I just thought I’d congratulate you on the best pitch ever put up on CHUD:

`How do you say "poop" in Greek? To Kako.`

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but apart from evil, that actually
does mean poop. Once more, you had me in tears. And yes, I agree the
film is a big ole basket of rancid bear shit, with a card on top that
reads "Ha! Fuck you, all your $24.98 dollar belong to us!"

BUT it’s all gravy, between God Of War II and 300, we Greeks are riding
a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it trend wave. Yay. My angry naked pederast
ancestors are cool. Sigh…

Nick: The Greeks make great salads and mythology. After that, there’s To Kako and the guy in the tight black socks and shorts that reveal his ballmarks sitting outside the Starbucks sipping espresso.



I just read the article on Jagged Alliance. Congratu-fuckin-lations. As
a loyal chewer for going on 10 years now(Has it really been that long
since Brian Koukol joined this site? I followed him over from his
website.) I can say without reservation that I think you will do the
material justice. Your new found success with MEG, Grizzly Park, and
hopefully 11 Colonels ATTACK! and now Jagged Alliance is well over due.
Just don’t forget us little people when you get to the top of the
mountain my friend. Yes, you are weird but that’s why all of us chewers
identify with you. We are all a little weird and I wouldn’t want it any
other way.

Nick: Just wait until the next two projects are announced. They ought to sufficiently blow minds and make the haters hate MUCH more. As for my ‘success’, let’s wait until people see the finished products. Grizzly Park is a blast and a fun horror comedy, but it’s written and directed by my pal Tom Skull and isn’t a film that came from my mind (though there’s one extra lingering shot of a quivering bloody head stump that’s my doing). I have high hopes for Jagged Alliance and the more discussions we have the better I feel. One thing to the people who are afraid it’ll be Uwe Boll Proto-Excrement: No.

Essential! (SEND A LETTER)


Of course The Thing makes the
essential film list. I was just wondering when you’d add it. What I
feel compelled to respond to is the "warm blanket" factor, because when
recommending it to first-timers, I refer to it as "a warm blanket of
guts." Every time get lines into my head, I remember first seeing it
with my dad on WATL 36 back in the day, or finally being able to bring
the DVD home to watch for xmas time. If I’m around the house, I’ll
burst into the room and yell "Mac wants the flamethrower!!!" at my
dad. My best friend and I have plans for a Thing Party (in which
guests watch the movie on a particularly cold night and have to prepare
their own snacks…just to be safe).
Now, I’m just waiting for Space Truckers to make the cut. I didn’t realize how loaded that DVD is!

Nick: Space Truckers is a blast but shy of the mark. Hope you respect us in the morning. The next list begins a week from this Monday.



dear Hi and
Good Morning to you first i would like to know if you might have some
kind of a TV Photo Gallery on your web site if you do then would you be
able to put up some DVD SCREENCAP PICTURES of Gilligan’s Island MRS
HOWELL (Natalie Schafer) as when she play CINDERELLA in that episode
#87 Title LOVEY’S SECRET ADMIRER (1967) third Season so could you find
some of her as CINDERELLA dress in her RAGS and BALLGOWN so could you
please let me know on if you can do it.

Nick: Hills, you obviously have eyes. What you lack between them is an expanse not even Sir Francis Drake could traverse in his spiffy seaworthy clipper.



Almost everyone in the western world is "involved"  with China in some capacity, whether through the purchasing of goods made in  China, through family relations, through culture, etc.
Spielberg is cooperating with the government,
. Is
the Chinese state morally misguided? Of course, on many aspects.
Is it evil? No. It is a self-serving organism.

Many U.S. administrations have been morally
corrupt. Should people from other countries not support future games in the US,
because of some human rights issues they’ve trampled on in the name of
civilization and democracy?

Of course not.

He is cooperating on the Olympic Games. Its a
damned sports tournament that everyone in the world participates in, in the name
of good will and cooperation.

Hitler had them, God damn it.

And remember the look on his face, when African
Americans beat out his refined athletic supermen.

Nick: Spielberg has as good a chance as any of our leaders to bridge the gap of differences between us round-eyed fatties and our contemporaries across the globe. Then again, that’s probably not his mission.

Grumpy Pass Receipt. (SEND A LETTER)


I really appreciate the free movie tickets that y’all give out! I
really do, but I must say that sadly I came home at 3pm to find 3 passes to TMNT
(all time favorite). I was so excited, but then I realized that the movie
was at 10:30am today. The tickets arrived after the movie!!! :( The
postmark was March 15th and today is the 17th. 2 days isn’t enough time to
get from GA to NC

Nick: I was traveling and didn’t get back in time. Plus, it takes a long time to do all of that stuff. I got a few emails from other folks in your town who I sent tickets to on the same day who saw and enjoyed the film. Keep sending in requests and hopefully it’ll work out.

For Whom the Tobin Bell Tolls #2. (SEND A LETTER)


"These are safe for work, except for the second one, which
features the face of Tobin Bell. It also features a hot chick hitting
on Tobin Bell, which may not be safe for sanity."
If you were trying to look cool by saying the most random thing
possible in a 7th grade hallway, bravo. If you were actually trying to
write something semi-professional, something went terribly wrong.

Next time try to have a little respect for yourself.

Nick: Show me your boobies.

For Whom the Tobin Bell Tolls #1. (SEND A LETTER)


I recently read your article on Decoys: The Second Seduction "Exclusive Decoys 2 Clips".
I usually don’t write emails like this, but when something seriously
upsets me, I feel it appropriate to say something. I was more than
slightly offended by this comment: "It also stars Saw’s Tobin Bell, who
really reminds me of Brion James. And yes, I mean James today, eight
years after he died."

You just back slapped one of the most
talented and sweetest men of the business. I understand it is your
column, your opinions, fine, but I don’t believe blatant rudeness to be
appealing (especially when it is beyond inaccurate – wow).

I would ask that the article be re-written, but since I have no
doubt that request will be scoffed at, all I can really say is that
tastefulness in the future would be appreciated.

Nick: We have pimped Tobin Bell since WAY before the SHITTY Saw films came into existence. He was always a character actor I mentioned when I needed to pull one from right field, an actor I admire but one who most people didn’t know of. This site is built on a foundation of smarts, smarm, charm, and off-color remarks. You probably showed up through a Google search of Tobin Bell slashfic and that’s too bad for you.

Now, please show me your boobies!

Discuss the Leak Letters here.