Your Mom is... Lara Croft.I don’t know if you’d heard, but with all the excitement
over Mr. Trump allowing Miss USA
keep her title, things are shaping up to be a banner day for busty, one-dimensional
ladies getting second chances.

In the secret labs of what can only be described
as the Hollywood/Video Game Consortium of Mediocre and Downright Terrible Ideas, Paramount
has also reportedly given a second chance to one Miss Laura Croft. That’s
right. The Tomb Raider franchise is getting a possible crack at trilogitization.

According to Product Acquisition Director Ian Livingstone at Eidos Interactive (the video game torch carriers of the
Tomb Raider franchise) , Paramount has agreed to
hire a scriptwriter in an effort to hash out further real-world fantasies of pixel-loving Lara
Croft fans everywhere. Obviously, the hope is to come up with something
resembling an plausible third movie.

While this is great news for studios who love subscribing to
franchises based on a diminishing law of return, it’s puzzling to perhaps all
but a small percentage of the world who were neither excited for Tomb Raider 2
or even anticipating a third. This certainly breathes some life into the black
box conspiracy of studios crying, “No money made!”, then promptly turning to back to their proclaimed celluloid black holes. Either way, there’s apparently enough faith in Tomb Raider to
expend a little capital in an actionable story expedition.

Will that mean a return of Angelina Jolie, or a sure-to-be-publicized hunt for the next tank top threatening D-cup? The world can only hold its collective breath and wait.