Old humpin.The last time Richard Gere and Diane Lane met, Gere was thumping some sensitive, wife-porking sissy on the head with a snow globe. That philandering bastard will think twice before he shows Gere’s wife the way of the French love machine again. Well, you know– if he wasn’t dead.

My, my, my how the tables have turned. Diane Lane and Richard Gere are back together, but this time Gere gets to do the wife-porking in the filmic version of Nicholas Sparks’ Nights in Rodanthe. In this timeless (read: schmaltzy and melodramatic) rom-dram, Gere dons the spectacles and lab coat of a ruggedly handsome doctor traveling to make amends with his long lost son. As Dr. Gere travels along the sandy beaches of North Carolina, he’s forced to stop at a quaint little inn to escape a storm, whereupon he meets the maritally wounded Diane Lane in a stroke of planets aligning. Cupid shoots them both straight in the naughty parts and it’s sweet, sweet chemistry as the two fall mmmm… in love.

Ick. Time to go read some James Ellroy.

Shooting is scheduled to begin in May on a screeplay adapted by the he said/she said team of Ken Hixom (City by the Sea) and Ann Peacock (Chronic -what?- cles of Narnia).