the wake of our ongoing ‘Essential’ list, we’re going to also rerun the
popular and lost to the annals of the web CHUD’s 100 BEST KILLS list,
half of which originally aired in the sadly defunct MOVIE INSIDER
magazine with the rest appearing on this here site. As the site
prepares for a ground-up redesign/reimagining/revamp/retard, here’s
your kills as requested. Five at a time every few days until the whole
100 have been revisited. Enjoy. In no particular order…
Some of these may not actually be KILLS, either due to the uncertain
fate of the victim or a lapse in movie logic. Too bad. They SHOULD be
Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight: Billy Zane makes good punch. In this fun little romp (we need a Tales From the Crypt film every year), Zane’s The Collector deals a policeman the kind of head trauma that leaves a mark. Instead of delivering the kind of smack wimps like Mike Tyson deliver, this one winds up on the other side of the victim’s head, which is pulled off for convinience as Zane fights more people by punching them with the head still attached to his fist. If only The Remains of the Day had such artistry. FUNNY!
The Fisher King: You’d not expect this mostly whimsical Terry Gilliam effort to feature a memorable kill, but it most assuredly does. In a quick flashback sequence we see the catalyst for Robin Williams’ character’s unstable mindset, the shooting death of his wife. Instead of doing traditional and sappy melodrama, Gilliam goes the other way by showing Williams get splattered in the face with his wife’s brains as the bullet sends her spiralling into the afterlife. The effect is not ulike how a sane audience member would react to Williams’ own Patch Adams or Jack. DISTURBING!
The Abyss: Suffering from the worst case of cabin fever ever known to man, Navy SEAL Michael Biehn (pronounced "bean") hi-jacks Ed Harris’ super sub and decides to take a trip. However, unlike a trip you or I would take to, say… the beach, Mike decides to go to the bottom of the ocean. There he falls prey to a severe case of the Queen/David Bowie tune Under Pressure. SHOCKING!
The Onion Field: You can count the number of times a movie character gets shot in the lip on one horrifically mutilated claw, but this early James Woods flick is up to the task. While based on a true story (was the real-life sap shot in the smile as well?), the real capper is that the slain is portrayed by none other than Ted "I survived Shelly Long AND Kirstie Alley" Danson. That’s like finding money in an old pair of pants. I’m sure you, like myself, all await the Lip-Shot Ted Danson McFarlane action figure. DISTURBING!
Ghost Ship: Cruising the open sea is an amazing and enriching adventure to partake of. Unless of course, a stray cable cuts you and your cruisemates in half as one does in this Dark Castle horror romp. While dancing on the deck of the Antonia Graza, an entire group of people bisected to grisly effect as the aformentioned wire of hate slashes through the deck and spoils their favorite outfits by sending innards, bone, and blood gushing out. While obviously a ploy by the ship’s profit hungry laundry crew, it’s still a cool scene that the rest of the film can’t live up to. SHOCKING!