I used to answer each and every odd and fun question posed on the
message boards in the old days in these “Your Questions For” threads,
and the results were often a lot of fun. Basically folks could ask me
anything they want and I’d answer it honestly, jokingly, or with tons
of snark. Either way it was fun and it helped to illustrate the
personality of the site, the readers and their opinions, and answer
questions for new readers who don’t know what makes the site tick, who
I am, and why the fuck I am only five foot seven. So, I’ve resurrected
it! It’d be great to run one of these a week, but that’s up to you! use
the links at the bottom of the article to contribute.

Phil asks:

Why didn’t we hear a peep from you on Watchmen? Assume that not everyone listens to the podcast, and your silence stuck out.



Nick Answers:

I wasn’t silent on the podcast. I loved it. More than I thought I would. I was of the belief that the Paul Greengrass version was to be the best thing possible, but over time I warmed to the Zack Snyder incarnation. The resulting film is both really good (though at times it does just feel like a “cover” of the original) and a testament to devotion and the good guys winning. I wish it had made more money, if nothing else, than to justify the next leap of faith project, but creatively I find it wholly rewarding and think it’ll get better over time. I was a little stunned when I first saw it, but I went and saw it by myself a few days later and felt very content and excited about it. I really dig it. It’s Snyder’s best film. Here’s hoping it does gangbusters in ancillary markets so as to make the second weekend numbers less damning and annoying as an argument point.


James Kimbell asks:

Why don’t otherwise fantastic men like Phil listen to the podcast?

Nick Answers:


There’s no reason anyone shouldn’t listen to our podcast.


Trejo asks:

A little bird called.. Facebook informs us you are selling your DVD
collection. What’s the first movie you figure you’ll purchase later to
begin rebuilding? Dvd or Bluray?


Nick Answers:



Actually, I don’t plan on rebuilding. Though my motivation initially was financial, I’ve long cooled off my buying tendencies. New Release Tuesday holds little allure and Magazine Friday are all curiosities I rarely take advantage of when in the past they were a part of my regimen. I no longer want to be a collector, as all of the trinkets and toys and minutia from the worlds of film, comics, and the like just take up space and we’re long past the days where being a collector actually meant having stuff of value. Twenty-five years of comic collecting has done good work for my palate but very little for my wallet, and one of my short-term dreams is to unload the whole lot of them. I plan on spending the next few years in a nomadic state. All of my shit takes up way too much space and if we were to move it’d be the worst nuisance of all time. If I died unexpectedly, I’d be a hated one for my loved ones, all the shit I’ve accumulated. My DVD collection is going to lose value each and every day thanks to the way overrated Blu-Ray format and the digital download medias becoming in vogue. So I’m dumping the majority of it, eventually planning to pare it down strictly to the bare essentials and nothing else. There are people much better than me who can foster and grow their collections and take pride in it but I entertain so rarely the conversation piece value of it is meaningless. So basically, I need the dough and am streamlining my life. A lot.


Chris Miller asks:

When did you first get interested in making music with a band? Is it
still a fun hobby for you, or do you have designs on someday doing it
full time if possible?


Nick Answers:



I’ve always wanted to make my own music, recording little tunes on a cassette player as far back as the late 70’s. I didn’t pursue music with other folks until the early 90’s and we did a lot of stuff wrong, like aligning ourselves with people just because they wanted to play music. Not because they were trustworthy, free of addictions, or even fun to be with. We also got taken advantage of, stolen from, and tried to sound like other acts which are all really horrible things to be a part of. It’s a very fun hobby because it’s a great creative outlet, I play with great collaborative people, and we don’t have an agenda. As a result, we make music WE want to hear and are very happy with the end result. Is it for everyone? no, but I feel the shit that most people listen to sucks so at least I have something I can pop in and smile about after being in public and having to endure The All-American Rejects or some other copycat act of a bad original. As for doing it full-time, no way. First of all, we’re not skilled enough to turn it into a career. Secondly, the business is even worse than the film business. Thirdly, there are too many other objectives to conquer that are more important. I love doing the music and having it be a release, not a bind.


Tati asks:

Do you LOVE the site and running it or has it become more of a business and way of living for you?

Would you sell it off to go do other stuff?


Nick Answers:



I hate the business of it and wish there was an entity that could buy it and allow me to run it sans any business obligations. My life would be a sweet joy. If I sold it, the only goal would be so that there was nothing keeping me from focusing on the content and content alone. Not writing checks, taxes, making compromises with the staff, and the general soul-crushing (in my case) horror of the business world. I suck. I want other people to handle that shit so I can write about monsters. We’ve come close, and thus far nothing has come of it. I am always doing other stuff. I have a lot of ventures I’m involved in, many of which have nothing to do with movies, but I’ll never leave the site. Ever. As long as I’m alive I’ll be the “CHUD Guy” unless I’m forcibly removed (which ain’t happening).

If there’s some super-rich person out there who loves the site and wants to preserve it if not improve it, look me up.

I do love the site, though and the only reason I don’t love it as much as I used to is because sometimes it doesn’t feel like the fun place it used to be. I think the lists, and original content needs to be amped up and it will be. This redesign will eventually work and when it’s done I’m going to evaluate every aspect of the site and see what needs to change and what needs to be added. I do love it though. I get burned out and it doesn’t feel like “my” site anymore, but I’m not going anywhere.


Stelios asks:

Bald men: Facial hair or no? If yes, then what kind?



Chicken or fish?




What other movie sites do you think are good? And what non-movie related sites do you regularly visit?


Nick Answers:



I don’t have a problem except with guys who have the hair go up and have the sideburns end at bald. They look incomplete. It’s like their hair got abducted. If you’re bald, lose the sideburns. As for facial hair, it’s a case-by-case. Some people look idiotic with facial hair and some don’t. Some people let it get all rancid and look like an ass. Rule of thumb: Having facial hair does not exclude you from having proper hygiene.

Both. Why settle?

Frankly, I only read sites to find news these days. I don’t have much loyalty to anyone aside from friends who are good (Beaks, Sauriol, and Rotten come to mind). I think a lot of movie bloggers and stuff either are trying too hard, have the wrong approach, or  don’t bring anything new to the table so I steer clear.

Most of my non-work related web activity involves baseball, video games, and the keeping up with Facebook and whatnot.

Oh yeah, I’m also addicted to some of the games on Pogo.com.


Hunter Tarantino asks:

Any chance we might see a second round of Essentials or Guilty Pleasures?



Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Wild Hogs, Night at the Museum. Which is worst?



Is Bennett from
Commando the gayest action movie villain of all time?



Which is the more retarded name for a celebrity offspring: Zuma or Bronx?




What is the official drink of Nick Nunziata?


Nick Answers:



I don’t think we’ll revisit any of those but there are plenty more lists coming.

A dingo should eat them all. I also haven’t seen any of them, so superficially I’m going to go with Night at the Museum because it represents in my mind a substitution of slapstick for imagination and a “kitchen sink” approach of the worst kind.

No, that distinction goes to Assfuck Donaldson of Homo-Cide II: The Loosening.

Anything intentionally named after a character from a sci-fi movie. Unless it’s Zardoz, which is the BEST name ever.

Woodford Reserve.


Bobby Bear asks:

Nick,




My favourite part of round 2 concerned your softball movie project.
Rather than attempt to press for superficial specifics (something I can
appreciate a writer doesn’t always want to do during development), I’d
like to know:




1.) Did you “plug in” a certain name actor or two during the writing process?


2.) If yes, which, why?


3.) If it’s solely your call, would you consider open casting for some
of the supporting players? I know an award-winning amateur actor who’d
be perfect for the role of Jimmy, the plucky young Irish right fielder.
He’s somewhat athletic and low-maintenance.




All the best,


Bobby


Nick Answers:



1.) I didn’t because at the time I wanted the thing to feature people we knew, whom we also knew could nail it.
2.) N/A
3.) I now want to cast EVERY role fresh. Loyalty is overrated in the case of 11 Colonels ATTACK!.


The Lucas asks:

How are you selling your dvds?

Nick Answers:



Secondspin.com. I’m not getting much value but I can do it in massive chunks and not have to manage my inventory or deal with individuals, though I am having a garage sale in the coming weeks to get rid of a lot of the stuff I couldn’t online as well as perish the rest of my stuff that’s great but taking up space.


Gravedigger asks:

Is your beagle an asshole? I can think of no other reason why you wouldn’t relax with him.

Nick Answers:



It’s a combination of him being an asshole and me being an asshole. He deserately wants to be a good companion but he’s always been “the other dog” to me. Gretchen our Doberman was the best friend and pet a person could want and Bernie was sort of her chew toy, the dog to keep her entertained while we were away. When she died, there was a week or so where Bernie took on a greater significance and was a really ideal pet. It wore off, and he’s always has this opportunistic streak that infuriates me. I mean I really lose my cool. He’ll wait until we’re distracted or the other pets are distracted and take our food, steal the bone, etc. It makes me want to kick him off the deck and let the vultures have him. When we got Penny, our Rhodesian, he became her chew toy. And my daughter’s practice dummy for whatever enters her little creep mind. He’s a good dog, I give him too much shit. He responds to orders and does like to cuddle. I am biased towards big dogs. I can’t stand most little dogs and have no interest in those poofy groomed dogs. Bernie is a victim of circumstance. When he dies I am promised a Doberman and the fact I have guns and knives and rats and a kid and HE’S STILL ALIVE means I don’t hate him THAT MUCH.


El Santo asks:

Nick,



You mentioned before that you hate the megachurch near your home when
every sunday they clog the roads with the help of the police.




How did you cope with it this easter sunday?


Nick Answers:



I kept busy indoors.

We have have at least THREE megachurches near me. Perimeter, Mt. Pisgah, and one other one. They all suck ass.


The Lucas asks:

Why do you hate Todd Solanz, Nick?

Nick Answers:



Solondz, because he tries too hard to be controversial or button pushy. I like some of his stuff, though. Plus, the “red box” scene in Storytelling is one I try to emulate in my daily life.


Schwartz asks:

You’ve made reference to be a recuperating Stephen King fan. As such,
what are 1) your favorite King book, 2) favorite King movie, and 3) the
one that most glaringly highlights his worst tendencies?


Nick Answers:



1) The Stand. The long version.

2) The Shawshank Redemption.

3) Desperation/The Regulators represents the “been there, done that” mindset more than just about anything. The TV series was no fun at all, in fact I had to turn it off really early along. And I’ve watched fucking Rose Red! That said, I don’t even really read his new stuff anymore, because as much as I want to keep the torch lit it gets harder and harder.


Tati asks:

Whenever you hear awesome news like Ryan Rotten’s movie deal, and
several film webmasters getting deals… Do you get Happy for one of
you guys getting the shot? Jealous? Both?


Nick Answers:



Case by case. In Ryan’s case, because I love the guy I’m thrilled for him. If it’s someone I don’t like I hope they die in a fire.

I don’t think movie webmasters have really staked a claim in the quality department of the film world yet, and I’m no exception. Good ideas and good talent supercede where it comes from, whether it be a movie web guy or a mechanic. We don’t deserve special treatment though I feel some of us know what people want to see and have a good eye for material. And a track record, which helps.

Case by case.


El Wack asks:

1) I’m not down with my CHUD history, so maybe this has been covered,
but how did you first get involved with internet film journalism? Did
it just start out as a hobby, or did you always have big aspirations
for this place? And how does your work as an aspiring film
producer/writer/whatever factor in? Did you always intend to or want to
break in to the business, or is that something that came about later?




2) CHUD podcast episode 32. Does it exist?


Nick Answers:



1) I’ve always had film-related aspirations and I’ve always written. Also, I’ve always digested as much as I could about the business since a very early age, so it made sense. I went to film school (sorta, read a more detailed account in my response to Renn’s question below) and once I was in the corporate world i started reviewing films in the company newspaper and on email lists. It grew and eventually it made sense to start a site. This was in the mid-late 90’s. My work in the film world will always be my main goal, but I’ll also always work on the site concurrently, and plan to bring my experiences to the readers once we begin working on the next one.

2) Yeah, they’re just numbered dumb
.


Anderson asks:

1) How many people make up The Nation’s Punched?



2) Pioneer vs. Influence: What’s Your Side of the Great Debate?




3) Could the Challenger tragedy be turned into a comedy vehicle for Harland Williams?




4) Fuck you for being so cool as to know Kaare Andrews. That guy is one
of the few unique artists left in mainstream comics. His art has the
kind of fluidity that McFarlane would give all of his ball to obtain.


Nick Answers:



1) Either millions or none. I miss that site, wish I’d stuck with it.

2) I don’t have one, haven’t kept up with the discussion. Not really interested enough to.

3) On one hand, yes! On another, we need no more Harland Williams movies.

4) Where’s the question?


Renn Brown asks:

Tell me more about your film school experience.

Nick Answers:



The Atlanta Film Institute was a scam.

It was created and run as a Mom & Pop enterprise in Chamblee, Georgia in the early 90’s by a guy named (I kid you not) Michael Jordan, though I believe he spelled it differently
. Along with the colorful and knowledgable Bernie O’Dougherty, he created a small “hands-on” film program for a few years that was legit in what it did and how we learned to do the work but was overall an exercise in how NOT to succeed as a learning institution. I spent a year with a handful of other locals (including former CHUD fellow Carl Cunningham, whom I met there) shooting 16mm film, learning the trade, and trying to be great. My student film was a claymation-assisted B&W monster movie called ‘Out of Sink’, the finished 16mm print of which is missing. Our timing sucked, as we missed out on the arrival of really good video filmmaking tools. We edited on flatbeds (poorly), shot on a beat-up Arri and Bolex (glorious), and aside from a guy named Brent Stewart, didn’t really have anything great to offer at the time as filmmakers. But it was fun and I discovered how I wasn’t ready to be an actor in this horrible Sherlock Holmes movie Carl and I were the leads of. It was an excruciating and itneresting time, and the place changed locations one day and soon after disappeared from existence. It was a learning experience, just not in the way I’d planned.


Forsaken No More asks:

1) Does Jackie Chan have it in him to go all in for a crazy stunt filled romp one last time?



2) Who is closest to portray the new Bosco ‘B.A.’ Baracus in the new A-Team?
*Pity the fool…



3) Would the double N have a sit down with Brett Ratner and lively
discuss Rush Hour, the trilogy @ Roscoe’s House of Chicken ‘n’ Waffles
and/or will there be blood?




4) Do you read espionage thriller(s) and which one do you think has
potential to give Bond a run for its money; other than Bourne?


Nick Answers:



1) He sucks and has for a long time. I’d love to never see him again.

2) No one, if there’s a God.

3) I would love to chat with him, but not about those piss poor movies. I think he’s probably a lot of fun and he would be a good source of information. And plenty of crazy stories, one would assume.

4) I don’t read much espionage outside of the Nelson DeMille, Robert Littel, Vince Flynn, and Tom Clancy worlds and don’t see some great franchise waiting to be Bourne. I do personally wish I’d been given the keys to the Lee Child ‘Reacher’ books because I feel I could knock them out of the park, though.


Fat Elvis asks:

1. Favorite Braves team, player (current and all-time), memory?



2. Besides auditioning for
Six Pack, any other childhood acting stories?

Nick Answers:



1. The years blend together and I’m not all that nostalgic. Each year has its highs and lows and I tend to think of the current season with the most wide-eyed and rose-colored eyes. I enjoyed going to the 91 and 92 World Series games and remember being at Chaplin’s doing karaoke at a Halloween party when they finished off the In’juns in 95… but I really just love every moment at the ballpark when the stupid P.A. guy isn’t yapping and there’s not some Bud Lite swilling miscreant next to me and the sun is out, the grass is bathed in sunlight, and bat meets ball in perfect harmony. My favorite players over the years have been Ron Gant (because he’d freeze in time after a swing), Damon Berryhill (because he seemed so blue-collar and just a grunt), John Zmoltz (though I soured on him recently when he closed MY Barnacles and became a diva and left the team), Chipper, and most of all… the hard swingin’ neaderthal of awesomeness, Ryan Klesko.

2. Other than home movies, no. I have stacks upon stacks of home movies. All of which are better than the ones on M. Night Shyamalan’s DVD special features.


Anderson asks:

1) If Scott Baio was appointed to the U.S. Cabinet, what position would be his charge?



2) What city pisses you off? I hate Baltimore.




3) Can you really bake a cake with a file in it? Inquiring minds want to know.


Nick Answers:



1) Vice Has-Been.

2) Anywhere in Alabama. Provo, Utah. Anywhere defined by its religion. Also, the city of Earth.

3) Shit, you could bake a baby into a cake if you wanted to.


Tati asks:

Who’s your favorite CHUD message board member?

Who’s your least favorite?


Nick Answers:



Whomever is loving my comic strip or music on a given day.
Whomever is hating my comic strip or music on a given day.


Anderson asks:

1) A Kraken vs. Red Ronin. Who wins?



2) Bill Cosby vs. The Cosmic Cube. Who wins?




3) Gordon Jump vs. Chris Hansen. Who…dare…wins?


Nick Answers:



1) Red Ronin isn’t real.

2) The Cosmic Cube doesn’t have Lisa Bonet’s phone number.

3) Two losers do not make a winner.


Anderson asks:

What kind of lighting did Allure magazine use on Chelsea Handler to make her look hot?



I mean, seriously. She usually looks Cybill Shepherd’s nutsack.


Nick Answers:



I had to look her up to know who she was. To cleanse myself I then did a Google search of Abortion-flavored popcorn.


Renn Brown asks:

Where do you see CHUD in 5 years? 10 years? 1000 years?

Nick Answers:



In 5 years I’ll still be trying to make you laugh with dumb photographs. In 10 my daughter will be blogging about what a dick I am for leaving the family and running off with Natalie Portman. In 1,000 years the redesign will be almost ready to share.


Anderson asks:

Is there Life after CHUD?

Nick Answers:



If there is, it ain’t a life worth livin’.


Fat Elvis asks:

1. Favorite Saturday Night Live season?



2. Favorite Hip Hop album?




3. Most embarrassing Kiss song?




4. Any favorite cover song your band performs? Is there a particular song you would cover if you could pull it off?




5. Favorite Horror movie of the decade?


Nick Answers:



1. I don’t much care for SNL. Never really have.

2. If you consider them Hip Hop, maybe the Outkast Speakerboxxx/Love Below. I also like Eminem’s stuff quite a bit though it’s not really any one particular LP.


3. How do you choose? Offhand I’d say You Make Me (Rock Hard).

4. Not really into covers, because we don’t play live. That said, we have a few choice ditties we’ve done in the past. Lookin’ Out My Back Door and Ladies Room for instance.

5. Shaun of the Dead.


Forsaken No More asks:

1) Are you gellin’?



2) Don “The Dragon” Wilson: Would you kindly claim him?
*Coz the Asians sure won’t…



3) Whadda’ ya think of David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury. Marvel’s hard-boiled hero brought to
TV.



4)
Yanni: You listen, adore &/or celebrate to his music?

Nick Answers:



1) I will not dignify that. Of all the questions, this is the most offensive.

2) He needs to piss off.

3) I don’t think of David Hasselhoff as anything but a horrible, easy go-to punchline.

4) Nooi.


Jakespeare asks:

Which David Lynch movies do you like? Which David Lynch movies do you hate?



I don’t know your musical preferences but I’ll float this one out
there, just ignore it if you want to: Rank the Big Four Thrash Bands in
order of preference.


Nick Answers:



Love Blue Velvet. Like The Straight Story and Wild at Heart. Appreciate Lost Highway and Elephant Man. Hate Dune. Hate Mulholland Drive. Hate Eraserhead.

2) ‘Thrash’ is a weird subcategory for me, but I love Anthrax, Testament, Metallica, and Mastodon lots if that fits.


Hammerhead asks:

Rondo or Fresca?

Nick Answers:



Fresca.



Jon Waldman (via email) asks:

I must know, which of the four books in the ‘Manitou’ series is your favorite?

Also, what’re the chances of getting CHUD content in book form? Cause I loved when the CHUD crew was the voice of ‘Movie Insider’ and would love to have a book from you guys. I think something like “The CHUD.com giant awesome book of lists” would be a must buy.


Nick Answers:



Revenge of the Manitou! It’s like a ‘greatest hits’ compilation of silly Indian spirits!

If an editor and a designer stepped in to assist, nothing would please me more. I think the whole crew would contribute, past and present, as well as some film personalities. We could sell it on Lulu.com. That said, I don’t have the bandwidth to orchestrate that.

We signed a licensing deal with Stonesong Press half a decade ago but nothing came out of it. Maybe now’s the time.


Ryan Bean (via email) asks:

1. You’ve mentioned that you’re an animal lover… are you a vegetarian?  Why or why not?
 
2. What did you do before CHUD?
 
3. Girth?


Nick Answers:



1. Because fuck just eating vegetables. I’m not a well-rounded or have I thought out the whole thing but I’m not going to ruin my love of eating because of horrible animal cruelty. But I do my best to be great to them on an individual basis and donate the extra dollar at PetSmart purchases (I’m the guy who found a Brown Recluse Spider in his house and caught it and drove it to the woods to release it), and that’s as much of a stance as I can take right now.

2. I had hope and dreams.

3. Not really, but I use it well!


Mason Cole (via email) asks:

1.  You can be any movie character for one day.  Who would you be?  
What would you do?  How would you roll?  Which other movie character would feel your wrath?

2.  You have an interview with Stephenie Meyer.  (Don’t ask me how.)  
What movie do you watch, or what music do you listen to, to put you in the “proper” mood?  “Proper” is up to you.

3.  Which of the three “Harry Potter” stars will have the best post-franchise film career:  Grint, Radcliffe, or Watson?

4.  Carlos Enrique Taboada gets no love, or mention, on your site.  

Have you not heard of him, or do you not like Mexican horror, or what?

5.  Stay with me here.  One room, locked.  No furniture, no exposed pipes, just four concrete walls, a ceiling and floor, and light fixtures too high up to be used as weapons.  One knife in the middle of the floor.  In the corners:  Schwarzenegger from “Commando,” Hauer from “The Hitcher,” Jesse Ventura from anything but “Abraxas,” and Chuck Norris from “Delta Force.”  Who gets to the knife first?  Who wins the no-holds-barred, to-the-death fight that MUST ensue?  What is the winner’s ultimate fate?

6.  Another Mortal Kombat movie:  bad idea, or worst idea ever?


Nick Answers:



1. I tend to not like wanting or trying to be someone other than myself but I’ll play your silly game. Let me kill two birds with one stone. I’d be Costner in Field of Dreams, because having my own ball field and being to hang with Dad one last time would be so worth it.

2. Not Dracula, that’s for sure! I’d probably watch How to Sonically Sterilize a Mormon: The Movie.

3. Watson, provided she manages her chest situation wisely.

4. He’s dead! Actually I don’t know his work, but I think we’ve shown here that we can go gaga over Mexican filmmakers. To a scary degree so. I mean, I’ve been bitten by ants while sleeping at a Mexican filmmaker’s house!

5. Hauer every day of the week. You BELIEVED he would kill you. And not because he worked out a lot or wore denim. I’ll take a functional badass over a pretty one every day of the week.

6. ANY Mortal Kombat movie past or present… is a bad idea

5. .


Ronnie Simpson (via email) asks:

What sound does a horse’s hooves make?

Nick Answers:



None. It’s the impact of the hooves on the ground that makes the sound.


Preston Wright (via email) asks:

You mentioned you have a saltwater aquarium, I was wondering how big it is and what critters(vertebrate and invertebrate) you’ve got in there.

Nick Answers:



I bought a fully furnished smaller Oceanic Biocube from my local Petland. A decent amount of live rock and xenia as well as many turbo snails and tiny hermit crabs. I’ve added a lot more live rock and some leather and mushrooms as well as two anenomes, two pistol shrimp, two emerald crabs (my favorite), two watchmen gobies, a couple of damsels and a small starfish. It’s a great little gang and I’ve had a few losses here and there (scooter blenny, the old clown that came with the tank, and most traumatically, an anenome crab) but for the most part we have it down to a science. In the live rock I have the typical little creepy crawlies, though my old tank had a much more diverse array of beasts and I’d be blown away by some of the creepy Lovecraftian bastards that peeked out from time to time.


Joe and Erica Salhab (via email) asks:

Ever think of changing your name to Nunziata Nick the Dick, and then some?

Nick Answers:



No.




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