Roundup.jpg- Brick-chinned Ed “Your History of Violence eye scares me” Harris
has signed on to participate in the upcoming Samuel L. Jackson film The
. Sadly, it’s apparent Mr. Harris didn’t realize the movie is going to
be directed by Renny “make it shit” Harlin.

Harris will be playing a detective who takes an interest in
Mr. Jackson’s character (surprisingly, a guy who cleans up crime scenes) and gets all entangled in a big ol’ cover-up in Louisiana. Poor Mr. Jackson. All he wanted to do was
clean up blood, piss and gore.
(Note from Nick: There’s a Cedric the Entertain No Oner with that name, so expect a name change, possibly to Brains on a Floor)

- Undaunted by the relative bust of historical action films that
don’t involve pirates and squidbeards, a new film called Mortal Armor: The Legend of Galahad has just
received a director (Laurence Dunmore—The Libertine) and is slated for a summer
shoot in the UK.

Apparently, Mortal Armor: The Legend of Galahad tells the
tale of, well, Sir Galahad and his search for the Holy Grail. Somebody should
have just told him it was in Petra,
and to watch
out for the giant pizza cutters.

- Jessica Biel, dreamtime friend of many a desperate young
man, is all lined up to receive the Rising Star award from the Palm Springs
Film Festival. They say it’s because she starred in The Illusionist and Home
of the Brave
. I say all who receive any kind of nod as a “Rising Star” better
pack it up and head back to the dairy farm, because their career is about to take a quick left at obscurityville.

- Speaking of dreamtime friends, Anne Hathaway continues to
notch up films while she’s still talented, young and good looking. The latest,
titled Passengers (Note from Nick: I wish David Fincher had made his!), has grief counselor Anne giving psychological milk and
cookies to six plane crash survivors. As she develops a unique bond with one in
particular, (read: love, sweet love) the rest of the survivors all
up and start disappearin’– and you know it’s a conspiracy only Anne can solve.
Rodrigo Garcia, HBO original programming director extraordinaire, directs.