We’re usually taught to respect our elders, but there have been plenty of characters in film who never quite got that memo. There’s a long and proud tradition in movies of elderly abuse and bad doings being transgressed on the 4:30 dinner crowd. This is the generation that did things like survive the Great Depression, fight the Nazis (and the Reds!), raise our parents and all too often us. One would think they’d earned a bit of consideration like guaranteed Social Security, adult diapers that don’t leak or generally not getting the shit beat out of them and snuffed like some third-rate red shirt. In this CHUD list, we’re going to take a look at a batch of old timers who, unfortunately, turned into having-a-really-bad-timers.
The Film: Crank 2: High Voltage (2009)
Buy It From CHUD
The Director: Neveldine & Taylor
The Elder: Glenda Lansing of Hawaiian Gardens
When she started her day she was just an old lady hoping to make some coin at the track. When she ended her day, well…
The Abuse: “I never saw a bastard want it so bad. He put his filthy hands all over me.”
I suppose it counts as disrespect at the VERY least. I mean there she is, minding her own business, watching the ponies, and next thing she knows there’s a bald British man saying ‘ello to tha’ guv’na’. Friction, indeed.
Lack Of Respect By: Chev Chelios
So a bit of seriousness for a moment – Crank 2 is a shitty movie. I realize that’s not popular opinion, but it pales so much in comparison to its predecessor that it’s almost impossible to believe that it came from the same guys. But that’s not to say that it doesn’t have its moments – this being one of them. For a little background, after surviving the events of the first film, Chev wakes up in the sequel with his regular organic heart replaced with an electric one. To keep his ticker ticking, he needs to keep himself charged up, well, electrically. This leads him to encounters with jumper cables, police tazers and a doggie shock collar, but when all of those outlive their usefulness, Chev has to resort to biology and good-ole’ physical contact. Namely, the static electricity that comes from rubbing skin against skin. After a brief encounter with that douchey singer guy from Linkin Park, enter Glenda Lansing…well, I dunno if he actually tried to enter her, as it were, but he certainly cased the joint, ifyaknowwhaddimean.
Did She Have It Coming? Well yeah – look at her there. Floral cardigan, blond curls just waving in the wind, that walker all standing erect. She was asking for it!
Could the AARP Have Helped? Even if they tried chances are they would have fallen victim to Captain Friction themselves. Though the Betty White-fronted commercial about it after the fact would have probably been pretty funny.
If Nature Had Taken Its Course? There’s a whole different context to this question given the subject of the article and eeeeewwwwwwwww.
What Andy Rooney Might Say: Soooo…anybody got that lady’s number?