Bring back gimmicks.

I’m talking William castle-style seat tingling, skeleton flying, life insurance waver signing type gimmicks.

I went and saw two 3D movies this weekend and had a blast. Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than reaching out to see if you can touch the effect coming out of the screen. It just makes movies fun again. Obviously, these kinds of gimmicks only apply to a certain kind of film. Requiem for a dream in 3D? No Thanks. (Although I have seen pornos in 3D, which is an experience all to itself. Things really do “come” off of the screen.)

William castle knew what was up. He knew his movies weren’t very good and that he needed a little something special to jazz them up. Think of how much better all of the terrible movies that are being released today would be if your seat buzzed or if zombies came barreling at you from behind the screen!

I won’t go on my sequels and remakes rant here, but I will say that they would be 100% better in 3D. And hell, it’s 2009, who’s going to invent 4D? I want to fucking touch, taste and smell those effects! Step it up, folks, step it up.