Springtime is in the air. The birds are chirping. The flowers are blooming. Pollen is drifting through the wind, taking hold and situating itself to help bring about new and exciting leafy living things to make our lives enriched. As a result, welcome to our latest CHUD List, a look at the 20 best plants in film history. A few things to consider:

Anne Ramsey was not officially a plant, so she is excused from this list. The same goes for Maude Adams, Jack Elam, and that thing on Aaron Neville.

Also, fuck The Happening. And here we go!


8. Killer Tomatoes

Exterior: Red, round, hateful demeanor.

Interior: An excellent source of Lycopene!

The Films: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978), Return of the Killer Tomatoes (1988), Killer Tomatoes Strike Back! (1990) and Killer Tomatoes Eat France! (1991)
 

Leafy Truths: A fruit (from a plant!) that suddenly turns on mankind and starts eliminating them en masse.

Root of Evil: Why tomatoes? Why not? As the movie itself points out, The Birds didn’t need a backstory to be a clever warning of inevitable events to come, so why should this equally well-made film? These tomatoes were born bad.
 
Gardening Tips: They don’t require much upkeep at all. They bounce around pretty well, so don’t worry about treating them gently either. But make sure to wear face and eye protection while handling them because these suckers can jump If you run into a tomato that’s been transformed into Karen Mistal make sure to give her plenty of sex.

Its Place in Plantdom: There are many varieties of killer tomato; the flying, helicopter-killing kind, the sexy model kind, fuzzy ones, beefy guard ones… even tomatoes with faces. All of them hate people for no discernable reason. All of them should be destroyed. 


KETCHUP, BITCH!

 
Happy Ending: The tomatoes are eventually undone by the sweet sound of music. After figuring out that a hit song on the radio (“Puberty Love”) causes the killer tomatoes to shrink to normal size, the townsfolk round them all up into a stadium. They then play the horrible, horrible song over the loudspeakers and then proceed to stomp the tomatoes into paste after they shrink.

Course, this just led to tomatoes being outlawed and only coming back thanks to Gomez Addams in Return of the Killer Tomatoes, two more sequels, a cartoon, video games, comic books, and as the condiment of choice in the USA. Fuck mustard!

- Alex Riviello
 
 

7. Audrey II



Exterior: A massive venus flytrap.

Interior: Half-digested loved ones.

The Film: Little Shop of Horrors(1986)


Leafy Truths: Seymour (Rick Moranis) thinks that he just found a strange breed of plant, but Audrey II really is just a Mean Green Mother from Outer Space! She’s a big beast with command of the English language who loves to sing songs, but her lack of mobility means that poor Seymour has to supply her with a steady stream of food.

The Root of Evil: Another man-eating space plant. Sure are a lot of those on this list! So good luck finding one of your own, unless of course you just rent one.

Gardening Tips: A little bit harder to maintain than your average household plant, because it grows at an exponential rate. Oh, and it only can feed on human blood. Only recommended for those with lots of enemies or unwanted family members!
 
Its Place in Plantdom: Frank Oz’s version of the Roger Corman classic gave the giant plant more power than ever, and an incredible singing voice courtesty of the late Levi Stubbs. The musical that was based on it gave Broadway a little kick in the ass and continues to be one of the most popular in the world.
 
Happy Ending: This is yet another reason why test audiences should never, ever be trusted. The ending you saw of Little Shop of Horrors- where Rick Moranis kills Audrey II via electrocution and goes to live in the burbs with his girl Audrey- was actually a reshoot. Why? Because the original was too much of a downer, according to some friggin’ test group. Yes, too much of a downer in an incredibly black comedy musical that had a giant plant eating people left and right. The unfinished version of the ending is up on Youtube, check out Part 1 and Part 2 before clicking on the link below and seeing the Audrey IIs take over the whole goddamn world. Have a look at what should have been.


- Alex Riviello