A Nice Hard Slap – My Tea is USB Compatible!
So
I’m sitting there on a Monday morning, doing my best to kick some ass
while enjoying my morning cup of Rose of Suzhou tea (which you should
really try sometime, nothing like watching a bitch blossom in your
heated drink) when my laptop gave me an error message:
I
started to shit my pants a little, fearing that my Iphone was defeated
by God but then saw that it was fine and dandy next to me. Unplugged.
“That’s odd”, I thought. I knew my Ipod wasn’t in the room so it had to
either be my trackball or my external hard drive, neither of which was
something I wanted flaking out at this point in my life. I scanned my
peripherals [slang] and saw something odd.
My Apple USB cable was running from my laptop into my tea.
Into my goddamn drink!
No shit.
I didn’t really know whether I should unplug it and dry the cord or drink the tea with the cord in it to see if I could Tron
my way to a better life. I didn’t have time to figure it out because my
hourglass icon ran for a second before this message appeared on my
screen:
Say
what you will about Microsoft Vista (I’m a fan), but it installed my
tea’s drivers without fault. Maybe that’s actually what Microsoft and
Apple were put on this Earth to do; successfully join forces (Microsoft
Software + Apple Cord, add Sony Hardware for good measure) with the
organic world to create symbiotic organic synthesis. Together they
brought my tea from the ancient world of Chinese secrets to a very
modern, very public, very American reality.
With
the drivers installed I was able to successfully unplug my tea
peripheral and drink the living daylights out of it, and I felt nanites
and energy potions bond to my molecules and make me into a different
being. Everything you read on this site henceforth is tea-assisted, so
don’t just assume I got smartened or am repurposed. It’s the goddamn
digital tea up inside me.
–
Nick Nunziata is waiting for Tea 2.0, which addresses some of the bugs
associated with UNIX compatibility and high-end steeping features.
Before
I go, here’s the latest thing I’m adding to the blog. Each day I blog I’ll
have a song, a piece of artwork, a photo, a Mary Worth, or something to
further justify your click and to give the trolls a little more ammo. Today, a snip from one of our upcoming Art Jams.
