger Ebert’s “Equilibrium” Review – what was going through your
mind when you first read it? And what do you think of Roger Ebert as a
film critic?




2. You and Jodie Foster in a locked room for a hour, with a bottle of lube. Who emerges victorious?




3. Being relatively new to the sites forum’s and missing certain site
writers that left, I’ve always wanted to know: What’s the story behind
people like Dan Whitehead and Dave davis leaving the site?




4. Please provide an indepth examination of your hatred for the Narnia films. Please.




5. You vs Devin in a nasty, no rules, bare knuckled brawl. Who wins? Fishing hooks allowed.




6. I’m a fan of the first two MEG novels. Didn’t like the third one. Out of the three, which one is your favourite?


Nick Answers:



1. At first I was honored to be mentioned (the review), but I think he got some of the facts wrong. It looks amended now, actually. I like Ebert, have quite a few of his books. I don’t think he’s a deity or any other film critic for that matter. I feel that half of the value of film criticism is to provide additional material as part of the periphery of the life of a movie. Sometimes different interpretations help us understand what we saw, what it means, or oftentimes how some ‘scholars’ miss the point. Ebert’s legacy is cemented, though I don’t find him a must read like I once did. By the way, though my relationship with Equilibrium caught me as much grief as fun, it was I who wrote a piece saying that Christian Bale needs to be Batman shortly after seeing it. WAY before he was considered. I am proud of that.

2. The Pinball Machine neither of us saw coming.

3. A lot of those details are sorta hazy (whether by choice or time’s wrath). I know there was something involving Creature Corner and my reluctance to simply give it away that chafed a few guys the wrong way, and I think Dan was one of them. On top of that, he had a lot on his plate and was a very good magazine editor in the UK who had tons of responsibilities. I almost (with Troy Nixey) collaborated with Dan on his Edgar Allen Poe book. We’re still friends and I love Dan to death. There is a period of time in this site’s history that was very… GRAY. There was a lot to juggle, and feelings got hurt. I think I became an easy target for many though to his credit I don’t think Dan every took a an antagonistic stance towards me. Others most certainly did. If I could change some of that I would. I think time has revealed to many that it’s not an easy business and because it’s not often a place where people interact normally a lot is lost in translation. With Dave it was partially about business and partially about respect. I think I overestimated Dave’s resources in his day job (he seemed to be quite well off) and when I was able to start paying folks like Devin and Smilin’ Jack I think it he felt it was unfair. And it was. But we never really spoke about it and I didn’t know how badly he could have used the extra income until he was already lost. I tried my damndest to make it up to him. When we finally left it I thought we were cool, but he hasn’t responded to a call, email, or voicemail in years. So, I guess I’m the asshole. That said, anyone who just ignores attempts at communication is to a certain degree just as guilty. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. This site without Dave is just nowhere near as fun a place to be. In my defense, I’ve gone beyond out of my way to make this place more than just a place people could casually be a part of. At great expense and stress to myself. Unfortunately, some of the people it should have benefited the most pissed off too damn soon.

4. C.S. Lewis is dumb,

5. Scroll up a long ways and subtract Harry Knowles.

6. I’m not a big fan of Primal Waters either. Before Hell’s Aquarium (read more here), my favorite was The Trench. The fourth book is the best now. There’s a fifth coming, but I personally hope Steve does a few different projects before than one comes to life.


Hammerhead asks:

Whenever I let my beard grow out, people think I look angry. Does this
happen to you, and do you consider it a strength or a disadvantage?


Nick Answers:



I’m different. My beard tries to hide my anger face and fails. We’re symbiotes, it and I. Sadly, I recently discovered that IT is the host organism and I’m simply a passenger.


Alanthar asks:

How has it been, going from being the ‘Face’ of this site, to being the
behind-the-scenes guy and having Devin kinda step up to that role?


Nick Answers:



The problem is that there shouldn’t be a face to the site. That said, this site is and will always be my baby, so I look as Devin as a substitute teacher that ended up inspiring many all-Dangerous Minds like and becoming tenured. I’m here though and will continue to be. I want less of a focus on any one person and more on the whole. Unless that doesn’t work and then I’ll put my face everywhere and mistakenly think that people give a shit.


Trejo asks:

We survived every film integrating bullet-time, past the brunt of the J-horror remake trend (or do all those Pulse
dtv sequels count?), I’m praying to the Old Gods that the “____ Movie”
series is now on its last breath, and while the 80’s horror franchise
reboot phase is meagerly plodding along.. what horrible fad awaits
cinema next? Well, besides 3D.




Why did I wait this long to watch
ONCE?



And lastly, the cast of
The Expendables find themselves trapped in a large, wet paper bag. Which of these cast members manage to act their way out of the thing:



Jason Statham


Arnold Schwarzenegger


Brittany Murphy


Jet Li


Dolph Lundgren


Danny Trejo


Charisma Carpenter


Eric Roberts


Terry Crews


‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin


Randy Couture


Nick Answers:



The next fad will be the complete overtaking of cinemaplexes by teen-themed movies. Zac Efron and Hannah Montanta are going to be arbiters of worldwide terrorism of which the likes of we’ve never known.

You saw it, that’s all that matters.

I believe there is a strict fine for acting in that film. I hope none of them fall prey to thespian impulses. Nothing needs to get in the way of Stallone’s veiny command. By the way, Stallone’s Veiny Command would be a great punk band. You know if punk bands could be great and not just gimmicks.


Bobby Bear asks:

Do you wish, or have you ever wished, to impose a moratorium on a saying or expression?



Who had more fun in
Face/Off: Travolta or Cage? Furthermore, is Pollux Troy the most irreverent name ever?



Steve gets his Prohibition movie picked up by a major studio. A
Mann-level budget awaits the director; you’re the number one choice. Do
you accept the call? If so, do you still insist on your 2 dialogue
cuts? Would you adhere closely to Mr. Murphy’s outline for excessive
carnage or strive for a more conventional narrative structure?


Nick Answers:



Get ‘er Done. You Go Girl. That’s what she said. Anything with ‘Jeebus’ in it. Anything from the net. Anything overtly religious. Anything intentionally racist. Anything negative about me or my penis.

Travolta had more fun. I miss that side of Johnny T. The most irreverent name ever is Coxxyx McCoxxyx-Witherbottomtop.

I will accept the call and use my clout to obliterate Steve’s dream project and make a legit, DIALOGUE-RIDDEN prohibition classic. In fact, the only two lines of dialogue I WON’T use are “Prohibition begins!” and “Prohibition rescinded!”.


Jack Dnim asks:

What’s your favorite family film?



If you could unmake one Nicholas Cage vehicle, which would it be?




What’s worse, death by fire, or death by cold?




What’s your favorite DTV sequel to a theatrical film?


Nick Answers:



The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. Or Watership Down.

His Vespa.

Fire. Cold puts you in stasis. It’s like everlasting life, except you’re dead and it’s horrible.

Is there such a thing?


KidNtheHelmet asks:

If you owned a Race Horse what would it’s name be and why?

Nick Answers:



I don’t like horse racing, because there’s always one horse a year that has to be put down and it infuriates me. That said, I’d like to have a name that forced the announcers to say bad things. Offhand, I’d like a stable of thoroughbreds:

1. Goddamn.
2. Slavery Rocks!
3. My Daughter’s G-Spot.
4. Ace Frehley’s Waking Life.
5. Lil’ Goddamn.
6. The Pro-Life Robot.
7. Jennifer Connelly’s Old Tits.
8. Mr. AIDS.

and in honor of Henry Rollins….

9. The First Four Black Sabbath Albums
.

Now imagine the guy on TV shouting shit like this:

“They’re neck in neck… and I believe… Slavery Rocks!”

“And The Bishop of Battle makes the move on My Daughter’s G-Spot!”

And it’s The Pro-Life Robot by a nose!”


.



The Lucas asks:

1. Have you soured on any of your top 15 of 2008?

2. We all know that T2 came out on your birthday, but is it your favorite Terminator movie?


3. What movies are you most excited for this year?


Nick Answers:


1. Here they are for reference. Nope, though I put The Wrestler and Appaloosa too high and Iron Man and In Bruges too low.

2. So far…

3. Public Enemies is number one (bad joke). Aside from that I’m looking forward The Hurt Locker, Funny People, District 9, Shanghai, The Informant, Shutter Island, Where the Wild Things Are, and The Lovely Bones the most.




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