A Nice Hard Slap – My Tea is USB Compatible!  

I’m sitting there on a Monday morning, doing my best to kick some ass
while enjoying my morning cup of Rose of Suzhou tea (which you should
really try sometime, nothing like watching a bitch blossom in your
heated drink) when my laptop gave me an error message:

USB Device Not Recognized

started to shit my pants a little, fearing that my Iphone was defeated
by God but then saw that it was fine and dandy next to me. Unplugged.
“That’s odd”, I thought. I knew my Ipod wasn’t in the room so it had to
either be my trackball or my external hard drive, neither of which was
something I wanted flaking out at this point in my life. I scanned my
peripherals [slang] and saw something odd.

My Apple USB cable was running from my laptop into my tea.

Into my goddamn drink!

USB Device Not Recognized

No shit.

I didn’t really know whether I should unplug it and dry the cord or drink the tea with the cord in it to see if I could Tron
my way to a better life. I didn’t have time to figure it out because my
hourglass icon ran for a second before this message appeared on my

Driver Installed Successfully

what you will about Microsoft Vista (I’m a fan), but it installed my
tea’s drivers without fault. Maybe that’s actually what Microsoft and
Apple were put on this Earth to do; successfully join forces (Microsoft
Software + Apple Cord, add Sony Hardware for good measure) with the
organic world to create symbiotic organic synthesis. Together they
brought my tea from the ancient world of Chinese secrets to a very
modern, very public, very American reality.

the drivers installed I was able to successfully unplug my tea
peripheral and drink the living daylights out of it, and I felt nanites
and energy potions bond to my molecules and make me into a different
being. Everything you read on this site henceforth is tea-assisted, so
don’t just assume I got smartened or am repurposed. It’s the goddamn
digital tea up inside me.

Nick Nunziata is waiting for Tea 2.0, which addresses some of the bugs
associated with UNIX compatibility and high-end steeping features.

I go, here’s the latest thing I’m adding to the blog. Each day I blog I’ll
have a song, a piece of artwork, a photo, a Mary Worth, or something to
further justify your click and to give the trolls a little more ammo. Today, a snip from one of our upcoming Art Jams.

Art by Nick Nunziata