Cameron may have proven that Jesus did not rise from the dead. Yes, the guy who directed Piranha II: The Spawning.

I’m going to give you a second to let that sink in.

27 years ago, Israeli construction workers found an ancient tomb. Inside were sarcophagi; a decade later the names on the coffin were deciphered, and they were Jesua, son of Joseph, Mary, Mary, Mathew, Jofa and Judah, son of Jesua. Common enough names for the region and the time, but Cameron, producing a documentary directed by Simcha Jacobovici, believes to have proof that the Jesua (read: Jesus) in the tomb is none other than the Son of God, who supposedly died on the cross… and who didn’t live to sire a son with Mary Magdalene.

Cameron’s giving a press conference Monday, where he’ll talk about the DNA* and historical evidence that will be presented in the documentary. It’ll be interesting to see what he’s come up with, but it’ll be just as interesting to see the Christian response. Here’s the thing about the faithful: no matter how much proof you show them, they won’t believe what they don’t want to believe. We’re supposed to respect that sort of inane inflexibility.

If he could prove that Jesus not only didn’t ascend to heaven and had a kid but was also black, he’d definitely take home the Best Documentary Oscar next year. You know how the Academy is filled with Jewish liberal America haters.

*I get the feeling Cameron is checking the DNA against his own. That’s a God Complex joke.