IT COMETH!Now that you’re currently (and quite crazily) imbued with the shady score known as Tryptophan H and have made a fool of yourself with the consummation of everything, this – to put it bluntly – ain’t no time to pause.

When I was younger, more foolish and a real sense of manliness lighter, my mother, sister, father, cousins, illegitimate children, and resurrected pets in Ludlow, ME would congregate around a bottle of Kentucky’s finest and promptly carve a large, gaping hole into sudsy dishes all while managing to have a bloody good time. Afterwards, there’d be the warm, soothing, yet inevitable shouting match that usually involved massive tragedy, although we’d put aside all of our differences – and upon clearing that dirty whore of a table, we’d plan for the following day.

It’s not really about waking up at the ass-crack of dawn to wait in line for 7 hours to get a crappy, no-named 17” Plasma HDTV foisted upon you on Jesus Day so you can half-heartedly mutter, “yeah, douchebags, thanks.” No, it’s a lot like dating a heroine from a Ken Russell film – it requires planning, finesse, and a lot of pushing and pulling in hairy situations. For the few that dare arise at 3:30 am and schlep their sagging buttocks to the local stores to save a boatload of cash, the day holds much promise. But, in order to fully take advantage of a store-by-store campaign, you’d have to be like my family – planning for war.

And that’s what it is – a seemingly never ending battle to grab $9.72 Star Wars: Limited Edition DVDs with on-pack comic books (at the much distressing Wal*Mart), or even a $8.99 Click DVD (at Circuit City) from the clammy hands of someone else with your same agenda. While no medals are handed out, there will be a sense of pride. You made it, solider, and I for one, salute you.

(I should add that sales waffle faster than your sexual prowess and that if equipped, you should be checking online at one of the many places that offer up-to-the-second information regarding Black Friday – like here).

Let’s begin.


CompUSA

This sale starts at 5 AM on Friday.

Ice Age: The Meltdown is $9.99

Panasonic TH-50PX60U 50-inch Plasma HDTV – $2499.99
Olevia 32" LCD Flat-Panel HDTV (Friday 5AM-Noon Only) – $549.99
Olevia 26" LCD Flat-panel 720P HD TV – $429.99
Samsung 42" Plasma 720P HDTV – $1599.99
Sony 42" LCD Flat-panel 720P HDTV – $999.99
Zenith 50" Plasma 720P HDTV – $1799.99
LG 42" LCD Flat-panel 720P HDTV – $1699.99

Unadvertised sales – click here


J&R.com

J&R is one of the premiere stores to go if you’re smart and make NYC your habitable base. Thankfully, for everyone else, you can take advantage of their online sales, which currently rough you up below. This sale is currently ongoing (all titles ship on Thanksgiving) and runs through 11/26/06.

$10.99 DVDs:
X-Men: The Last Stand
Walk the Line (non DE)
Date Movie
The Hills Have Eyes: Unrated
Madea’s Family Reunion
Dave Chappelle’s Block Party
Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid: CE
Bring It On: All or Nothing
United 93 (non LE)
Inside Man
The Sentinel
Akeelah & the Bee
Stephen King’s Desperation
National Lampoon’s Dorm Daze 2
Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift
American Dreamz
The Omen (2006)
Reservoir Dogs: 15th Anniversary
Saw II: Special Edition
An American Haunting: Unrated
Little Man
See No Evil (pre-order)
See the other $10.99 films here

$9.99 DVDs:
Click here.

$8.99 DVDs:
Click here.

$6.99 DVDs:
Click here.

$5.99 DVDs:
Click here.

$4.99 DVDs:
Click here.

$3.99 DVDs:
Van Helsing
Chronicles of Riddick – Dark Fury
West Side Story (non SE)
Red Dragon: CE
Big Fat Liar
Hulk: SE
K-Pax: CE
For other titles – click here.


Fry’s Electronics

Not many have Fry’s by their houses. The one by me has a gigantic fucking spaceship protruding out its front. Coincidentally, that’s also where you’re going to be taking it when you drop your coins on the following sales, starting Friday at 5 AM.

$.99 DVDs (yes, ninety nine cent DVDs):
The Matrix
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
The Wedding Singer (non-SE)

$24.88 DVDs:
24: Season 4
Grey’s Anatomy: Season 2
Lost: Season 2

Panasonic 42” Plasma HDTV – $1249
Sony 46” Bravia LCD HDTV – $1999
Mitsubishi 62” LCD Rear-projection HDTV – $1497
42” no-name Plasma HDTV – $977


ANGRYWal*Mart

I’m not a fan of this store whatsoever, but you’ve gotta play with the big boys if you want to go far. Their sale starts on Friday from 5 AM to 11 AM. Expect large crowds, bellies, families, and the Intimidator flying high on your trek into the Friday early morning abyss.

$1.88 DVDs:
Wimbledon
Cat in the Hat
Hulk: SE
More than 75 titles available – so have fun hunting.

$3.44 DVDs:
What a Girl Wants
Pink Panther (2006)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
A Time to Kill
Scooby Doo 2
+ 75 more titles available ON LINE too!

$9.72 DVDs:
Star Wars: Episode IV: Limited Edition + bonus comic book
Star Wars: Episode V: Limited Edition + bonus comic book
Star Wars: Episode VI: Limited Edition + bonus comic book
X-Men: The Last Stand CE (pictured)
Click
The Sentinel
Walk the Line
RV
Fast & the Furious Tokyo Drift
The Office: Season One
The above + select titles also available at Wal*Mart.com

$598 32” LCD HDTV – no brand name specified
$988 42” Plasma HDTV – no brand name specified


Toys R Us

If you despise little children, you’ll certainly want to be here on Friday, starting at 5 AM. If you care, most Lego sets are 50% off as well.

$4.99 DVDs:
Legally Blonde
Doogal
Stuart Little: SE
SharkTale
Land Before Time
Charlotte’s Web (animated)
How the Grinch Stole X-Mas (Ron Howard version)

$7.99 DVDs:
Monster House
SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
Stuart Little 3
The Sound of Music: SE

$12.99 DVDs:
The Shaggy Dog
Eight Below
Chicken Little
Brother Bear 2
Chronicles of Narnia (non SE)
Little Mermaid: SE
Lady and the Tramp: SE


ANGRY CROWDTarget

First off, I can’t believe Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire is $3.98, especially since I paid more than triple that amount. I should have waited. That said, it’s certainly what you don’t want to do with Target, since you’ll have to compete with a rather large number of deal-bent Muthas on Friday starting at 6 AM. This sale lasts for 2 days, although don’t expect everything to be there when you roll your sorry ass out of bed at 1 PM.

$3.98 DVDs:
Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire
Memoirs of a Geisha
Batman Begins
March of the Penguins
The Notebook
Fun with Dick & Jane
The Pink Panther (2006)

$5.98 DVDs:
The 40-Year-Old Virgin
The Polar Express
The Wedding Crashers
Elf
Nanny McPhee
Pirates of the Caribbean 1
National Treasure

$8.98 DVDs:
Monster House
Click
Walk the Line
X-Men: The Last Stand

$15 DVDs:
Over the Hedge
Da Vinci Code

$16 DVD Sets:
The Simpsons: Season 8
Family Guy: Volume 3
24: Season 1
Laguna Beach: Season 2
Gilmore Girls: Season 5


ANGRYCircuit City

Like all good bargain shoppers, Circuit City is definitely a place to be come Friday morning at 5 AM. The crowds will be huge, the egos spectacular, and the savings substantial. You’ll need to put on your game face, however, since hundreds of thousands of shoppers will be battling for deal supremacy. I went last year and killed a man just to watch him die. Then I stole his DVD.

$2.99 DVDs:
Spy Game
Intolerable Cruelty
Red Dragon
Hulk: Special Edition
The Cat In The Hat
Wimbledon
Natural Born Killers: Director’s Cut
Total Recall: Special Edition
Dance With Me
Godzilla (Roland Emmerich version)
The Sweetest Thing: Unrated
Charlie’s Angels: Unrated

$8.99 DVDs:
Click: Special Edition
The Little Mermaid: Platinum Edition
X-Men 3: The Last Stand
Monster House
Chicken Little
The Polar Express
Grey’s Anatomy: Season 1
The Office: Season 1

2 for $8 DVD specials – IN STORE ONLY:
SWAT
Alien
Drumline
The Fugitive
Cape Fear
The Bodyguard
XXX
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Dirty Dancing: Ultimate Edition
A Beautiful Mind
Swordfish
The Black Book
Garden State
My Cousin Vinny
Big Momma’s House
Honey
Bad Boys II
Platoon
Cool Hand Luke
Falling Down
A Time To Kill
Behind Enemy Lines
The Pelican Brief
Devil’s Advocate: Special Edition
Entrapment: Special Edition
Anger Management
Sleepers
Pay It Forward
The Untouchables
You’ve Got Mail
8 Mile
Along Came Polly
Dazed & Confused
Hitch
X-Men
X2: X-Men United
The Longest Yard (Sandler)
Mr. Deeds
Reservoir Dogs
The Terminator
Terminator 2
Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines
Schindler’s List
The Matrix
Deliver Us From Eva
Romeo + Juliet
Riddick
The Last Of The Mohicans
Unfaithful
Meet The Fockers
Meet The Parents
Die Hard
Die Hard 2
Die Hard With A Vengeance
Something’s Gotta Give
Out Of Time
Kiss The Dragon
The Grudge
Alien vs. Predator
Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Batman & Robin
Field Of Dreams
The Thin Red Line
The Girl Next oor
After The Sunset
The Replacements
Empire
The Long Kiss Goodnight
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Bridget Jones: Edge Of Reason
The Interpreter
Super Troopers
The Wedding Singer
Austin Powers: Goldmember
Tommy Boy: Holy Schnike Edition
This Is Spinal Tap
Dumb & Dumber
Family Guy: Freakin’ Sweet Collection

$5.99 DVDs – IN STORE ONLY:
Cinderella Man
Basic Instinct 2
Ray
DOOM
Fantastic 4
Jarhead
When A Stranger Calls
I, Robot
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Underworld: Evolution
Fun With Dick & Jane
Office Space: Special Edition With Flair
Shark Tale
How The Grinch Stole Christmas
Robots
The Bourne Supremacy
RENT
Memoirs Of A Geisha
Legend Of Zorro: Special Edition
Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer

$12.99 TV on DVD sets:
Will & Grace: Season 1
Northern Exposure: Season 1 + 2
Monk: Season 1
House: Season 1
Arrested Development
The King Of Queens: Season 1
Dawson’s Creek: Season 1

$14.99 TV on DVD sets:
Friends: Season 1
Smallville: Season 1
Simpsons: Season 1
Seinfeld: Season 1 + 2
Gilmore Girls: Season 1
Entourage: Season 1
Rescue Me: Season 1

$18.99 TV on DVD sets:
My Name Is Earl: Season 1
Family Guy: Volume I – Seasons 1 & 2
Charmed: Season 1
The Boondocks: Season 1
The Shield: Season 1
Everybody Hates Chris: Season 1
South Park: Season 8
The Original Television Christmas Classics

HDTV (limit 1 per customer):
OLEVIA 32” LCD HDTV is $474.99
Polaroid 15” LCD TV is $178.99 BEFORE $50 Mail In Rebate
Proview 19” Widescreen LCD Monitor is $219.99
Polaroid 40” Flat Panel LCD HDTV with Built In Tuner is $1049.99 BEFORE $100 Mail In Rebate

Unadvertised specials – click here :
Sony 50” LCD Projection HDTV (KDF-50E2000) – $1079.99
Samsung 42" Widescreen DLP Projection HDTV (HL-S4266W) – $799.99
Sony 40" BRAVIA S-Series LCD HDTV (KDL-40S2010) – $1199.99
Samsung 50" plasma (no model # at this time) – $1799.99



ANGRY CROWDBest Buy

There’s a limit of 3 of each on any title (unless noted), so bring friends and most hated ones. Like the above retailer, there’s going to be a relentlessly huge crowd. Wits are undoubtedly needed, on top of protection, since this store is going to have the crazy rape eye for your wallet. These sales start at 5 AM.

$2.99 DVDs:
A Knight’s Tale: Special Edition
Hitch
Matilda: Special Edition
Something’s Gotta Give
Big Fish
White Chicks: Unrated
Jerry McGuire
Groundhog Day: Special Edition
Bad Boys II
50 First Dates
My Best Friend’s Wedding

$4.99 DVDs:
Jarhead
Anger Management
Men In Black II
Robots
Mr. Deeds
Kicking & Screaming
Brokeback Mountain
Master & Commander: The Far Side Of The World
Fun With Dick & Jane
The Transporter
Dave Chappelle: For What It’s Worth
DOOM
SWAT
Barbie: Magic Of Pegasus
Edward Scissorhands
Ong-Bak: The Warrior
Cheaper By The Dozen (Steve Martin)
Into The Blue
The Wedding Date
X2: X-Men United
XXX
Meet The Fockers
Fight Club
Super Troopers
A Beautiful Mind
Dazed & Confused
Bridget Jones: Edge Of Reason
Charlotte’s Web
The Cat In The Hat
Crash
Tyler Perry: Madea Goes To Jail
SAW
Munich
Van Helsing
American Pie 2: unrated
2 Fast, 2 Furious
The Girl Next Door
Dodgeball
Moulin Rouge
Wimbledon
The Hulk
Man On Fire
The Sandlot
Field Of Dreams: Anniversary Edition
Ice Age
Apollo 13: Anniversary Edition
Layer Cake
You Got Served
Memoirs Of A Geisha
The Bourne Supremacy
Underworld: Evolution
Zathura: Special Edition

$7.99 DVDs (Limit 1 per customer):
Click
Mission: Impossible 3 (non CE)

$9.99 DVDs:
Benchwarmers
The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift
Madea’s Family Reunion
Monster House
Inside Man
X-Men 3: The Last Stand
The Office: Season 1
Will & Grace: Season 1
Arrested Development: Season 3

$14.99 DVDs:
Seinfeld: Season 5
Seinfeld: Season 6
Entourage: Season 2
Friends: Season 1
Smallville: Season 4

$19.99 DVDs:
My Name Is Earl: Season 1
CSI: Season 3
Prison Break: Season 1

HDTV – LIMIT of 1 per customer:
Advent 15” LCD TV is $129.99
Westinghouse 42” LCD HDTV (HD – Ready) is $999.99
Westinghouse 32” LCD HDTV is $479.99
Toshiba 50” Plasma HDTV is $1699.99

Unadvertised: Panasonic 42" Plasma HDTV (TH-42PX60U) is $999.99



TITLE CARDLike what you’ve been privy to? If so, feel free to drop me an e-mail –

chud.special.edition@gmail.com

- or perhaps tell me which deals I neglected to mention? I’ll attempt to update it throughout the coming hours so that you’re fully prepared for battle whenever you decide to wake up. As always, I’d recommend the old maxim that frisky significant others seem to hate, the earlier the better. Good luck, and Happy Thanksgiving.