You win, ok, Ice Cube? You win. I’ll buy the limited edition of Laugh Now, Cry Later with the bonus DVD. I’ll proclaim you the greatest West Coast rapper of all time. I’ll say or do whatever you want. Just step away from the slate of projects you have lined up….slowly. Real slow. No crazy sudden moves, Cube. I mean, you’ve been making a lot of crazy moves lately. You’ve descended into kiddie flick hell with this Are We There/Done Yet? franchise. You’ve descended even further into the dark realm of chitlin’ plays by co-producing and starring in David E. Talbert’s First Sunday (when do Next Sunday and Sunday After Next get the greenlight, I wonder?). You’re remaking Welcome Back, Kotter. Now, on top of all of that, you’re teaming up with the director of Coach Carter to do something that’s likely even more hackneyed and absurd than that sorry excuse for a movie. Usually when people sell their souls, they get something good in return, don’t they? Maybe Jerry Heller did the contract between you and ole’ Scratch? That would explain a lot.
It’s the last one that’s killing me, Cube. You’re doing this Tough Love movie about a “tough as nails” NFL player who realizes that his kids are spoiled brats and decides to send them out on the streets of Oakland where he grew up to in order to straighten them up. Of course, along the way the NFL player realizes he might have some things to learn about life as well, and by “along the way,” I mean the two nanoseconds it should have taken him to realize that sending your kids into the streets simply for being spoiled is a fantastically misguided and dumb attempt at parenting. It’s not like that’s a good story, but to grab the director of Coach Carter to helm this, Cube? Come on! Even Gridiron Gang had Phil Joanou. You couldn’t wait until F. Gary Gray was all done with The Brazilian Job?
But seriously, B…you gotta stop it. If you’re going to do crap for money, please make it of the Torque or XXX: State of the Union variety. In other words, keep doing ridiculously bad action films with wonky digital effects all over the place. At least that stuff’s entertaining. This? This is just sad. Aren’t the Westside Connection or Lench Mob due for a reunion right about now?