STEADY LEAK: YOUR QUESTIONS FOR NICK NUNZIATA #5

Actually, looking through my iTunes library, here’s the shows I watch, aside from Major League Baseball, which I have on my television whenever I turn it on:

Breaking Bad, Burn Notice, Cities of the Underworld, Damages, Dexter, Entourage, Extreme Engineering, Fringe, The Henry Rollins Show, Lost, MonsterQuest, Psych, Rescue Me, Shark Week, The Shield, Sons of Anarchy, The Sporanos, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Top Gear, The Wire, 24, 30 Rock.

2.) These kind of questions always made someone look bad, but I’ll give it a shot. I think I’m the most active, so in a larger arena I should have the advantage. I’m pretty strong and fast and have had enough scraps to be able to hold my own. That said, I think Devin’s more capable of closing the deal than I because he’s a little more ‘street’, so where I might be one to go easy he’d probably be best suited to deliver the coup de grace. Harry would be rough in close-quarters and you’d have to avoid his reach because it’d be nighty-night if he got his arms around you. To compare us to Marvel characters past and present. I’m Batroc, Devin’s The Falcon, and Harry’s M.O.D.O.K.

So, I’m going to say Uwe Boll would win. In a moviemaking contest, we would win but apparently Uwe Boll’s had some boxing lessons so in a twist Harry, Devin, and I must form as one odd-looking, cheesy-smelling Devastator istead of war against each other.

3.) Whoa, Uwe Boll! I didn’t even read ahead! Ed Wood would say this to Uwe:

“Brrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnsssssssssssss!”

And then he’d eat the Lauren Hutton toothed auteur because Ed Wood is fuckin’ dead.

The sweet confines of Gwen Stefani’s vagina also beat Bush. Poor pussywhipped Gavin Rossdale…

2. Either our scatterbrained “police the world at all costs” dictum or Cloverfield (yes, I insist that the monster be called that).

3. Kraven.

2. Peggle has been a passion since it first became available for the iPod. I still check the Apps store every few days for it, since it was announced last fall.

2: I have a take on it and it’s fucking great. I like the movie, but it’s a failure in the grand scheme due to limited resources and less vision than it could have had to make it a truly unforgettable movie. Even in its current form it’s pretty fucking chilling. Nobody in mainstream horror was able to capture DREAD like Carpenter. But the movie is an unpolished diamond. If I could get my paws on the property I would slam dunk it so hard  Ike Turner’s corpse would get jealousy pangs.

3. Disney Nature’s Earth. Though it repurposes some stuff from Planet Earth, the scene where the polar bear gives up, lays down, and just dies really, REALLY does a number on me. With James Earl Jones narrating it? FUCK.

Me: Real pairing would be Kevin Matchstick because we have such a great rapport and track record of amusing ourselves, everyone else be damned. A pairing to piss me off could easily be one of hundreds of Troll-types but they don’t deserve the attention. I’ll go with Bob Clark, because we agree very rarely, and he seems to truly have some vendetta against me to the point where he poo-poos on everything I do here even though it’s of no harm and cost to him. It’d be interesting at least.

Devin: It’d be too easy to go with one of his “Mini-Dev” types but I like the balance of knowledge and with he and Beaks/Jeremy Smith had and think they could do quite a bit of damage as a tandem and there’d be a nice balance of insider info and obscure miscellany to justify the endeavor. A pairing to piss him off? Diva/Sabrica. They have a history, they can’t not clash, and nothing lights up Nielsen boxes like the conflicts between loud, opinionated men and women.

Russ: I think he would have a good bit of rapport with someone like Spike Marshall. They both are encyclopedias of obscure stuff and they like to show it off. Would be a good source of info of ‘off the beaten path’ stuff. To piss him off, I have no idea. Someone who picks apart every little detail of what he does.

Alex: I really don’t know. The horror guys on the message boards I don’t know too much about and Alex has done a good job of not stirring too much shit.

2. Dazed and Confused. God, he’s made some films I loathe too.

3. Crouching Hulk.

4. Time Bandits.

2) I wouldn’t! Though I like the Savage Land, I don’t like scantily dressed men running around stinking up the place with their dirty bare feet and silly blonde hair.

3) Jason. Because don’t need anything to get motivated other than his hate. Result: Hate is better than electricity.

4) Other than Devin?

5) They should have an A-Capella group made up of Louis Armstrong, Michelle Branch, Adam Duritz, Geddy Lee, Kate Pierson, and every Emo band frontman. Then all the voices that annoy me can be in one place at one time. Ideally a place on a faultline during the tremor season. And yes, I know Armstrong is dead already and that he’s a legend. His voice is still Muppet and must be forever silenced .

2) She’s a lovely retard. She’s the best kind of best retard friend a retard friend could want. She’s up for anything, loves board games, cigars, movies, and is a great collaborator and she’s not bad to look at. What’s not to like? I’d say she’s the best retard friend ever. A blurry picture of her in mid-Monopoly action:

3) Since I did Prince of Darkness already I’ll do… Van Helsing the right way, Mr. Frost on a larger scale, and Godzilla MY WAY. I’d drop everything to do a Godzilla movie. As for the flaws, Van Helsing was rife with them from casting to concept to execution. Mr. Frost is a really good film that no one has seen but there’s a lot of great possibility in the concept. And Godzilla… well, the wrong people made that fucking movie.

I have confidence that Guillermo’s Lovecraft movie will eventually get made. That’d be huge. I’m actually quite hopeful that Halo will happen and though it’s not the most original story I want to see it realized onscreen. I think someone will make another giant monster movie than makes an impact. I don’t have massive dreams and the best movies will always be the ones that sneak up on us, but I would like to see some visionary creatures show up sooner rather than later.

Aside from sequels, Tyler Perry movies,  and adaptations of horrible books and comics? Aside from teen vehicles, remakes, and musicals that forget what makes musicals great? Other than bad CGI cartoons from major studios? Hmmmmm, I have no idea.

As an aside that new Night at the Museum trailer hurt my free will hole.

I booed the fuck out of Koncak, which is funny since I see the guy at the grocery store from time to time and he seems like a generally good chap.

Goodfellas.

Hate. Best is Diner. Worst is still to come I believe. I think the guy is going to parlay his newfound clout into bad places.

I’ll say the 2000 team, because they got to destroy the Mets. Paul O’Neill is my favorite player by a long stretch.

Nope. Catholic school was a boring, church-infused blur of everything I don’t need. Probably the worst year of my schoolgoing life.

I’m always enthusiastic for site CONTENT. I’m always enthusiastic about stuff that involves the readers or allows folks to be entertained or informed. The day-to-day stuff is difficult. I don’t like the business aspect, trying to make sure the staff is on point or using their time well, and all that jazz. It wears on me. I’m not a very good manager. I’m an idea guy. So, there’s always a glass is half great vibe to my day but still it’s a challenge. My goal within the next year is to dramatically improve the way the site is run and the behind the scenes aspect of it as well. Once a few things click into place…

I’ve done set visits and they’re fine. I don’t much care who does them. My main thing is that they are time consuming and sometimes don’t lead to massively great content. A lot of times it’s more about name-dropping “I was on the set of __________” and that has no value whatsoever. All things being equal, Devin’s the best at it. Aside from Smilin’ Jack of course.

(2) I would be overjoyed if Michael Bay were to direct the shark flick. So would my bank account. Are you kidding me? It’d be the most memorable shoot ever, the movie would look great and be as fun as a shark movie could ever be. Plus, I could sneak in my dreams scenes of the shark having missile tubes in its abdomen, shooting napalm from its gill slits, and flying through the air and tunneling through the Earth to the core where it teams up with dinosaurs. Michaey Bay’s Meg would be legendary.

(3) I have and it is very overrated. The Varsity sucks.

(4) Aside from the blinking headlights, it’s amazing stuff. Some of the best I’ve seen.

(5) Luck and good timing. It was a meaty, well marketed film that came out against NOTHING. That time of year is often untapped and since the whole country was fed up with nonstop political nonsense I think a film where a regular parent (sorta) takes matters into his own hands outside the law had a certain appeal. It’s nice to see, though the success of that film cannot be replicated artificially. Best case scenario: it reminds people how great Liam Neeson is and gets Spielberg’s Lincoln movie made. Because, you know… Spielberg has no clout to make the movie with whomever he wants…

(6) Like it matters. The big question is who the 2nd unit director is. I like when REAL directors do action movies, because it ensures that the stuff between the scenes has a better chance of being good. Like Phil Alden Robinson did with The Sum of All Fears. I don’t like stunt casting, whether it be actors or behind the scenes crews… so I’ll forgo the stupid “Tarantino needs to do it” fanboy shit and go with someone who can hold the fort between the overdone action scenes. How’s about Kevin MacDonald?

(7) Nope, but he needs Ritalin.

2. $10.

3. I hate the people! I don’t mean that in a way meant to sound cruel, but the majority of the human race sucks and it seems that the choice members end up in theaters with me. Let me use last night as an example:

Foolishly I decided to see the midnight showing of X-Men Origins: Wolverine last night. I like midnight shows because there’s not much else to do, most of the people I know are sleeping or boringly at home with their wives and husbands, and there’s a slightly heightened sense of value to the showing. So I went. It wasn’t jam-packed as I suspected it would be, partially because it was on four screens. Fast and Furious was on one for the midnight showing and it was a madhouse. Dave (Wagner) and I get our seats. The commercials go on forever, including a five-minute long one for a horrendous looking new show on Cartoon Network. Then a couple sits next to me and the guy instantly think she has dominion on my armrest. He doesn’t. I win. Then this bizarre nuclear family arrives. Truly bizarre. There is no discernible father in the group save for a 350 pound THING that looks too young to be a father of the 6 or 7 young boys he accompanies along with a rather lean young woman (are they chaperones, host organisms, captors?) who MAY be the mother and if she is, her lower anatomy must look like the beach at Normandy. There are 6 or 7 kids that all look alike aged 7 – 14 who have one thing in common: HEFT. They aren’t fat per se, but are very solid. Chunky. All with short hair and looks on their faces that read “what is happening to my flesh?”. The whole unit is like 10 people deep and they all have lots of food. They also apparently need constant food and/or bathroom visits because every one of them stormed up and down the aisle at least twice during the film. What made this insanely massive group so damned intriguing was how they moved. Apparently the theater I was in wasn’t the most elegantly constructed, for just about everyone who walked down the aisle created a tremor. Even the petite ones. It wasn’t a structurally sound architectural achievement. That said, when these people went down the aisle it was like the puddle sequence in Jurassic Park. The world trembled. These kids would bounce down the steps and I’d feel my inner ear contemplate suicide. It was disastrous. It made me wonder what home life must be like for these folks. Imagine the wear and tear on the toilet! These are hardcore eaters who probably line up at the bathroom door like it was the TeaCup Ride at Disney World. I had a vision that the father won the lottery and just spent it all on food and housing for all his fuckchildren. It was astounding and worthy of a reality series. Lifetime Original, Jabba’s Palace.

The best was when one of the kids went down the aisle and totally wiped out. I mean, he fell hard and far. He went head over heels at least twice and it made an unholy sound. Like when wildebeasts mate in a wind tunnel. The little fucking kid got up and proceeded to get his second food heap. A few minutes later he comes around the corner with a big tub of popcorn holding his shoulder like a wounded bird. Gross, hilarious, and sad. he probably really hurt himself, but not enough to interfere with the intake and Marvel Studio’s lame prequel. When Blob appeared onscreen, the woman got nervous, did a head count of her crew, and then was able to go back to watching the film.

Logn and short of it, movie theaters are innocent and the prices make sense in the world we live in. Like many things, it’s PEOPLE that fuck it all up.

2. The Pinball Machine neither of us saw coming.

3. A lot of those details are sorta hazy (whether by choice or time’s wrath). I know there was something involving Creature Corner and my reluctance to simply give it away that chafed a few guys the wrong way, and I think Dan was one of them. On top of that, he had a lot on his plate and was a very good magazine editor in the UK who had tons of responsibilities. I almost (with Troy Nixey) collaborated with Dan on his Edgar Allen Poe book. We’re still friends and I love Dan to death. There is a period of time in this site’s history that was very… GRAY. There was a lot to juggle, and feelings got hurt. I think I became an easy target for many though to his credit I don’t think Dan every took a an antagonistic stance towards me. Others most certainly did. If I could change some of that I would. I think time has revealed to many that it’s not an easy business and because it’s not often a place where people interact normally a lot is lost in translation. With Dave it was partially about business and partially about respect. I think I overestimated Dave’s resources in his day job (he seemed to be quite well off) and when I was able to start paying folks like Devin and Smilin’ Jack I think it he felt it was unfair. And it was. But we never really spoke about it and I didn’t know how badly he could have used the extra income until he was already lost. I tried my damndest to make it up to him. When we finally left it I thought we were cool, but he hasn’t responded to a call, email, or voicemail in years. So, I guess I’m the asshole. That said, anyone who just ignores attempts at communication is to a certain degree just as guilty. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. This site without Dave is just nowhere near as fun a place to be. In my defense, I’ve gone beyond out of my way to make this place more than just a place people could casually be a part of. At great expense and stress to myself. Unfortunately, some of the people it should have benefited the most pissed off too damn soon.

4. C.S. Lewis is dumb,

5. Scroll up a long ways and subtract Harry Knowles.

6. I’m not a big fan of Primal Waters either. Before Hell’s Aquarium (read more here), my favorite was The Trench. The fourth book is the best now. There’s a fifth coming, but I personally hope Steve does a few different projects before than one comes to life.

You saw it, that’s all that matters.

I believe there is a strict fine for acting in that film. I hope none of them fall prey to thespian impulses. Nothing needs to get in the way of Stallone’s veiny command. By the way, Stallone’s Veiny Command would be a great punk band. You know if punk bands could be great and not just gimmicks.

Travolta had more fun. I miss that side of Johnny T. The most irreverent name ever is Coxxyx McCoxxyx-Witherbottomtop.

I will accept the call and use my clout to obliterate Steve’s dream project and make a legit, DIALOGUE-RIDDEN prohibition classic. In fact, the only two lines of dialogue I WON’T use are “Prohibition begins!” and “Prohibition rescinded!”.

His Vespa.

Fire. Cold puts you in stasis. It’s like everlasting life, except you’re dead and it’s horrible.

Is there such a thing?

1. Goddamn.
2. Slavery Rocks!
3. My Daughter’s G-Spot.
4. Ace Frehley’s Waking Life.
5. Lil’ Goddamn.
6. The Pro-Life Robot.
7. Jennifer Connelly’s Old Tits.
8. Mr. AIDS.

and in honor of Henry Rollins….

9. The First Four Black Sabbath Albums.

Now imagine the guy on TV shouting shit like this:

.

2. So far…

3. Public Enemies is number one (bad joke). Aside from that I’m looking forward The Hurt Locker, Funny People, District 9, Shanghai, The Informant, Shutter Island, Where the Wild Things Are, and The Lovely Bones the most.