I take photos of dumb shit. Some of you do too (submit yours HERE). Life’s too short and there’s too many dumb things out there to allow it going unnoticed or people not getting called out for it. This is where I shine a light at fools, loons, hypocrites, and in many instances my own dumb self. If you dig this, please share it on FB and Twitter (links right above this) or participate in our message board thread devoted to it.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT

1. Desperation now has a physical embodiment.

Imagine the set of circumstances, bad decisions, and tragic individuals it would require to approximate this perfect storm of awful. To even fathom why a Waffle House would be open between the hours of 12pm and 1am boggles the sanest of minds, but to take food from this place is catastrophic. It’s the kind of thought that threatens generations. You have to make a saving throw just to get inside the place. I only hope that this is a ploy by the government to mass execute the .1% of the most toxic humans on the planet. For the sake of us all.

 

2. The hastily applied, wrinkled, and tattered beacon of truth.

 
“I hate this kid in my hole.”


“A life’s a life, Susan. Probably shouldn’t have fucked Joey Tums at the Drive-Thru.”



“I can’t bring this son of a bitch into America. I just can’t. There’s a Blackhouse¬† in the White House.”



“Right, so even though you abhor abortion the shoe is on the other foot.”

 

“True. It’s like when I loved the right to bear arms but then it backfired when Daddy shot up the A&P.”

 

“So you’re going to go through with this mini-slaughter?”

 

“Duh! Unless, like, I see a bumper sticker that suggests otherwise.”

 


3. …and the Beasth.

There are typos. And then there are typos.

 

4. I’m pretty convinced that’s not really who I was playing poker against.

It doesn’t concern me that Ray Charles is dead as all fuck. It doesn’t even bother me that his profile pic portrays him in his prime, I’m just upset that a blind dude beat me in cards.

 

5. This is a serious honor.

I mean, there can’t be more than like 16 or 17 thousand aquarium reality shows. Right?

What are these guys so proud about? You don’t see the dudes from the #1 Astronauts in Drag show bragging? Or the dudes from the #1 Cactus Taming show with their chests all puffed out strutting around town. Shit, even those dudes with the highest rated Oxen Shaving show keep it real.

 

6. It’s always some dick in a Mercedes.

If ever there was a candidate for a stray asteroid impact.

 

7. Now you can afford to get a Groupon!

His/Hers Fuckgrease. On sale. At Target. If that’s not America, nothing is.

 

8. Jet Magazine opened up a sex shop.

It’s not profiling if every black dude you know has an amazing dick.

 

9. What are they advertising?

Because if there’s any celeb who’s facing overexposure…

 

10. I’m waiting for the Weinsteins to lock the rights up.

Unless there’s a big twist I think I know how this ends.

 

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