LISTS REBORN: THE 12 DAYS OF CHUDMAS – 2008

It’s no secret that CHUD has entered a new era.  We’re moving forward and growing by leaps and bounds and we’ve already started bringing you the awesome with more surprises in store.  But, while we’re all for celebrating the long life of the New Flesh, it never hurts to take a look back and celebrate the things we’ve done in the past.  Things like Lists.  They’re a tremendous part of CHUD’s identity and we’ve lost count of how many of you guys have cited them as the reason you got on board with us in the first place.  We’ve done a lot of them – some forgotten, some still mentioned in almost every forum discussion – all of them fun.  So we’re bringing them back.  And what better time than now that our first list under the new regime is well under-way?  So – every Friday we’ll publish a freshly-put-together index of every list we’ve ever done – our Remastered Special Editions, if you will.  Plus, we’ll have a few surprises along the way.  So, without further ado…

It’s the holidays and we’re feeling it even here in the Sewer. This year we’re taking stock of the many gifts we’ve gotten from the movies over the years and celebrating them in the form of a Christmas carol. In our own special way.

While the traditional 12 Days of Christmas counts up from one, we think it’s more fun to count down between now and the big day (and yeah, we built in some slack for ourselves). So sit back and get ready for some great moments from some great CHUD favorites, and some possible holiday gift ideas while we’re at it.

On the 12th Day of Chudmas… (Click to read!)
12 Hot Dogs Gobbled

Devin Says:  “When the Ghostbusters’ containment unit fails, the many spooks they’ve captured wreak havoc in the streets of New York City, all set to the bizarrely unforgettable “Magic” by Mick Smiley. Horrible apparitions swoop out of the subway and zombies commandeer taxi cabs, but the really memorable moment is Slimer coming out of the hot dog cart with a dozen franks in his mouth…”

On the 11th Day of Chudmas…
11 Inappropriate Kills

Russ Says:  “When a traumatized kid dons a Santa suit, Christmas runs red. Eleven people (not counting the snowman) are killed by one of two psychotic Santas in Silent Night, Deadly Night, the holiday horror film that is one of the few films in the US as reviled as the legendary ‘video nasties’ in England…”

On the 10th Day of Chudmas…
Ten Thugee Falling

Russ Says:  “Pick and choose your hated elements in Temple of Doom, but stay the fuck away from the rope bridge sequence. The setup is simple and classic; Indy’s stance, machete in one hand, whip in the other, is my favorite vision of the character, and one of the most iconic. This is a pristine example of Spielberg and Lucas bringing their beloved adventure serials back to life — the hero with treasure in hand, stuck in an impossible situation…”

On the 9th Day of Chudmas…
Nine Warriors Meeting

Devin Says:  “Can you dig it? Before things got hairy for The Warriors, this gang from Coney Island headed to the big gang meet-up with their nine original members. At this holiday time let’s remember these nine brave, subway-illiterate bangers…”

On the 8th Day of Chudmas…
Eight French Pastries

Devin Says:  “As the four of them banter in Groucho’s impossibly tiny stateroom, more and more people join the crowd (including an army of waiters, one of whom is carrying the eight pieces of French pastry Groucho ordered), until they finally come tumbling out in a torrent of limbs…”

On the 7th Day of Chudmas…
Seven Daggers of Megiddo

Devin Says:  “In Omen III: The Final Conflict (originally just called The Final Conflict, but I sort of like the franchise numbering system), jackal spawned anti-Christ Damien is all grown up and has become Sam Neill. He’s the US ambassador to England and he has his eyes on the presidency, but first he must contend with the fact that an astronomical event that is described as ‘the second Star of Bethlehem’ heralds the arrival of the Second Coming. Add to that hassle the fact that a bunch of priests have uncovered the seven daggers of Megiddo, the only things that can kill him, and he’s got quite a few problems…”

On the 6th Day of Chudmas…
Six Screaming Non-Nunziatas

Nick Says:  “’Can you do a Southern accent? You’re clearly one of the best auditions we’ve ever had but the script calls for this character to be a kid from the South.’ It may have been smoke up a 9 year-old’s ass [HOT!], but those words were uttered to me shortly after moving South from the icy expanse of New York City after I auditioned for a role in a then untitled feature film to be shot in Atlanta starring local legend Sir Kenneth McSteady-Greenheart Rogers III, esq…”

On the 5th Day of Chudmas…
Five Bickering Survivors

Devin Says:  “As Shaun’s mom lays zombifying the five remaining survivors – Shaun, Ed, Liz, Dianne and David – argue and get violent over what to do next. The comedy steps aside for a moment and things get legitimately tense and heartfelt. What’s even better is that the fight isn’t a bullshit one: you can see everybody’s side of the equation (even if Shaun and David are both coming from less than logical places as they fight). And then things get really gory…”

On the 4th Day of Chudmas…
Four Human Petris

Russ Says:  “R.J. MacReady has problems. The remaining members of the team at Antarctic research outpost #31 are tied to chairs. Petri dishes full of their blood are on a desk ready to be probed with a hot wire. We know that one of the blokes in the chairs is an alien in disguise…”

On the 3rd Day of Chudmas…
Three Paintballers Beheaded

Devin Says:  “It turns out that Jason is in fact highly decomposed worm food – but not for long. An errant lightning strike resurrects the killer,and he immediately punches the heart out of Welcome Back Kotter’s Horschack (Ron Palillo!). This is where our CHUDmas gift comes in…”

On the 2nd Day of Chudmas…
Two Bitches Leaving

Russ Says:  “Douche supreme Bob Morton (the note-perfect Miguel Ferrer) is celebrating his rise at OCP with a couple of willing ladies when Clarence Boddicker busts in to lay down a little justice courtesy of Dick Jones…”

On the 1st Day of Chudmas…
One Virgin Neckbirth

Devin Says:  “Susan Strasberg is a woman with a lump on her neck and, as sometimes happens, discovers that it contains the evil fetus of a reborn Indian medicine man. Tony Curtis is a phony psychic who gets involved, and Syrian Michael Ansara plays the good guy medicine man who helps fight the beast. As if the set up wasn’t weird enough, it includes Curtis in a wizard’s robe and fake mustache and an old women possessed by an evil spirit who not only falls down a flight of stair to her death but falls THROUGH the railing on her way down. The movie only gets stranger once the titular Manitou is born…”