God bless Guinness, bringing odd people together for over fifty years!
Today, at the unveiling of the newest edition of The Guinness Book of World Records, He Pingping of China and Svetlana Pankratova of Spain met. Pankratova has the world longest legs (more than four feet!) and Pingping (perhaps the greatest last name of all time) is only 2 ft. 5.37 inches tall. He’s a small man and she’s an average woman with long legs. But today — and only today — they are a symbol of unity. Even these two odd-looking people can join to…promote a book.
I used to read Guinness all the time, mostly to get creeped out. But in my older age, I see that the book is used to weird people out or make them feel better about their average lives. Hey, I might lose my house but at least I’m not 2 feet tall! I may have severe acne but look at that freak’s fingernails!
But I digress.
This was a publicity stunt for the newest edition of Guinness, which hits bookstores tomorrow (as if we weren’t all going to be in line anyway). The only way that this event could’ve been better would have been to see both He and Svetlana in a big hot-air balloon, or maybe riding an elephant, or squirting milk out of their eyes. And Criss Angel could have been there. Oh, and the cast of Lost (the most downloaded show of all time, according to the book). Glorious times it would have been.
And another note: He is in the book, but not as the world’s smallest man. He is the world’s smallest man who can walk. That means that in some foreign country lays a man, too small to walk, wishing that it was he looking up a woman’s skirt. What shit luck.