Back again so soon?  That’s what insomnia will do to you!  Luckily I have Director’s Club podcasts (one of which stars our own Rene!) and a desire to blab in written form to keep me entertained.  Anyway, onto April…




THE CABIN IN THE WOODS (dir. Drew Goddard) – I’m a horror fanatic.  The trailer looked great.  The pedigree in front of and behind the camera is solid.  The reviews are fantastic.  What more is there to say?  I’m tired of waiting for this one (almost three years now!).  Gimme, gimme!

BULLET TO THE HEAD (dir. Walter Hill) – The great Walter Hill returns to feature filmmaking with an effort starring Sylvester Stallone, Sung Kang, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Holt McCallany, Jason Momoa, and Christian Slater.  Yes please!

ESCAPE FROM M.S. ONE – Previously titled Lock-Out and MS One: Maximum Security.  The new title is a step-up from the last one and at this point I hope they just stick with one, no matter what it is.  Anyway, this is another Besson producing effort (always a plus!) and it looks like a spacebound Escape From New York with a Joe Hallenbeck-esque antihero in the form of Guy Pearce!  If that didn’t have my attention, the supporting cast certainly adds to the fun: Peter Stormare, Lennie James, Maggie Grace, etc.

SAFE – Jason Statham actioner that has a pretty great trailer lurking about the ‘net.  It looks at least as good as his remake of The Mechanic, if not better…….which sounds good to me.  We also get some James Hong, Chris Sarandon, and Robert John Burke action.

THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT (dir. Nicholas Stoller) – I love both Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Get Him To The Greek, so Nick Stoller always has my attention.  Doubly so when paired with Jason Segel like he is here.  Ticket sold.


Interlude: The Cold Light of Day sounds interesting, but I’m not sure whether it is closer to “I actually give a shit” Bruce Willis or “collecting a paycheck” Bruce Willis as of yet.  American Reunion could be fun, but I’m not holding my breath.  I’ll likely end up seeing Titanic (3D) with my wife.  Clive Owen’s Intruders also looks interesting, so here’s hoping it gets a decent release.


THE AVENGERS (dir. Joss Whedon) – Not much I can add that hasn’t been said already.  I’ve enjoyed all of the Marvel Studios projects thus far to varying degrees and it looks like I’ll probably dig this one too.  I’m hoping it’ll land on the more higher quality end of the spectrum and I think it just might.

DARK SHADOWS (dir. Tim Burton) – Alice In Wonderland was a piece of shit.  That said, it’s the only Burton film that is a total loss in my eyes (though Apes comes close).  Couple that with the source material and Timmy’s love for all things Gothic, as well as it being a passion project of Depp’s, and I think we are in for something interesting.  Even it turns out to be another trainwreck, it looks to be one of glorious proportions.  Cautiously looking forward to this.

BATTLESHIP (dir. Peter Berg) – Pure dumb fun.  That’s what I’m hoping for anyway.  The worst offense this could inflict is the be mediocre and/or boring.  Let’s hope it avoids that territory and ends up being ridiculously bonkers.  The potential is there, that’s for sure.  That said, Berg hasn’t impressed me much with his last two efforts.  I’m pulling for you, Pinker-slayer.  Don’t disappoint me, ’cause three strikes and you’re out!

MEN IN BLACK III (dir. Barry Sonnenfeld) – Here’s another May release that I am cautiously optimistic about.  I absolutely love Men In Black.  I hated the second one though.  In fact, I don’t think I’ve watched it since it hit home video.  I’ll (unfortunately) be giving it another go before this one arrives, so let’s hope the new one helps wash the bad taste away.  It has been a troubled production (to say the least), but the time travel aspect and Brolin-as-young-Jones are interesting elements.  Let’s hope they can recapture at least some of the magic from the first one.


Interlude: I like Sacha Baron Cohen, but The Dictator looks like a present day Sandler/Myers-sized shitfest.  I’m hoping that isn’t the case, but the prognosis is dire at this stage.  I’m sure I’ll end up seeing What To Expect When Expecting with my significant other.  Beyond that, May is a pretty sparse month outside of the big releases.


ROCK OF AGES – I dig musicals and I’m a bit of a sucker for hair metal.  Couple that with the talent involved and this puppy has my attention.  Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Paul Giamatti, Will Forte, Malin Akerman, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Kevin Nash(!?!?), etc……………….should be fun, if nothing else.

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN – The good looking Snow White movie.  Funnily enough, this is the one I was least interested in between the two a few months back.  Funny how much seeing footage can change one’s opinion.  Anyway, the story and visuals have my interest……………and so does the cast:  Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron, Toby Jones, Ian McShane, Ray Winstone, Eddie Marsan, Nick Frost, Bob Hoskins, etc.

PROMETHEUS (dir. Ridley Scott) – If you don’t know why, then go watch the trailer.  That should give you reason enough.  If not, then fuck off!  This is, hands down, my most anticipated release of the year………even if the cast wasn’t this awesome:  Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Idris Elba, Charlize Theron, Patrick Wilson, Guy Pearce, Logan Marshall-Green, Rafe Spall, Benedict Wong, etc.

JACK THE GIANT KILLER (dir. Bryan Singer) – As with Battleship, I’m including this against my better judgment.  I’m trusting that Singer has crafted a fun fantasy adventure out of this based solely on the fact that I like or love his other efforts.  That said, the recent previews have not impressed.  Still, like many others listed above and below, it has a nice cast:  Nicholas Hoult, Ewan McGregor, Bill Nighy, Stanley Tucci, Ian McShane, Eddie Marsan, Ewen Bremner, Ralph Brown, etc.  Come on Bryan, give us something worthy of that Harryhausen title! (UPDATE: Some smells rotten indeed!  WB just pushed this sucker back to a March 2013 release and no reason has been given.  I smell something rather stinky that requires reshoots.  Anyway, Rock of Ages has been pushed back a few weeks to take its spot.)

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER (dir Timur Bekmambetov) – Because I loved Wanted and it sounds fun.  Let’s just hope that it is.  The line-up?  Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Alan Tudyk, Anthony Mackie, Rufus Sewell, Jake La Botz, etc.

BRAVE – Pixar always has 100% of my trust, unless Cars is involved (in which case they get 75%).  They’d better come up with a better preview though, because the current one doesn’t seem to be eliciting much of a response from audiences.

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION – I really liked the first one, despite its faults.  This one looks like an absolute riot though.  Killing (or at least appearing to kill) Channing Tatum at the start?  Replacing him with Dwayne Johnson?  Cobra controls the White House and is ballsy enough to replace the American flag with their own?  Ninjas galore?  Walton Goggins?  Bruce Willis?  Ray Stevenson?  Adrianne Palicki?  RZA & Fahran Tehir?  Keeping most of the GOOD parts of the original cast (Park, Vosloo, Pryce, Lee)?  James motherfuckin’ Carville?!?!?  Yo Joe, indeed!

MAGIC MIKE (dir. Steven Soderbergh) – In Soderbergh I trust.  It seems he’s going for some sort of whacky male version of Showgirls with this one, which could be fun.  Interesting cast too: Matthew McConaughey, Joe Manganiello, Matt Bomer, Alex Pettyfer, Kevin Nash (?!?!?), and his apparent new muse (for better or worse)……Channing Tatum.  Color me intrigued.


And that about does it for April, May, and June.  Limited releases have been left off, mainly because we rarely get them where I live.  Fear not though, as they will likely appear in the inevitable fifth and sixths entries of this series of blogs.