EXCLUSIVE: (New York, NY) Eagle-eyed trendspotters have noticed the recent rush by savvy producers to take every beloved movie, TV show, and pop culture character ever, and transform their stories into Broadway extravaganzas.  Having recently made his first foray into the popular 3D format with Hugo, esteemed film director Martin Scorsese is now taking a leap into musical theater, planning to reunite most of the original cast members of his 1990 mob classic Goodfellas for an upbeat jubilee sure to delight tourists and elderly white people everywhere.

Anonymous sources close to the production have circulated a rough draft of the cast album, featuring the majority of the proposed musical numbers in the show:

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                                                                 ACT ONE

  • Overture/ You Popped Your Cherry

              Paul Sorvino, Robert De Niro, Company

  • F.U.P.M.

             Ray Liotta, Company

  • I’m Gonna Go Get The Papers (Get The Papers)

              Anthony “Jimmy Two Times” Powers, Ray Liotta, Company

  • Funny How?

             Joe Pesci, Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro

  • Fuckin’ Mumbling Stuttering Little Fuck (The Oklahoma Kid)

             Joe Pesci, Michael Imperioli

  • Jew Broads

             Joe Pesci, Ray Liotta, Lorraine Bracco

  • Bobby Vinton Sent Us Champagne

             Lorraine Bracco, Ray Liotta, Company

  • Schmuck On Wheels

             Chuck Low, Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro

  • Don’t Go Busting My Balls/ Go Get Your Shine Box (duet)

              Joe Pesci, Frank Vincent

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                                                   [Intermission]

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                                                       ACT TWO

  • One Dog Goes One Way

             Joe Pesci, Robert De Niro, Ray Liotta

  • Lufthansa!

             Robert De Niro, Company

  • The Lonesome Death Of Stacks Edwards (Make That Coffee To Go)

             Samuel L. Jackson, Joe Pesci

  • Real Greaseball Shit (Revenge For Billy Bats)

            Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci

  • The Whore Living In 2R

              Lorraine Bracco, Ray Liotta

  • Carbone’s Meat Locker Soliloquy

              Frank Sivero

  • Marinara Sauce In Purgatory

             Ray Liotta, Lorraine Bracco, Paul Sorvino

  • An Average Nobody (The Great Train Robbery) (grand finale)

            Ray Liotta, Company

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Goodfellas! The Musical, coming to Broadway in 2013.

Book by Stephen Sondheim. Music by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. Stage design and puppetry by Julie Taymor.

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