yesterday we discussed a terrible scenario where sectarian dwarf fighting broke out in Hollywood that would make the Sunni/Shia conflict look like a playground squabble: former Hollywood go-to wee person Warwick Davis going after current It Dwarf, Peter Dinklage. Experts agree we were on the verge of a full on dwarf war when The Dink was cast in The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian in just the sort of role Davis was used to getting: Trumpkin the Dwarf*.

But today the brave negotiators at Disney have averted this bloodshed by also bringing Warwick Davis on board to play Nikabrik, the Black Dwarf. The dwarf from Bad Santa, to my knowledge the only seriously working black dwarf in the industry, is probably pretty fucking pissed about this whole thing, but he just doesn’t have the strength or support to destabilize Munchkinland. If Emmanuel Lewis, who may not be technically a dwarf but rather just a stunted freak who does wield immense VH1-granted powers, got involved, things could be different.

I don’t know what Nikabrik is, but his name sounds racist for a Black Dwarf. Fucking CS Lewis.

*Not to be confused with Trumpy from The Pod People. That role is less offensive to everyone.