The short list of technological terms to understand going out dancing:

10:45 PM: The perfect time to show up at The Short Stop (for me). The line out front (which I can shank regardless, regardless) is never that bad, the DJ is just getting ready to hit his stride, and I’m usually going to get at least a song or two to which I can get down on it in full showcase mode. Coleman Francis, my nerdy but attractive Red Zone Cuba friend will often share the floor with me at this time.

1 AM: The moment the dance floor gets to maximum skeezy. Though this can happen earlier (Friday night it started around 11:30), generally around one men start realizing they have less than an hour to put themselves in a position to take someone home.

1:35 AM: If a girl wants to get fucked, she will throw herself at you around this time. Subtlety is out the window at this hour. If she wants a dick, she might want yours.

Binary: one or zero is the binary system, to which all coding is done. It is also the yes/no to which I spend all night judging every single woman I see as a single man.

Chewbaccas: Tall guys with no sense of rhythm. See also 99.5% of all tall guys. The problem with them is that they’re usually so used to being the only tall people in their universe (hence, Chewbaccas) that they will raise their arms up and use them while dancing. The problem is twofold. One, using the arms as they do emphasizes the fact that they have co-ordination problems (hands up is good for moments when songs say shit like “throw your hands up”). And, even worse, two: when there are other tall people around (such as myself) the idea of hands/fists being thrust about with no great sense of co-ordination coming near one’s face turns a dance floor into an obstacle course. I was concerned this evening that if one Chewbacca hit me in the face, I would have to punch him in the face, and get kicked out.

Circle, The: When a group of friends come to a dance club, they often start a circle. There are a number of reasons for this, but primarily it’s not about being good at dancing, and therefore, allowing “ironic” dancing to take center stage, or – even worse – breakdancing. The problem with this is that the circle will often take up valueable dance flor space with negative space, which is frustrating when it starts getting crowded. The problem also is that a lot of people who are the dance floor are happy – delighted even – any chance they might have to not dance. But for those who want to dance, the circle represents the least attractive part of going out dancing.

Ginger Mountain: A tall redheaded woman. 

Personal Space: something that gets treated with less and less respect as the night goes on. I am a very tall man, with enough weight to theoretically pose a threat to people’s safety. I will use a strong arm to back people off if I feel uncomfortable. There are two sides of this coin. Women and men. When dudes crowd, I assume drunkenness, and a strong arm comes into play, or the reduction of movement to nothing. But with women, the dance floor is what it is. If a girl keeps backing herself into me, I must assume that she is comfortable wih my penis conceivably rubbing against her backside, and in that interaction becoming possibly stimulated. I always give this the “one accident” test. Or, that is to say, there is nothing more than contact until the appropriate time has passed until the act can be nothing but pre-meditated. That said, one can plant one’s feet and not take up much more space than the box o which one creates with one’s feet. If you can move without moving you feet.

Reggae: Either warm up or cool down music. Basically, Reggae is not great for dancing, but it can either get things going, or slow them down. If it’s 12:30 and you get a half hour of reggae, you got fucked metaphorically.

Tonight, there was a bad Chewbacca, and the floor was crowded early. At least there was no circle, but the Binary was bad from the get go, and by the end of the evening, te personal space became overwhelmingly awful.