http://chud.com/nextraimages/oscarchewer.jpgIt’s Hollywood’s prom night and I’m facing it sober. I’m your host tonight, live from Brooklyn, while Nick and the boys put together a podcast. Let’s hope they have a little booze available.

If you’re interested in checking out my picks for who is going to win and who deserves to win, check out the five part Countdown to Hatred series: Best Screenplays, Best Supporting Actor/Actress, Best Actor/Actress, Best Director and Best Picture.

The actual show begins at 8:30 eastern, and I’m going to come back and start the coverage in earnest then…

NOTE! Our server took a quick dump. Hopefully it’s the only one tonight, but be patient if we go down again.

12:14 - OH THANK GOD IT’S NOT LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. But wait, thank God that it’s a damn fine film winning Best Picture. It’s a good night that ends like this. Now I’m crashing.

12:13 - The big moment…

12:12 – It was a little weird having Lucas up at that triumverate of the 70s moment. He’s just not a great director, and he’s seemingly not interested in being one. Say what you will about Coppola and Spielberg, but they go out there and swing for the fences quite often.

12:08 - Ding. Scorsese. But him getting the award from three guys of his time is a great moment for Oscar history. And that standing ovation! Could this be any better? Yeah, it could have come decades ago.

12:07 - George Lucas should do comedy, not direct.

12:04 - Ding. Whitaker.

11:58 - Am I late to this…? Did everyone know there was a Pogues song in a Cadillac commercial????

11:54 – Ding. Mirren.

11:52 - Finally, we’re down to the final four. Three of these should be easy – Mirren, Whitcaker and Scorsese.

11:45 - Don’t fear the reaper. He’ll get you a spot in the Oscar Corpse Montage. Also, I think Don Knotts just got more applause than Glenn Ford.

11:42 – OK, I love Thelma. I love The Departed. But the movie has some of the sloppiest editing I have seen on ANY major release this year! What a shocker. How sad to see Children of Men getting shut out.

11:39 - I have no fucking clue what the point of this montage is. I thought it was Down With White Men at first, and now I’m just completely confused.

11:29 - Oh my God. What a snub for Dreamgirls. What a ridiculously incorrect decision. This is fucking ridiculous. I can’t even make a snarky comment about this.

11:27 - Beaming proud Bill Condon! The Dreamgirls medley was fantastic – it’s so rare a musical adaptation has original songs as strong as those.

11:24 – And Hudson is outsigning Beyonce on her own song!

11:22 - Holy jubblies, Jennifer Hudson.

11:16 - Holy crap, I’m running out of steam! And so is this show, even with the best categories coming up. And by the way, I am loving these shadow people.

11:13 - Of course fucking Little Miss Sunshine takes it Best Original Screenplay. Grrr.

11:08 – Oh well, I guess the Pan’s sweep has ended. Truly a bummer. I don’t like seeing Babel win anything tonight.

11:06 - Volver-ine? Sweet Christmas.

11:00 - Clint’s doing the type of translating that’s suspicious – Morricone says so much and Clint says so little.

10:58 - D’oh. Another outage just erased some posts of mine. No big loss.

10:51 – Quick and to the point – Al Gore has done a great job tonight. Wouldn’t it be nice if it made a difference and America started doing something about climate change.

10:47 - I’ve traveled back in time to the show’s opening monologue, but all of a sudden Jerry Seinfeld is hosting. And I like it!

10:45 - Wait, they said Thomas Lennon. This guy was never in The State.

10:44 - Eva Green looks like a hot goth girl after a long night out. Love it!

10:40 – I guess we are just getting hammered… I am having a hard time finding a window between downtimes to get these little updates even posted.

10:33 – Hahaha, they did Snakes on a Plane with the shadow dancers!

10:30 - Pan’s sweep is ended by the excellent Lives of Others taking the Best Foreign statue. It’s no travesty, but it’s hard not to feel really bad. Guillermo deserved the hell out of that Oscar.

10:27 – The international cinema montage lists it as The Bicycle Thief, while the new Criterion edition is The Bicycle Thieves. Everyone calls it by the Criterion name now, as if that was what we always called it… it’s nice to see that I’m not nuts and that it was once known in the singular!

10:22 - Was there ever a doubt that Pirates would take FX?

10:20 – Robert Downey Jr takes the much-deserved bow for that self-deprecating joke.

10:15 - The only win that could sate my bloodlust was Pan’s… making that film 3 for 3 so far. Three more to go for a sweep!

10: 13 – If Children of Men doesn’t win Cinematography, I am going to have to murderize someone.

10:11 – The Ellen/Eastwood/Spielberg photograph thing is pretty terrific.

10:10 – The internet movie geek excitement over Sherry Lansing getting the Humanitarian Award seems to have crashed CHUD again!

10:03 – I thought Marie Antoinette was more than a little brilliant… and how can you fault the costume designer of Barry Lyndon?

10:01 – OK, the living mannequins are weird, but I like them. Who dressed the dog?

10:00 – The rumors have Ann Hathaway being a lesbo with a costar… and she just came out holding hands with Emily Blunt. Please please please please!

9:53 – The site is down right now, but I can tell our message boards are filled with anger about the announcer calling Infernal Affairs a Japanese film. Good for William Monahan on winning for his Japanese adaptation! I don’t think he was joking about the valium, by the way.

9:49 - I hope that montage is as close as Nancy Myers gets to the Oscars.

9:45 - Finally, Mad Max gets its due.

9:43 - Jack Nicholson has turned into Colnel Kurtz.

9:36 - Jerry Seinfeld is unimpressed by Al Gore. I’m unimpressed with the idea of getting environmental advice from the Academy. I am impressed with Leo and Al Gore’s Brokeback Mountain vibe.

9:31 - I’ve seen fire, and I’ve seen rain, but I’ve never seen a tube of Rogaine. Also, it barely needs to be said, but this song is TERRIBLE, and is only nominated under the Automatic Randy Newman Inclusion Clause.

9:26 - I was just promised a shadow dancer recreation of Letters From Iwo Jima!

9:23 - The first upset of the night. Eddie Murphy will now unleash Norbit 2 on us in vengeance! Also, he would have had a better speech than Alan Arkin. I love the guy, but hate seeing old men cry.

9:21- Holy crap. Almost an hour in before we get to the first award anyone cares about!

9:18 - Jessica Biel is twice the man James MacAvoy is.

9:17 - Whether you liked the show so far or not, Bub Asman was the most boring shit yet.

9:13 - OK, this sound effects choir is hilarious and amazing. Fuck you if you disagree.

9:07 – Breaking scoop via IM!

My friend: well, you can tellyour readers
My friend: that cameron diaz is wearing my prom dress

9:01 – Jaden Smith definitely got his dad’s charisma. And I think he’s a better actor than his nominated co-presenter.

8:58 – Holy crap! Two for Pan’s! The first two of the night! This is shaping up to be a pretty good Oscars after all.

8:56 – But then John C Reilly makes it all work.

8:53 – Will Ferrell’s song is sort of wonderful. And then Jack Black shows up.

8:47 - Art direction for Pan’s Labyrinth! One down and five to go!

8:45 - I appreciate the choir simply because it utterly gobsmacked the audience.

8:41- Ellen Degeneres throwin’ em softly down the center.

8:35 - Errol Morris’ nominee short was a much nicer opening than I expected. But Ellen Degeneres is coming, so I expect it to get pretty bad pretty fast…

8:28 - fewerperiods.com? Is loseweightwithcancer.net next?

8:23 -
The Three Amigos are funny and friendly – how can you not love them? We’re pushing for you, Guillermo.

8:16- Eddie Murphy likes Pluto Nash? OK, now I’m against him winning.

8:08 - Devil Wears Prada‘s costume designer is a MILF – Mummy I’d Like to Flame.

8:05 – The red carpet pre-show is so dull, unless you wonder how they make it last so long. E starts their coverage at 6, and at 8 the same people they were talking to are appearing on ABC. I know the space where the Oscars are held, and it doesn’t take 2 hours to walk it.

Also, why is Andre Leon Talley dressed like a 19th century magician in this piece where he’s taking Jennifer Hudson shopping? And why is Hudson dressed like Snow White by way of The Wiz?