few weeks back, CHUD presented to you to the
illicit Web debut of the ridiculously awful and entertaining martial arts epic DOA:
Dead or Alive
. Based on the video game series which in turn was based
lonely nerds easily satiated by digital boobs, the movie features such real
martial arts luminaries as Eric Roberts, Jaime Pressly, and fake wrestler
(No, I know wrestling is inherently fake, but he was a phony performer even
doing that) Kevin Nash battling on a remote island in tournament that is
invitation-only. Specifically, it’s an invitation courtesy of a shuriken thrown
from about 5 miles away.


But let’s not dally on the greatness/disaster that
is that film except to say that it featured Aussie stunner Holly Valance, and
with that and the Paris Hilton/Simon Rex-laden National Lampoon’s Pledge
as the only feature credits on her resume, it’s no wonder that she’s
now getting work in big movies with notable stars. And by “it’s no wonder,” I
mean, how in the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth is this chick getting cast in anything legitimate
except as T&A?

Perhaps we’ll have an answer after checking out the
new Liam Neeson thriller Taken. As we reported yesterday, the
film is about an ex-spy who has to fight to recover his kidnapped daughter from
the slave trade. Valance has reported landed a role in the flick, but there’s no
word on what she’ll be doing or what the unlock code is to put her character in
a French maid uniform. We’ll keep you posted.