Uncle Mitch wants youNO TV MOVIES IN DEADWOOD? 

After teasing you cocksuckers that read this column with shout-outs to Deadwood and yet providing no news on the greatest show to ever fucking air on HBO (Note from God: No.), I’m pleased to finally provide you godless heathens with some news about everyone’s favorite profanely Shakespearean western. Unfortunately, it’s not good news: A spokeswoman for the cable network told Maureen Ryan of The Chicago Times that the two tv-movies which will wrap up the events of the series will, in all likelihood, not air until 2008. Deadwood creator David Milch is busy with his surf-noir series John from Cincinnati and has postponed work on the movies until John’s first season wraps. However, according to Deadwood actor W. Earl Brown (Dan Doherty), he has not been approached with a contract for the films, and claims the movies “have yet to move beyond mere rumor.” I’m going to say this once, and once only, except, of course, when I say it again: HBO, you’ve already fucked up with Deadwood by slashing budgets and dragging your feet, allowing what could have been the next Sopranos to slip through your fingers. Don’t screw this up again. Do right by Deadwood, cocksuckers. (If I were a character on Deadwood, I would be Charlie Utter.) 


Contrary to what USA Today reported this week, the creatively compromised private-eye Veronica Mars is has not been cancelled – at least according to Daddy Mars himself, Enrico Colantoni. Colantoni took a break from playing Celine Dion’s husband Rene Angelil (to which I say “the fuck?”) to tell the Toronto Star that “Nobody knows anything” when it comes to the fate of Mars. However, Colantoni says the proposed “revamp” of the cult television show that was, for a time, the best show you weren’t watching (until it turned Jason Dohring into a big pussy in desperate move after desperate move to attract Gilmore Girls viewers) is d.o.a. “We shot ten pages and the reaction was ‘That’s not our show,’” he said. Good – that idea could have worked, but it wouldn’t have been the Veronica Mars I fell in love with. You know, the show that had the cojones to name an episode about child abuse “Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner.” Here’s hoping that a) Enrico isn’t blowing smoke about the season finale being a return to form, b) the CW holds onto Veronica for one more season, c) Rob Thomas stops trying to be Gilmore Girls, and d) said CW gives Mars a decent partner on a decent night. Like, say, Supernatural. 


Before he was known as the Rush Limbaugh of the Liberal Left (at least, according to the ‘ever-reliable’ New York magazine. The more I read that magazine the more I agree with Devin about its consistent suckosity), Keith Olbermann made a career out of being snarky about sports – so much so, that Aaron Sorkin chose to base Sports Night on the Patrick/Olbermann years of SportsCenter. Now, Variety says the Countdown anchor is making a triumphant return to the field – if by triumphant return you mean “one of many co-hosts/analysts of Football Night in America. 

FNA, NBC’s Sunday Night sports show, is co-hosted by Bob Costas (a sportscaster, just like John Gotti’s a murderer) and Chris Collingsworth. Olbermann will be responsible for calling the highlights, which is fantastic, and participate in studio banter. I’m going to come right out and say this: I fucking hate football with a fiery passion, and I promise you that has absolutely nothing to do with growing up in the Northeastern Ohio version of the town from Varsity Blues. I’m a baseball guy (A month into the season and already the Washington Nationals can go suck a fuck. Thanks a lot, team!), and very occasionally a basketball fan as well. However, I’m one of these guys who have come to respect and admire Olbermann for his work on Countdown over the past couple of years, so maybe – just maybe – I’ll put my hatred for the game that’s wussified rugby aside and watch a few games of Football Night in America. 


Okay, really now: What is going on with Ken Burns’ The War? As reported in THUD last Sunday, PBS’s most famous producer has recently come under fire for the lack of Latinos and Native Americans in his “not comprehensive” World War II documentary. On Tuesday, it was reported that Burns had decided to re-edit the film to include the contributions of those groups instead of running segments during breaks and at the end of each episode. Burns has also hired a Texas documentarian to help him produce new material – but then on Wednesday, PBS turned around and said that Burns wasn’t editing The War to incorporate the new material, despite prior claims that said material would be “seamlessly” edited into the documentary. 

I don’t know if that means if PBS has taken The War away from Burns or if he’s continuing to dodge the press over this, but seriously. It’s getting to the point where the negative press over this is going to soon out weigh any positive reviews your documentary may get. I maintain that if Burns is going to be PBS’s premiere documentary filmmaker and if he’s going to keep making these documentaries that – although he claims they aren’t – appear to be comprehensive histories of subjects for popular consumption, he should at least make an attempt to be comprehensive. However, I agree that any decision about the editing of The War should come from Burns, and Burns alone – the film is his, and he, as an artist, should have final say over what’s in it. If he wants to let the work ignore the contributions of over half a million Americans, fine. But it’d be nice to at least hear why, beyond some silly-assed excuse that it’s “not comprehensive.” Come on, PBS. Get your shit together. 


Isaiah Washington, star of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy, has removed himself from the 2007 Emmy race, reports Variety. Washington, who’s had what Chas Tenenbaum would charitably describe as “a rough year”, decided not to submit himself for consideration in the Best Supporting Actor in a Drama category – despite the fact that every other co-star on the show has done so. I don’t know if this is his way of doing penance for his actions, or if he simply wants to avoid another high-profile fracas like this year’s Golden Globes, but I hope it’s the former and not the latter. Still, I think this is a kind of classy move on Washington’s part and I’m actually a little annoyed about it – as his Dr. “I am” Preston Burke is one of the best things about Grey’s, which is quickly descending into new levels of crappiness. There are fins in the water, people. There are fins in the water. (She’s not goddamn six, O’Malley. She can dress her own damn self.) And as for Grey’s and the Emmys, if Chandra Wilson loses this year, I will personally drive to Hollywood and hurt people.