I like The Hollywood Reporter a lot more than Variety simply because it doesn’t cockblock its information, use ridiculous lingo no one needs, and think their information should come at such a premium. My tiny rebellion was in subscribing to them and intentionally taking advantage of their print editions even though they were beyond useless by the time they arrived in Atlanta. I truly enjoy throwing that shit away unread.

Sometimes both trade publications really rub my ass raw. Anyway, this isn’t about me.

This is about fuck.

Because while many publications focus on gossipy nonsense to appease whatever dark lord they answer to, there are limitations. Oftentimes I’ll see a baffling THR news story come up and dismiss it. Sometimes I’ll smartass them on Twitter, which is like throwing a marshmallow at a werewolf in terms of toughness and effectiveness.

But today they really put their pee pee in the figurative hornet’s butt. Their headline:

Rihanna ‘Better’ After Battling the Flu

Are you kidding me? First of all Rihanna is sort of a nightmare person. Secondly, what celebrities do in their private lives is just that. Thirdly, the flu is not news. Especially when it ends in the flu being defeated. If she caught the flu and suddenly her tits blew off and hovered over the sea for a week, THAT would be news.

Rihanna’s Sea Tits Still Mid-Atlantic

But otherwise this is a ludicrous waste of time and resources.

Not unlike this article you’re reading now.