Goddammit, I’m going to have to suffer through this trailer at least half-a-dozen times.

Adam Sandler, comedy hack and murderer of all a project’s potential taste or interest, has become the sad, sick nexus around which Hasbro and Columbia Pictures have reframed their Candyland film. Director Kevin Lima (A Goofy Movie, Enchanted) is still involved, but now Sandler has his tentacles wrapped around the property and will star as well as co-write and, of course, produce through his Happy Madison banner. He will surely make tens of millions of dollars from this deal.

If you’re thinking, “but this is a Candyland film, of course it was going to suck” then… well, you’re probably right. BUT it was also worth crossing our fingers that some deliciously amazing craziness was going to come out of the original form of this project… which was pitched by the screenwriters as “Lord of the Rings set in a world of candy.”

I will forever want to see that movie.

Whether it’s going to be some silly version of that with Adam Sandler mugging at the center of it remains to be seen, but since original writers Glenn Berger and Jonathan Aibel are nowhere mentioned and Sandler is co-writing with his Zohan cohort Robert Smigel, I’m sure that premise will be ditched. The lunatic ambition of making a war epic in candy is certainly out the door.

“Candy Land is more than just a game. It is a brand that children, parents and grandparents know and love. The world of Candy Land offers an extraordinary canvas upon which to create a fantastical, live-action family adventure film with a larger than life part for Adam. We are thrilled to partner with Hasbro and Happy Madison on this project.”

Let’s just all go fuck ourselves now.

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Source | Deadline