Woo’s filmic return to Asia, The Battle of Red Cliff, will be the most expensive Asian movie ever, with a budget of at least 75 million dollars. At least it would technically be the most expensive if it was one movie – the film is being split into two two hour movies. For Asians, anyway.

That’s right – audiences outside of the inscrutable Orient will see a single two and a half hour long movie. Best fire up that account ASAP. Producer Terence Chang says "Asian audiences know all the ten main personalities and all the battles. The split gives us room for the set pieces and the character development." Round eyes no want character development, I guess. Actually, I know that’s the truth – American audiences will be hard-pressed to sit through a single two and a half hour subtitled movie. No wonder so many people in this country don’t believe in evolution – they’re walking proof against it.

The two Battle of Red Cliffs will premiere in 2008, just before the Beijing Olympics, when the whole world comes together to celebrate unity in a nation that spits on human rights and has none of the values of freedom we believe in. Oh, and they’re on their way to being the lone megapower on Earth. Sorry bout that! The international version doesn’t yet have a release date.