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The motion picture studios send us vermillions of DVD releases for the purpose of review. More titles than you can shake a stick at, unless you have a lot of time and a particularly sturdy stick. Unlike most sites [and weirdly a source of nitpicking from some detractors who we’ve discovered are dumb and lonely asexual prick assholes], we review everything we’re sent. Even the gay vampire program Lair (from the makers of Dante’s Cove). We have a wide array of reviewers, all with functioning nervous systems and all ready to entertain YOU with their puns and prose. You. Are. Welcome.

DVD REVIEW: CHICAGO JOE AND THE SHOWGIRL

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE!STUDIO: ArtisanMSRP: $14.98RATED: RRUNNING TIME: 105 min.SPECIAL FEATURES:• chapter search. make it chapter 11. The Pitch “It’s Badlands in Britain!” The Humans Kiefer Sutherland (Flashback), Emily Lloyd (Cookie), Patsy Kensit (Lethal Weapon 2) The Nutshell In WWII London, US Army deserter Karl Hulten, 22, and would-be stripper Betty Jones, 17, … Continue reading

DVD REVIEW: GOAL!

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERESTUDIO: TouchstoneMSRP: $29.99 RATED: PG-13RUNNING TIME: 118 minutesSPECIAL FEATURES: • "The Beautiful Game" featurette• "Behind the Pitch" featurette• Full-length commentary• Happy Mondays’ music video• Highlights from World Cup games The Pitch "It’s every soccer-loving kid’s dream come true!" The Humans Kuno Becker, Stephen Dillane (King Arthur), Anna Friel (the bloody … Continue reading

DVD REVIEW: ONCE IN A LIFETIME

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERESTUDIO: Miramax Home EntertainmentMSRP: $29.99 RATED: PG-13RUNNING TIME: 97 minutesSPECIAL FEATURES: • "Stories of Pele" SportsCentury interviews• Deleted Scenes• Highlights from New York Cosmos games The Pitch "Americans love soccer! Right?" "Yes, sonny. Once upon a dream." The Humans Pelé, Steve Ross, Marv Albert, Franz Beckenbauer The Nutshell Despite being … Continue reading

DVD REVIEW: TACTICS – VOLUME 1

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE!STUDIO: Manga VideoMSRP: $24.98RATED: Not RatedRUNNING TIME: 150 MinutesSPECIAL FEATURES:• Interviews with the Japanese cast• Promotional materials• Trailers The Pitch A paranormal investigator hunts out demons while simultaneously carrying on creepy, inappropriate relationships with them. The Humans Kouki Miyata, Takahiro Sakurai, Tomoko Kawakami and Nana Mizuki I just blue myself. … Continue reading

DVD REVIEW: HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! (50TH BIRTHDAY EDITION)

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE! STUDIO: Warner Home VideoMSRP: $19.98RATED: UnratedRUNNING TIME: 26 MinutesSPECIAL FEATURES:• Horton Hears a Who!• "Dr. Seuss and the Grinch – From Who-ville to Hollywood"• "Who’s Who in Who-ville"• "Grinch Pencil Test"• "TNT’s "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" Special Edition"• "Songs in the Key of Grinch" The PitchWhat if Scrooge … Continue reading

DVD REVIEW: TOOT AND PUDDLE – I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE!STUDIO: Nat’l Geographic VidMSRP: $19.98RATED: NRRUNNING TIME: 44 minutesSPECIAL FEATURES:◦Available Audio Tracks: English (Dolby Digital 1.0) ◦Sing-Along ◦Toot’s Trip to Scotland THE PITCH “What if the world was populated by animals that were patterned after humans in terms of speech and behavior? Other than being the stuff of nightmares.” THE … Continue reading

DVD REVIEW: AN AMERICAN HAUNTING (UNRATED)

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERESTUDIO: Lions GateMSRP: $28.98 RATED: PG-13RUNNING TIME: 91 minutesSPECIAL FEATURES: • Video commentary by director Courtney Solomon• Alternate and deleted scenes• Interview with director Courtney Solomon and actress Sissy Spacek• Internet promotions• Trailer and TV spots The Pitch Don’t no ghost scare the shit out of you like an American … Continue reading

DVD REVIEW: BEST OF MR. BEAN, THE

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE!STUDIO: A&E Home VideoMSRP: $14.95RATED: Not RatedRUNNING TIME: 125 MinutesSPECIAL FEATURES:• Rowan Atkinson biography and filmography• “The Story of Bean” documentary The Pitch A bizarre man child with a tie bumbles and stumbles his way through life’s little challenges. The Humans Rowan Atkinson. That’s about it. The Nutshell Mr. Bean … Continue reading