Good Day, Nick here.
Since the late 90’s (except for 2005, which was my "dark year at CHUD.com") we’ve done a CHUD Babe Draft. It used to be a little creepier back in the day, a concept of an island populated by Chewers complete with each of these handpicked "harems" of the best and brightest and bounciest dames in Hollywood’s arsenal. Now, it’s just a fun thing for bragging rights or a chance to showcase good or really bad taste amongst a cross section of the veteran message board presences. This year I felt it’d be fun to complement the draft with a running commentary by a handful of folks, the first being Brian Wehman. His fun and sometimes freakish words follow.
Oh, and if you didn’t know… this isn’t for the straight-laced and demure readers. Nah, this is more for the raging perverts and borderline freakshows. Now here’s Brian’s commentary for yesterday’s round one.
WARNING: Lowbrow profanity and sexist comments to follow.
Much like my fellow hacker Zero Cool, I was banned from any computer for the illicit actions I can conjure up with a keyboard, but unlike Jonny Lee Miller – I am back. That may be good or bad depending on whether I have left an acid burn taste in your mouth; but like it or not, the Phantom Phreak known as Wehman rides again. I may not be the Lord Nikon of the world wide web, but I promise that my words will not cause a plague that will crash or override your system. Now grab your cereal and kill some time reading more waste of server space.
KaBlam! Round four starts off with an Original Cocktease being taken with 81st overall pick by Kirby Drummond. Not too many men alive wouldn’t want to get a hold of the pups and tart she possesses. It’s a good thing no parts got skipped in the making of this English babe. Now, if I could just get this guilty pleasure in the fastlane, both of us could have a few "OH’s" in my home state of
The good girl that leads to big trouble, Zooey Deschanel, becomes the 82nd woman selected in the 2006 CHUD Babe Draft. All the real girls want a little more than the elf-like package I got, so Ratty became a real go-getter and did not fail to launch this
Kelly who? Kelly Hu, that’s who! Striking a death blow to many drafters boards is Stew, who takes this Hawaiian beauty at number 83. I did have a growth in my pants, but it wasn’t a pain since the 38 year old took not only
Not only would I journey to the end of the night, but I would visit the peaks and valleys of thedeanbcurtis’s fourth round pick and number 84 overall – Alice Braga.
I can’t believe she survived this long, but the non-white chick Beyoncé Knowles has just made Chris Allen a happy man. I’m sure everyone fought temptation to select this dream girl sooner, but her and her pink panther fall all the way to number 85. Now, if I could just fulfill my destiny and get her alone with my gold member.
Even if I was drunk on wine and stumbling sideways, I’d be more than tempted to get past the firewall that Eileen has setup around babe 86, Virginia Madsen. The ripple of effect of working with Harrison Ford was not lost on Eileen, who made Virgina a prairie home companion to the other babe’s on her list.
Bang a Gong Li, and get it on says otisthecat. Thank goodness this 41 year old (and babe 87) from
Someday I hope to show Paula Garcés who the man of the house is by taking her on a trip to
The temptation of performing any dirty deeds with Zoe Saldana is tremendous. Dave Davis makes this 28 year old center stage in his list. So everyone else needs to get over it, this premium babe is now gone.
We are staring to get at the threshold of picks. The ones that separates the regular nerds from the sewer chewers, and draws a hot line in the sand. JPT thinks outside the triangle and takes Catherine Bell with the 90th overall selection.
Once upon a time in
The country of
My name is Brian and your name is fucking hot! That’s what I’d say to Nadine Velazquez if I ran into this biker girl on the street. Of course, Slater agrees and takes this babe on her last ride as an un-drafted woman.
If I could get under the skin of Kristanna Loken, I’d leave her worn like a tattoo and in a panic. I’m sure Nick is much nicer than I am, so it’s probably a good thing this
Wow, you learn something new every day. Apparently Carmen Electra is from
I’m not sure if fabfunk has a ten inch hero, but Linda Cardellini prefers her American heroes big and wide. It’s no secret that fabfunk is a grandma’s boy, whose life is certainly not a fairy tale, so let’s hope Linda doesn’t end up a dead woman on campus.
I’d have to smoke about 200 cigarettes after having sex with Kate Hudson mostly because she is almost famous. Andrew Sweeney makes the offspring of Kurt and Goldie babe number 99, but let’s hope this guy can hold onto her for more than ten days.
One hundred women and maybe more – well number one hundred at least now belongs to yours truly. She may not have the acting resume of the others, but one role, good pipes, a flat stomach, and a set of boobs that look great in a tank top, lands Kelly Clarkson on my list.
Hopefully someday I’ll get Josie Marans’ digits into my little black book, but till then she’ll have to settle being babe number 101 and on Anyawatchin Angel’s list. I do have a confession to make though, if I could get a hold of her I’d swat her ass just for appearing in VAN HELSING.
11:00am (next day)
Martainman decided to kick it new school and take Maria Menounos with pick 102. This fresh faced babe from
Nikki Reed is an 18 year old from
Say what you want about Stacey Ferguson (for example she has a giant horse face), but her body fills my rocket with the power only my balls can provide. I don’t have a monster in my closet, or my pants, so Richard Dickson decided to be cool and take this babe (better know as Fergie) with the 104th overall pick.
Coming to us from the beaches of
Don’t fake the funk and don’t miss the junk in the trunk of babe 106 – Tatyana Ali. I’m not sure if having this babe on your list leads you down the glory road, but donde is taking his chances. My only regret is that I didn’t get this fresh princess on my list.
Gina Torres doesn’t look like any soccer mom I know, but she is fair game so sunwukong takes her at pick 107. I thought I loved my wife until I got a load of this firefly. Now, if only I could dip my five fingers in her jam.
I’ll be a wino forever, mostly because I know I can’t shoplift Winona Ryder off of GFC’s list. This great ball of fire who was named after her hometown (fucking hippie parents), of