When the film history books are written, the first decade of the 21st century will be considered the decade of the comic book movie. While comic books had been turned into movies before the 2000s, never before had they been such an integral part of Hollywood. Studios were in a mad dash to option almost every single comic book on the stands, to the point that some people were making comics not as an ends to itself but as a way of getting a deal. And it wasn’t just superheroes – every genre of comic book was getting pounced on by Hollywood.

10) Ichi the Killer

9) Hellboy II: The Golden Army

8) American Splendor

7) 300

6) X2

5) Ghost World

4) Iron Man

3) Watchmen

2) Spider-Man 2

1) Oldboy

The Jeremy Renner Hype Machine rolls on! In the past the Hurt Locker actor has attached himself to major geek roles like Mad Max and Haweye in The Avengers, and now he’s got us all a quiver about a possible Hawkeye cameo in Thor. MTV Movie Blog should get this guy on their payroll!

Talking to Movieline, Renner says that he’s not playing Hawkeye after all, but that we may yet see the Bowman in a Marvel movie.

That was just one of those things that got blown way out of proportion. It was an idea. Those Marvel guys, I’m a big fan of them. They’re so smart about how they want to do these things — they have Captain America, and Thor coming around, Iron Man 2, and then I happen to know Zak Penn, who’s writing The Avengers. So they thought Hawkeye is an interesting role, and asked me if I knew anything about him. I said no, so they gave me their sort of spiel on what he was, and I thought that it was kind of interesting. The only reason it came out this early, because Avengers is two years away, is that they’re thinking OK, we may throw him in Thor, we may not, as a cameo. You know what I mean? So there’s truth that we talked about it, but there’s no truth to me doing it.

So is there truth to Hawkeye being in Thor? Renner response is pretty confusing on the subject – is Hawkeye not in Thor or is Renner just not being Hawkeye? What do you think? Going over this conundrum can help ease the cruel hours of New Years for those without plans.

If any game released in 2009 warrants multiple playthroughs, it’s Dragon Age: Origins (review). While a single play will take you around 50-60 hours to complete, there’s still so much that you will inevitably miss, so many different choices you could have made.

Bioware has already released a few bits of DLC to give you even more reasons to play through it again, and the newest one (entitled Return to Ostagar) now has a release date of January 5th for Xbox 360 and PC, with the PS3 release to follow soon after. It’s perfectly timed for you to get over the holiday slump and jump right back into the world of Dragon Age… hopefully to return in time to play Mass Effect 2 when it hits on January 26th.

(On a side note, I’ve started up a second Mass Effect playthrough to get ready for the sequel and am amazed at how bad Dragon Age makes it look. Besides the horrible load times and repetitive side quests, the conversations stunned me by how unrealistic they feel. In Dragon Age conversation happens naturally and you learn about the world with a natural progression by talking to people, whereas in Mass Effect you often simply pick a topic and tell a character to divulge all the info he or she has on it. It’s very stilted and jarring and pulled me out of the world, but I’m sure Bioware has learned from their experience for the second one.)

Return to Ostagar will not only let you return to the snow-laden battlefields that the Darkspawn now swarm and reclaim the arms and armor from the king, but it will give you a second chance to add Dog to your party, in case you missed him the first time through. He was never used too much in my game, though- it’s always preferable to have someone who can add something to conversations. Here’s the official synopsis, which contains spoilers for the beginning of the game-

Your memories of the battle of Ostagar will haunt you for years to come. It laid waste to your order and claimed the lives of many great men and women, including the brash young King Cailan and your mentor, Duncan.

Now, there are rumors that a fellow survivor of the battle has escaped from captivity and is seeking the Grey Wardens’ help. The time has come for the Grey Wardens to make their return to Ostagar and exact their revenge upon the darkspawn.

Check out the trailer below and get those MS points ready- this baby will cost you five bucks.

Let me start out by saying that I have a natural weakness for Milla Jovovich that I have struggled with since the first Resident Evil movie.

I did not like the movie Resident Evil but I DID like Milla Jovovich. 

This is exactly how I expected to feel about A Perfect Getaway.  Yet here I am shortly after having watched the credits roll on the Unrated Director’s cut and all I can say is – “Wow. That movie did not Suck.”

They should put that on the Blu Ray – “Wow – this movie does not suck” – Brian McKevitt

So anyway, Milla Jovovich and her new husband Steve Zahn go on their Honeymoon to Hawaii and find themselves in the center of a murder mystery. Sort of. 

It’s really better than I’m making it sound. So I guess the lesson here is that if you have been holding off seeing A Perfect Getaway because you think it will suck; you should reconsider because that’s what I thought and I was wrong.

It did not suck.

…But first, my top five documentaries!  This was a great year for movies I liked, great enough that I can make a second list for documentaries.  As usual, I didn’t see nearly enough of those, but my favorites are below.  And after that, we’ll get to the main event – my personal Top Ten of 2009! 

(In both lists, I linked to my earlier articles in the cases where I previously wrote about them.)

My Favorite Documentaries Of 2009

5.  Tyson

I don’t think there are many people out there who are one-hundred-percent pro-Tyson, but I don’t think there are many people who will watch this movie and can come out of it one-hundred-percent against Tyson.  Whether you believe him to be a hero or a villain, Mike Tyson is a legendary athlete, a legend in self-destructive behavior, and without a doubt one of the most quotable people of all time.  His life story says plenty about American sports over the last couple decades.  This movie delivers him right to you – pure unfiltered Mike, for worse and for better.

4.  Winnebago Man

I need to find out where people can get to see this movie – it’s been playing festivals across America and I haven’t heard about a wider theatrical release yet.  Something else I haven’t heard:  a single negative word about it.  Then again, if anyone has a negative word to say about Winnebago Man, they’re a fucking idiot and you don’t want to hear a goddamn word they have to say.  And if you can handle that kind of language, you too will adore this movie.  One of the funniest AND most touching movies around, documentary or otherwise.

3.  Good Hair

Here’s a shaky metaphor for you:  If the black moviegoing audience is a heavy dresser, and the white moviegoing audience is a wall, then Good Hair is the movie that fell between ‘em.  Chris Rock’s hilarious documentary is playfully critical of a sociological trend that consumes black women and therefore affects black men also, while remaining absolutely foreign to almost all white people everywhere.  (One of the exceptions is in this movie, and he must be seen to be believed.)  It’s a shame that so many people missed Good Hair, because it’s Chris Rock, and Chris Rock has no problem bridging audiences.  If Good Hair has a flaw, it’s that there’s enough story here for a miniseries (no joke!) and the many storytelling strands could’ve used more time to develop.  If modern movies have a flaw, it’s that they underuse the adorable Nia Long, who appears here to attempt to explain “weave sex” – which sounds so bizarre and awkward that it actually sounded totally appealing.  (Probably helped that it was Nia Long discussing it, and not, say, Oprah or Mo’Nique.)

2.  Anvil! The Story Of Anvil

Everybody called this movie “the Spinal Tap of documentaries” and if that gets more people to see it, then sure, I’ll go with that.  I think I like Anvil better though, because yeah, it’s real!  It has a pair of lead characters who are initially somewhat laughable, but very quickly become lovable and even admirable throughout the course of their story, and not to give anything a way, but this documentary has the happiest ending since King Of Kong.  I’m pretty sure you’ll love this movie.  Give it a chance!

1.  The Cove

The Cove shook me.  Deeply.  It made me furious and it made me despair, and at the end of it all, it made me motivated.  I truly hope that everyone who reads these words takes a look at The Cove.  It centers on the monstrous slaughter of scores of dolphins by Japanese fishermen in Taiji (among other locations) – thousands a year!  While the opposing point of view is admittedly not heard in this movie, let’s face it: there is no opposing point of view.  There is no reason to massacre dolphins.  Since the Japanese government won’t stand against these crimes, a small group of filmmakers, specialists, and activists took matters into their own hands and filmed everything.  The Cove truly is a vital act of altruism.  It’s hardly dull or boring – movie fans will enjoy the way the team is recruited and prepared for the job, Ocean’s Eleven style – but beyond its concessions to entertainment, The Cove feels absolutely necessary.

Didn’t See In Time For Listing:  Soul Power, Facing Ali, Food Inc, It Might Get Loud.

Loved, But Don’t Think It Counts As A 2009 Release:  Not Quite Hollywood.

My Ten Favorite Movies Of 2009

10.  (500) Days Of Summer

I didn’t expect to like this movie, not even a little bit.  I figured, by all appearances, that it was going to be cutesy.  Normally, I’m revolted by cutesy.  Guess what?  (500) Days Of Summer was totally cutesy, and I still dug it.  There is an aspect of recognition at work – I can relate to some of the experiences enacted here, and the locations are very familiar to me.  There is also an ace pair of lead performances from Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel, and some nice supporting comic balance from the underrated Geoffrey Arend.  Most of all, the moral of this story (which, as is promised early on, is about a boy and a girl but is not a love story) is one I needed to hear at the time I heard it.  It’s something I’ve understood and internalized over the last few years but it was nice to hear it said.  You can have your heart broken – more than once! – but you can not allow your broken heart to turn black.  It doesn’t do you any good to be embittered towards a girl who doesn’t love you (back/anymore/at all) – feel grateful for the experience and be always ready for the next one, which can easily be right around the corner. 

9.  World’s Greatest Dad

Blackest comedy of the year.  Most unintentionally timely movie of the year, period.  For all the events of 2009 – the war(s), the economy, the inauguration of the first black president, the return to glory of the New York Yankees, and so on – it seems like this year is destined to go down in history as the year that a ton of famous people died.  The sane man can feel alone in noticing that cruel celebrity mockery and weepy celebrity worship are increasingly separated by one moment in time: that celebrity’s death.  Apparently, the sane man is not alone – he has Bobcat Goldthwait to speak for him. (!)  Bobcat’s script and direction of World’s Greatest Dad impeccably illustrate the ways that the still-living sentimentalize dead people, and in the process he gave Robin Williams one of his trickiest and most sympathetic roles in more than a decade, depending on what you thought of Good Will Hunting.

8.  Observe & Report

I cannot comprehend the sentiment I heard a few times this year from some people, that they’ve had too much of Seth Rogen – I can’t get enough of the guy!  He’s a great comedy writer and a uniquely charming performer, and he has got to be respected for taking on the psycho-stalker role this early in his career.  Of course, Ronnie Barnhart, mall security guard, is a little more complicated than your average psycho-stalker, especially for a comedy.  He really does want to do good in the world, and he might actually make a decent cop, if not for his mental state, which Rogen and director Jody Hill certainly play for laughs but also manage to hint at the sadness informing it.  The best thing about Observe & Report is that you just don’t know where it’s going and you can hardly believe it when it gets there!  Jody Hill is bringing anarchy and amorality back to film comedy, and I salute him for it, in an age when most comedies are “Diet” flavored and even the good popular comedies hang their stories on plot points you care nothing about.  (See The Hangover: Who gives a good fuck if that pussy Doug gets back to his wedding on time?  Send Galifianakis back to Vegas to hang out with the tiger, that’s what we all want.)

7.  Black Dynamite

After that Hangover quibble, you may not trust my opinion on comedy anymore, if you ever did.  Honestly, maybe you shouldn’t!  I’m about to tell you that Black Dynamite was pound for pound the funniest movie of the year, in my opinion.  From start to finish, I never really stopped laughing – after every joke, there was always another wave of funny to catch.  It helps that the genre that Black Dynamite is spoofing, “blaxploitation” or 1970s black action films, is one of my sweet spots, cinematically speaking.  I definitely kicked to the fact that someone managed to get a movie like this one released in 2009, and I loved the thorough detail of the twisted world seen here.  I thought Michael Jai White played it perfectly – of course he would’ve been a great star of those films back then, but back in the here-and-now, he brought incredible comic timing to his outsized hero character.  “Blaxploitation spoof” is one of the most specific genres I can think of, but Black Dynamite stands with the best of them.

6.  The Road

Of all the movies on my list, this is the one I hope I don’t have to watch again anytime soon.  Sweet Jesus, was it bleak.  Look, there are a couple givens here:  Cormac McCarthy’s novel was brilliant and there are intimate, lyrical moments in the book that no movie can come close to capturing.  But damned if director John Hillcoat (The Proposition) and his brilliant crew of production designers, cameramen, and costumers actually pull it off.  The Road as a movie is brutal and uncompromising and the only reason it didn’t hit me harder than it did is that it was so loyal to the book that I knew what was coming in the end.  If for nothing else, you must see this movie for Viggo Mortensen’s performance.  This guy is just one of the best there is – his physical and emotional commitment to his role was apparent, transformative and extraordinary.

5.  Public Enemies

I took a lot of heat for liking this one, no pun intended up there, but I stand by it.  Michael Mann is my favorite filmmaker, and there’s no one currently working whose movies I’d rather watch.  No matter how universally a movie is respected or attacked, movies are ultimately a subjective experience and Public Enemies just worked for me.  It isn’t my favorite Michael Mann movie; it isn’t even my favorite Michael Mann movie of the decade.  But there’s so much good going on here that I just can’t let the dissenters dissuade me, even as I see their points on some of the more technical complaints.  I like how the movie actually flips the script of the Mann film it’s most compared to, Heat:  In Heat, both groups of cops and crooks are vivid and (for better or worse) likable, whereas in Public Enemies Dillinger’s guys are generally undependable and untrustworthy, and Purvis’s guys are corrupt or inept pigs.  It really is cop versus crook, Dillinger versus Purvis, and there’s no doubt who you’re rooting for this time.  I think Depp is a great Dillinger and Marion Cotillard really got to me as his lady love.  Most of all, I like how Mann cast a guy in a significant role (Jason Clarke as Dillinger’s associate Red Hamilton) who looks exactly like a younger version of himself.

4.  Big Fan

Robert Siegel, as a writer, now has two movies to his name (The Wrestler and Big Fan) that just make sense to me in a very instinctive and personal way.  As director, he really immediately took command and asserted his voice in a way that makes me eager to see his next film.  He has a skill at capturing the tri-state area, both visually and atmospherically, in a way I recognize.  Really, if he keeps going in this direction, he’ll be favorably compared to Martin Scorsese and Spike Lee.  In Big Fan we’re looking at Staten Island and parts of New York, and trust me, I know these people.  I know people like them, anyway.  If you look at Paul Aufiero as a cautionary tale, then be afraid, because I see Paul Aufieros all over the place (not to mention his shithead lawyer brother and his thickheaded best buddy, and so on).  And speaking of Paul Aufiero:  Patton Oswalt gave one of the best dramatic performances of the year in this movie, and considering that he put out the best stand-up comedy album of the year already, that just ain’t fair.  Patton’s got talent on lock.

3.  District 9

I agree with everybody who loves District 9 and I don’t know I can express it any better than they all have.  Fucking rocks.  This is a movie that will be talked about for a long time.  It’s an exciting, spirited action movie that evokes real-world issues without being too overt and obnoxious about it.  Arguably its most remarkable achievement is the way it shifts the audience’s allegiance in the case of “Christopher Johnson” and the other “prawns” – at first we’re disgusted by them, then we are actively rooting for them against our own species, and ultimately we’re moved by their plight.  That’s not just an achievement of brilliant visual effects, which it is, but also an achievement of storytelling.  Yes, there are quibbles here and there, such as the monstrous portrayal of the warlord character and the way the movie abandons the mockumentary format pretty early on, but honestly, who cares?  The movie is so good that it transcends minor critiques even as it invites serious conversation.

2.  A Serious Man

I have a theory.  I believe that sometimes the movies get together in order to tell us something.  For example, it can’t be an accident that in 2007, three of the best movies (There Will Be Blood, No Country For Old Men, and Zodiac) were dire statements about the downturn of goodness and morality in America.  I guess it has something to do with synchronicity, with smart minds pondering the same issues and ideas.  I feel like that’s happening again this year, between movies as different as Up In The Air, The Road, and A Serious Man.  These movies are about the question “What really matters in life?” but they are also about “What’s the point, really?”  A Serious Man goes the furthest into that question, and it’s also the funniest.  Not everyone got the joke, but that’s fine.  Sometimes the best jokes are missed by the most people.  I doubt the Coen brothers care.  However, I do like to think that they made this one for the Chosen People.  The goyim get enough movies catered to them around this time of year.

1.  Drag Me To Hell

That’s right, I said Drag Me To Hell.  Far as I’m concerned, here’s the best movie I saw all year.  No joke!  Drag Me To Hell is, technically speaking, the most perfect movie of the year.  It does exactly what it sets out to do.  It wants to spook you, to gross you out, and to make you laugh.  It does all of those things thoroughly and efficiently.  Sam Raimi is a master filmmaker and he schooled everybody else this year with this one, not that enough folks noticed.  You can find a flaw in the making in any of the other so-called “best” films of 2009, but not Drag Me To Hell; its machinery is flawless.  Now, I do believe that there’s some hidden depth to this deceptively simple movie, thematic texture that begins to show itself the more you watch it (which has been five times for me so far).  There’s something to the fact that both Alison Lohman and Justin Long seem to be cast to seem too young for the jobs they have; there’s something to the cultural and racial and even religious overtones to the casting and character naming; there’s something to the question of whether Christine Brown deserves what happens to her.  There’s even a theory out there on the internet that what happens to Christine is all imagined, and that she is hallucinating because she suffers from bulimia!  I love the fact that the movie somehow led someone to think that theory up, although I doubt that Sam Raimi chose to make an entire movie about that serious topic.  The bottom line is that Sam Raimi made Drag Me To Hell in order to loosen up and to let loose, and since no one lets loose with a camera and a bed of sound effects quite as energetically as Sam Raimi can, that is a rare and wonderful thing to witness.  A hell of a thing, in fact.

Didn’t See In Time For Listing:  The Fantastic Mr. Fox, Red Cliff, Brothers, Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans, The Hurt Locker, Crazy Heart, Trucker, The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus, The Princess And The Frog.

Dug A Lot, But Need To Take Another Look At:  Funny People, Extract, The Informant!, Up, State Of Play, Where The Wild Things Are.

Coming on New Year’s Day:  THE 2010 SLOW-MOTION QUICK-DRAW AWARDS.

http://twitter.com/jonnyabomb

It would be easy to dismiss The Shield as “The Wire for meatheads”. And, to be fair, there’s some validity to that assessment. But there’s something about this show that compelled me to finish all seven seasons. Was it the quality of the show, or the ridiculous goofyness? Yes and yes.

On a surface level, the show plays out like a conservative masterbation fantasy: Vic Mackey, a proudly un-politically correct cop and his band of beefy crackers keep the world safe for the white man, while minorities, women and intellectuals stand weak-willed before the oncoming tide. The character of Mackey is a cross between Superman and the Road Runner; He’s stronger, smarter, and more morally righteous than any other character, while also being nigh invincible.

David Simon, creator of The Wire, said that “the war on drugs became a war on the lower class”. If Shawn Ryan, the creator of The Shield, shares the same views, it’s certainly not clear from the narrative. So, let’s nip this in the bud: Both shows are about cops and criminals, and both shows are bookended by Clark Johnson episodes. Beyond that, we’re talking about two different animals.

So, what do I like about this show? I love when it embraces it’s pulp roots as a noir fantasy. The two part season one finale, in which Vic and nerd detective Dutch have to team up to take down a rogue cop, compares positively to the works of James Ellroy. It’s tense, it’s fun and it’s way over the top. This show doesn’t just jump the shark, it flies over the shark in a rocket, and I love every minute of it. The actors are hit or miss, though the regulars I found to be generally solid. The distinctive look of the show, with the extreme close-ups and weird zooms, added quite a bit to the energy of the whole thing (How much of that style was Clark Johnson’s idea, I wonder?).

Most delicious of all is every episode’s need to out-do the last in viciousness. Little girl getting her eyes burned out? Check. Girl being crushed under the fat man who was raping her, and then died of a heart attack? Yep. Cop strangles a cat to death, for no apparent reason? Uh-huh.

What don’t I like about the show? Well, there’s a lot of recycled story ideas. There’s a series of desperate prostitutes that Mackey befriends, that could all have been the same character. There’s a couple of serial killers who are looking for their missing relatives. I feel like the show could have been compressed to 3 or 4 seasons, and been much more enjoyable to me.

And there’s never a Lex Luthor to Mackey’s Superman. You have an amazing actor like Forest Whitaker playing a Internal Affairs agent out to get Mackey, and there’s a lot of potential for great drama. But Forest’s character is never a credible threat, because from his first episode on he acts like a complete boob. I repeat; Mackey always has the upper hand, which doesn’t make for a lot of really tense situations. The tension comes more from the consequences of his actions inflicted upon other people.

There’s a lot of stupidity going on in this show. It’s fine when the show is embracing its pulpyness, but when it actually wants me to take it seriously, it doesn’t work so well. It’s almost unbelievable that these people would actually be police officers, particularly the Strike Team (aka The band of merry crackers). The Strike Team kicks down doors, makes threats, and encounters very little in the way of resistance (Because, according to the show’s internal logic, minorities are a cowardly and superstitious lot). God help them if they actually had to gather up evidence, or knock on a door for a gentle chat. On the flip side, if I were a murderer being grilled by master interrogator Dutch, I would most likely be laughing my ass off at his painfully obvious attempts at psychological manipulation. The smart characters on this show act like smart people written by dumb people.

And my biggest beef with the show is this; The pilot was great. I mean, as great as something can be that has a montage scene scored by Kid Rock. They do a great bait-and-switch, and Mackey is set up as a mean bastard in the mold of Denzel’s Oscar winning role from Training Day. “OOOOhhhh!” I say, “This show will be about the survival of the baddest”. But Mackey, after that episode, is never that character again. It’s like comparing Gojira to Godzilla vs The Smog Monster; something has been softened. Were they afraid to have a straight up villain as the protagonist of the show? Unfortunate, because I feel like it could have been a lot more compelling.

The last season, and particularly the last episode, really stepped it up a notch. I was completely satisfied with the resolution, both in the narrative and in my viewing. It’s been a long and generally amusing trip, but I’m glad it’s over.

With the attempted Christmas Day bombing of a Northwest flight, we’re suddenly reminded of the reality of terrorism. What’s amazing is how far we have and have not come since 9/11; as a former New York City resident I can tell you that the first few months after the World Trade Center came down taking the subway or driving through a tunnel was a pretty scary experience. I bet there were a bunch of long-time New Yorkers who felt that way again after Christmas.

Tom DeSanto, producer of the X-Men films and Transformers, is tackling terrorism in a real way – not through the eyes of mutants or transforming robots but from the case files of the folks who track terrorists down. Says Tom himself an email today:

Tonight TruTV is airing a special called CRISIS: New York Underwater and it is a pilot for a counter terrorism based show shining a spotlight on the danger.  Since 1993 terrorists have tried several times to blow up the tunnels between NY and NJ and it is a very real problem today that the powers that be have not given proper attention to.  I want the show to shine a spotlight on the problem so we can fix it.

I know that this is something I’m interested in. There must be tons of stories coming out of the War on Terror that we just never hear about, and I’m curious as to what’s going on behind the scenes. Tom promises that this show is free of politics and just focuses on stuff we can all agree on, like that the destruction of the Lincoln Tunnel would be a bad thing.

The show is airing tonight at 11 Eastern (so soon!) and will probably be repeated. Check it out if the recent attack has you thinking about terrorism and what we’re doing to fight it.

In 2009 the movie studios made an amount of money that can only be properly expressed through the scientific measurement of ‘buttloads,’ so obviously getting people into theaters isn’t as hard as some would like to make you think. People go to the movies, and in large numbers. But that doesn’t mean they’re liking it. One of the truisms about moviegoing is that it’s a crap shoot – for every great experience you have, you have one that’s totally ruined. It’s because the theatrical exhibition business seems to have quit giving a shit a few decades ago; now most movie theaters are run by neglectful owners who just collect your money at the door and maybe remember to keep the film in focus while you watch. It isn’t just the size of the theaters that have shrank since the days when my grandparents went to a movie palace and saw a double feature with a raft of cartoons – it’s the very moviegoing experience that has gotten crummier.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. And there are some very small, very simple (and admittedly possibly very expensive) steps that could really change the face of going to the movies. The time to make these changes are now – while attendance is very high at the moment there’s an entire generation getting used to Bit Torrenting movies and watching them on their phones. 3D and all that are fads, and will likely be available at home soon enough anyway. To keep numbers high you have to make going to the movies a treat again.

1) Hire some fucking ushers. I mean, seriously. We have actually gotten to the point where the talkers and texters outnumber the real people in a movie theater. At some point the theaters owners simply ceded the auditoriums to these fuckers. Look, I know that their money is just as good as mine, but guess what: if you don’t let these shitheads ruin the experience, I’ll probably spend more than they do.

One of the many reasons I love the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin Texas is that they have a stringent no talking policy, and they will kick your ass out if you break it. Read this blog entry from Alamo owner Tim League for more about that. Knowing that their movie won’t be interrupted by rude people will really bring back many more folks to the theater – the kind of folks who have the money to buy high end home theater systems but would be happy to spend it at your establishment instead.

2) Hire some real fucking projectionists. This is about to become a serious issue, if the 3D fad holds up. I’ve been hearing stories of improperly projected 3D screenings of Avatar, and screwing that up is way more serious than misframing a print (which happens all the time. When you go to the movies and see the boom mic in every shot – that’s the projectionist’s fault, not the filmmaker). Once upon a time projectionists were unionized professionals; now they’re often part-time morons. We need real, professional projectionists making sure that the sound and picture quality of our films are top notch. And that includes replacing dim bulbs, probably the number one source of poor movie picture quality.

3) Keep the babies out. Hey, I know this list isn’t revolutionary. There is a lot of obvious stuff here, but for some reason the obvious has not yet penetrated into the minds of theater owners. So that brings us to this obvious item, which isn’t saying keep all babies out all the time – just keep the kids out of R rated movies at night. I don’t really care that you’re scarring your four year old  by bringing him to Friday the 13th, I care that my enjoyment of the film is being hampered by him screaming and screaming and screaming.

If you just need to get to the movies and aren’t smart enough to figure out how to get a babysitter, go to a matinee. Theaters should make this mandatory; their systems should be incapable of spitting out child tickets to an R-rated film after 5pm.

4) Have reserved seats. When I first moved to LA I was aghast at the idea of reserved seating at the Arclight Cinema in Hollywood. Now I love it. There are a couple of reasons: one, I don’t have to get to the movie theater an hour and a half early. I can go to dinner, do some shopping, fuck around in general and get to the theater last minute and still have my great seat. But even more than that, if I get a great seat at a packed screening it increases the likelihood I am sitting next to a human and not some kind of Morlock mongoloid. See, the good seats go fast for packed screenings, and the people who want good seats tend to be the kind of people who don’t text through entire films. Of course some of them still do, which is why even a theater with good reserved seating needs more fucking ushers.

5) Sell me more stuff. This is probably the trickiest idea to implement, but I also think it’s the best. When I walk out of a movie I really, really liked I’m quite susceptible to further marketing for it. I might buy a toy, or a soundtrack, or the original novel, or the cool teaser poster. So sell it to me!

The arguments against this are many: space is already at a premium in movie theaters (it’s why screens are so small these days). Stocking inventory would be a nightmare, as you just wouldn’t know which films would be hits and which wouldn’t. And what do you do with all the extra inventory when a movie is out of theaters in three weeks? I don’t know, figure it out. We live in the future, don’t we? We should be able to burn soundtracks on the spot, or load them right up to iPods. And there are even printing on demand services for books. But while this would take a lot of thinking and hard work, I know it would also pay off, if invested in properly. Some theaters do this already; the Landmark in LA has soundtracks and books on sale, but they keep them in a glass case in a weird spot between the bathroom and the ticket taker. Existing space would need to be rethought and changes would need to be made, but I know deep down inside that people would spend money on extraneous merch when they walk out of a movie. They do it at sports events and concerts, and the future of theatrical exhibition should be making it feel like that– like you’re having a night out, not like you’re killing time at the mall.

And here’s a really revolutionary idea: Sell me the DVD or Blu-Ray on the way out. Yes, this won’t work for Transformers, but for smaller films it could be a goldmine. Did you just see Antichrist and really like it? Here’s the DVD to take home. It’s the next step in day-and-date video on demand, and I think people would pay more to take home a movie they just saw and loved. A lot of people will get upset at this idea, but I think the very way we consume movies isn’t changing, it has changed. Let’s start admitting that and figuring out how to make more money from it.

BUY IT AT AMAZON: BUY HERE!
STUDIO: Sony Pictures
MSRP: $28.96
RATED: PG-13
RUNNING TIME: 159 minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES: 

Trailer

The Pitch

An amazing remake of an amazing film

The Humans

Director: Nikita Mikhalkov

Writer: Nikita Mikhalkov/Valdimir Moiseyenko/Aleksandr Novototsky

Cast: Sergei Makovetsky, Nikita Mikhalkov, Sergei Garmash, Valentin Gaft, Alexei Petrenko, Yuri Stoyanov, Sergei Gazarov, Mikhail Efremov, Alexei Gorbunov, Sergei Artsybashev, Viktor Verzhbitsky, Roman Madyanov, Alexander Adabashyan, Apti Magamayev

The Nutshell

Twelve Russian jurors are sequestered to determine the guilt or innocence of a young Chechen boy accused of murdering his adoptive father.

The Lowdown

I have never been a fan of remakes but if you remake a movie it should be one that needs improving. When it comes to remaking classics, or bonafide masterpieces, it is better to not even try. Sydney Lumet’s 12 Angry Men is a film that never needed to be remade, although it was done once before with a serviceable made-for-TV effort in 1997. While that remake was a nice exercise it brought nothing new to the table and remains, in my opinion, a wasted effort. It is important to remember that Lumet’s masterful film is not an original either but a remake of a classic episode of Studio One in Hollywood. It is proof that a remake can be made into something great if a director brings something new to the table. Russian director Nikita Mikhalkov did bring something new and unique to the table and creates a film that pays homage to the Lumet film while creating something fresh and different.

The Lumet classic is best known for his mastery of the camera. Twelve jurors set up in a small jury room and ponder the fate of a boy accused of murder. One juror dissents the guilty verdict and as the movie wears on, and the patience of these twelve men are tested, the camera closes in on them. The room, originally appears spacious thanks to the camera looking down on the men but transforms into something small, cramped and uncomfortable to both the jurors in the film as well as the viewers watching the events unfold. The camera lowers until there seems to be little room to maneuver. We see what it must be like to be trapped in this room, in what seems to be an impossible situation.

The first change Mikhalkov (who also plays the jury foreman) makes to his film is eliminating the entire feeling of claustrophobia. This is a dangerous decision because it eliminates what made the original great to begin with. With the feelings of entrapment lifted, what is left to tell the story? Instead of being sequestered in a small room, the twelve jurors are led to a high school gymnasium because the courthouse is undergoing renovations. With a large gym, the feelings of being trapped are replaced with a wide open space allowing them to wander around a room filled with numerous objects to distract these men as they ponder the case of a young Chechen (Apti Magamaev), charged with murdering his adoptive father, an officer in the Russian Army.

This brings me to the biggest change between the two stories. Instead of just giving us a young man whose face we barely see in the original film, we are given numerous flashbacks during the film, showing the boy as he grows up. This takes us completely out of the jury room on occasion, something Lumet never dared, but adds a new dimension to the film. We see the young impressionable boy dancing with soldiers outside his home, learning to play with a knife. We see numerous shots of the boy’s mother and dog. We also see the war torn country as the battles continue ravaging the countryside. By adding in these scenes, although short and sparse of dialogue, we are given a new depth to the film. We are presented with a social commentary for life in Russia, one that allegedly brought tears to the eyes of Former Russian President Vladimir Putin. The claustrophobia is still present in spirit as occasionally we cut to a scene of the accused Chechen boy as he awaits the decision, pacing his cell and dancing towards the end. While the jury is not as claustrophobic as the originals film’s twelve men, the accused is enclosed in a small box.

Without the trapped jurors, suffocating in the heat, the social commentary is not enough to carry the film. It is a good thing there is not a weak member in the cast. The same stereotypes from the original are present here, although in some cases, such as with the Jewish man, it takes on a completely different meaning in Russian culture. A standout from the cast is Sergei Garmash, playing the same role as Lee J. Cobb. He is a racist cabbie who has a deep centered hatred for the young boy on trial, based both on race as well as on the specific crime itself. He is involved in scenes that are meant to break down the weaker members of the jury, driving one man to race to the bathroom, sick from the abuse.

While the Lumet film checked in at a nice, tight 96 minutes, this film stretches out to 2 1/2 hours. However, the film never feels that long because the pacing by Mikhalkov is brisk and the actors involved always interesting. Each juror gets his story to tell, almost like a radio play, as the camera simply circles the men and allows them to deliver their monologue. Every story adds to the swaying of the jurors to the side of the accused boy, despite evidence against him. While only three or four jurors from Lumet’s film remains in your memory, every one of the men from 12 have a story that is interesting and engaging, memorable long after the final credits role. The stories are less matter-of-fact information and more parables, ranging from the man who steals from the rich dead to return to the living poor to the story of a man who, down on his luck, takes hostages to finally get what he believes he deserves, only to be given freedom by a police officer with a heart of gold. None of these stories are cheesy or melodramatic but each packs an emotional punch that leaves the viewer amazed at the talent on display.

The revelations and twist at the end of the movie feels strangely out of place. What made Lumet’s conclusion so great is that, while the jurors found holes in the story, they gave their decision and the movie ended. It was not about whether or not the boy was guilty, but about whether or not the jurors believe it. 12 does not withhold the information. We are shown the truth about the Chechen boy’s guilt or innocence, we are shown the incident as it unfolds to the witnesses and we are given a needless twist in the jury room that leads to a glimmer of hope and redemption. It all feels like an episode of Law & Order as the climax unfolds. It is a flaw, but never once threatens to diminish the greatness of the film as a whole.

12 was nominated for a Best Foreign Language Oscar back in 2007 but sat on the shelf until earlier in 2009 when it was finally released in the United States. The release was limited and now it is finally available on DVD. While there are things in the film that ring untrue (a Russian jury only needs to return six not guilty votes for the acquittal, making the entire premise false) they are negligible when put into this amazing film. The performances are top notch and the direction is amazing. I believe you should never remake a classic unless you plan to bring something new and unique to the table. Nikita Mikhalkov found that something and creates a movie that pays proper respect to the film it is remaking but ends up as masterful and beautiful as anything made today.

The Package

All that is available is the trailer.

9.5 out of 10