Here are some tidbits and rants:
In censorship news, Manhunter II is getting the old AO treatment. I’m not going to rant about how silly it is that there is a rating for 17 year olds and older (Mature) and one for 18 year olds and older (Adults Only). So a 17 year old can have Hellenic threesomes, while bloodletting half of the Classical World, but still can’t handle some forms of sex and violence for another year? And I’m not going to carry on about the fact that stores won’t carry an AO game, but with promote the hell out of M-rated games.
And don’t cry for Rockstar. The AO rating couldn’t work out any better. Before this what Rockstar had was a super-violent, but ulitmately boring game. Now Rockstar has the Faces of Death of Video Games (well at least they have this week’s “Faces of Death”). The marketing of the game “Banned in Europe,” will push sales way beyond any previous expectations.
Also it’s cute how Sony and Nintendo take high and mighty stand of “we don’t release AO games." Like they didn’t know what they were getting into with Rockstar. Come on.
525,600 titles, that’s how many games Sony will have in a year
Ok, maybe not that many, but Sony seems to be looking to end this video game drought by making rain like Pacman (Jones). This week Sony announced that it’s hoping to add 200 retail and 180 online games by March 2008. While it appears to be a massive amount of titles, it’s really not. First, knock out all the online games, because they’re a dime-a-dozen. Next, knock out all the movie-television tie-in games and the sports simulators. Now you are down to 50. Now knock out all those awful Japanese fighting games that are spewed out every year. Now your down to 1, so look out America, Grand Theft Auto IV is ending the drought.
I’d talk about the Wii more, but the story’s been the same for the past 6 months, limited games released, AAA titles looming on the horizon (supposedly) and the only thing tougher to find in a mall other than a Wii is Adam Walsh.
Playing on Tilt
I can’t go a day about seeing some picture taken by some douchebag who has modified his console to do something complete useless or better yet made his cell phone into a light-gun for Duck Hunt. People, however, can’t get enough of modding their system.
In that vein, Talismoon last week came out with the TiltBoard. It’s a device when properly installed into a 360 controller, gives it the magical power of motion sensing and the Screw Attack.
Before you rejoice 360 fans, here are some drawbacks to the TiltBoard, a)you have to install it yourself (thus voiding the most important part of the 360, the warranty), b) the 360 does not have any games that utilize motion sensing (but it’s not like the Wii has too many games that utilize motion sensing all that well either) and c) it’s really only a replacement for the right analog stick. But don’t get down, perhaps there is some use for the TiltBoard. For the 9000 Shooters on the 360, which most use the right analog stick to look around, I could actually see this integrating well into the gameplay. And you thought I was going to go with a joke like: now you can flick you wrist to dry-hump an opponent.
Other gaming wastes of space
Last November, while on my honeymoon at Disney (shut up), in between getting the manager of GameStop to hold a Wii for me and watching the Michigan – Ohio State game (yeah my wife definitely hit the husband jackpot), My wife and I ventured into the gift shop at the Japan exhibit in EPCOT. While making jokes about the amount of Hello Kitty merchandise (it’s like they want you to believe the stereotype), I came across a mountain of Final Fantasy action figures. Actually, they were more like figurines. I was shocked that people would dole out money for a Yuna figure (Rikku is one thing, but Yuna?) and that the toys were geared toward adults.
I’ve never understood people’s desire to purchase video game toys. Pokemon is one thing, the kids love that shit, but Final Fantasy and Halo don’t skew toward the G.I. Joe demographic. As an example, here’s the first line from the description of the new Master Chief toy: “the protagonist of the Halo series stands at 5 inches tall, and has more than 18 points of articulation.”
Points of articulation, that’s what gets the kids into the van.
Plus last time I checked, the Halo games are rated Mature. Based on that, shouldn’t anyone that is supposed to be playing Halo be way too old for toys?
But Halo doesn’t stop at action figures, the upcoming Halo 3 has three different editions, the Standard (for those who just want to get to shooting people in the face), the Collectors (for those who are awful and like watching behind the scenes documentaries of video games) and the Legendary (well I’ll get to them in a second).
As for pricing, the Standard runs for the, um, standard $60. Shell out another $10 and you can have the Collectors Edition, which includes a featurette disc, which among other things, has a promotional video. That’s odd because why would I want to see an ad for something I just bought? Finally, for the sum of $130 (just about as much as it costs to get that fourth 360 repair), there is the Legendary Edition, which includes all the useless shit of the Collectors Edition, a directors commentary track for Halo 1 and Halo 2 (beats me) and a fully sculpted Spartan Helmet.
Why someone would buy the Legendary Edition is beyond me and if you do, please get up from your beaten-up video game chair you bought at Target with the remainder of the income tax return you received from your shitty sub-human job, shake off the crumbs from your grease, jizz and desperation stained sweatpants that reek because they haven’t been washed since you last spoke to a woman, which was the unattractive drive-thru worker at Taco Bell, who you claim to the people on the Bungie.net boards is your girlfriend, but even that pig wouldn’t know who you were but for the putrid odor coming from your mother’s 1985 Toyota Corolla littered with Family Guy stickers, make a farewell post to all your pretend loser friends on the IGN boards, who will forget that you were even alive a week and a half from now, go to the nearest bridge and jump, just so you can end the misery of me knowing that you exist on this planet.
That’s all for now.