I just got an email with a “scoop” attached that is like the culmination of a great “Oh Don Piano” story. For those of you playing at home, an “Oh Don Piano”* story is where a celeb is at a junket and gets asked a bullshit, pointless question, like, “Would you do a sequel to this famous movie from your past?” and they give a total bullshit non-commital answer like, “If the script was right, sure!” and then the next day every website headline says “CELEB MAKING BLOCKBUSTER PART II!”
This “Oh Don Piano” story ends with “Sylvester Stallone says he’s not in Inglorious Bastards, the Quentin Tarantino WWII movie.” How does it start? Sylvester Stallone, obviously looking to head off CHUD’s Q&A with Joe Carnahan, has been answering questions from Aint It Cool News readers for the last couple of weeks, and one of the questions was about Inglorious Bastards. From the December 3rd edition of AICN’s “Ask Sly” event:
A long time ago there was a rumor that Quentin Tarantino wanted you, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger to star in his World War II epic "Inglorious Bastards." What are your general thoughts about the film and will you agree to be in it?
Stallone replied: I would love to work with Quentin Tarantino and had heard rumors about this World War II epic. I would be insane not to work with such a brilliant filmmaker. I was hoping to work with Quentin in his new GRINDHOUSE film, but unfortunately ROCKY and RAMBO duties prevented that from happening
Well, that seems pretty cut and dried, huh? Except no. Somehow, over the next few days that mutated into “Sly is in Inglorious Bastards.” How the hell does that happen? Only Don Piano knows.
So now IESB has asked Sly about it a Rocky Balboa press event, and – heavens to mergatroid! – he says he’s not in the movie.
IESB: Are you also working on Inglorious Bastards?
SS: No, I gotta talk to Quentin about that, I’ve been reading about that. That’s possible but I don’t know how we would get together, it wouldn’t be easy.
IESB: So Inglorious Bastards, that’s not accurate?
SS: No, no, no…
And yet again, the true professionalism and reporting power of the internet is proven. And a bunch of website get added page views because of the rumor that came from its own debunking. It’s the Three’s Company method of news gathering.
* “Oh Don Piano” is a reference to this video of a cat that makes weird noises that sort of sound like words.** It is the funniest thing in the whole world.
** This is like a living metaphor for Stallone.