entering a new age here at CHUD, with a refreshed stable of writers, a
re-energized concentration of efforts, and a focus on consistent,
knowledge-backed fun. To ring in this new era for the site we wanted to
bring you a truly special, truly memorable, truly incredible list that
characterizes what CHUD is about, and we think we’ve cooked up just the
thing.
The 25 Grossest, Most Execrable Moments in Film.
here to explore the most depraved, flinch-worthy, vomit-inducing (or
vomit-involving) moments ever put to film. We’re not interested in
simple gore and viscera here… We’re looking for the shittiest, pusiest,
cummiest, pukeiest, piss-filled scenes in the history of
motion-pictures. Some will be huge, some will be small, but they’ll all
be gross. We’ve also put an unprecedented amount of effort into
pre-planning, scheduling, and dividing the effort for this list, so
expect it to hit you every one of the next 25 weekdays (with a number of
special surprises planned for the weekends!).
So without further
ado, grab your nearest complimentary airsick bag (or maybe just a whole
trashcan) and jump into CHUD’s newest list.
DAY 7
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Brian De Palma directed this adaptation of Stephen King’s novel. It veers from the campy and comedic to the chilling, and allows De Palma to indulge his Hitchcockian fetish for shower scenes. While it’s really a pathetic tale of a girl who is just smacked around emotionally and physically until she just can’t take it anymore, its entire origin is in that very shower scene. Take it away, Stephen:
“Some woman said, ‘You write all those macho things, but you can’t write about women.’ I said, ‘I’m not scared of women. I could write about them if I wanted to.’ I got an idea for a story about this incident in a girls’ shower room, and the girl would be telekinetic. The other girls would pelt her with sanitary napkins when she got her period. The period would release the right hormones, and she would rain down destruction on them.”
Because there’s nothing ickier and weirder than a girl getting her period.
Now, let’s get one thing out of the way, readers — I didn’t nominate Carrie. However, once it survived all the elimination rounds, I volunteered to write it. So, don’t jump all over it as “Of course a girl would pick this one — bitch, it’s not even that sick.” Because a man picked it, and it is. You know it is.
But as Troy Anderson succinctly put it on Day 5, not all items on this list are going to be “terribly gross.” To make the cut, a film had to make you cringe in sympathy, shame, and squeamishness. It just had to evoke a certain something — a smell, perhaps, or a sensation. Carrie does all of that whether your male or female.
And yeah, I said a girl had to write this one. Now, I’m not going to be like Carrie’s Mom on this and scream “Shame! Shame!” I’m not going to go all “Fuck yeah, I’m one of the guys! Girls and all their functions are nasty. I’m like a dude about these things. Girls suck, don’t think of me as one.” I’m just going to be honest here about how it makes me (and hopefully you) feel. Now, let’s jump in the shower.
Carrie doesn’t know what to think at first.
Here’s the thing, gang. As a woman, your body is like a living horror movie. Again, I don’t mean this to be misogynist. Guys have plenty of gross stuff coming out of them, too. (See: This List.) Maybe for a man, it’s just as horrifying. I don’t really know.
What I do know is that as a chick, you just never quite know when your week is going to get bloody and Old Testament. You can wake up to a mess that rivals the horse head in The Godfather. You can be at a party. You can be swimming. You can be getting frisky with a significant other. You can be walking down the damn street. You can be in a business meeting and unable to excuse yourself. Now all women get pretty damn used to menstruation — some can’t stop rejoicing about it — but I just can’t be a a hippy moon
goddess “I’m in tune with the tides and the seasons!” about this. A period is never not going to be gross, stressful, and awkward. It lasts a goddamn week, and it’s not like the blood that comes out of your knee if you skin it. It’s got texture, it’s oozy, and it smells bad. How can it not?
Carrie, you know what I’m talking about, don’t you girl? Surprise! It’s great being a girl, isn’t it? Get used to it.
I bet locker rooms suddenly became distinctly unsexy. They should. Obviously, I’ve spent time in them. They’re the least kinky places on earth — as are ladies bathrooms — and periods are a big reason why.
Well Carrie, of course.
Miss Collins’ white (of course) pants also get it. Oh, De Palma!
But television networks find it gross. The blood-down-the-leg scene is often cut or obscured on television broadcasts. Period blood is right up there with nudity in the eyes of the censors. There’s volumes to be said about that. But all I’m saying here is that fluids that come out of orifices just make you shudder, and this is one of them. That’s why it’s on this list. A lot of guys won’t go anywhere near period blood or the products used to deal with it. They don’t want to talk about it. They don’t want to think about it. Frankly, a lot of women don’t either. King knew it and exploited it, and De Palma put it right up in your face.
And then Carrie killed everyone for it.
Talk about PMS, am I right?